036 ♋ [TEXT] finally off hiatus

[bethehugejerk]

WHO THE KNIFE-SHITTING FUCK DYED MY HAIR????????
SPEAK UP YOU COWARD BECAUSE WHEN I FIND YOU I AM GOING TO TEAR OFF EVERY SINGLE STRAND FROM YOUR HEAD WITH MY BARE HANDS FOR THE ATROCITY YOU HAVE COMMITTED
AND BY THE TIME I'M DONE YOU WILL REGRET HAVING EVER HAD THE AUDACITY TO COMPLY WITH WHATEVER MECHANICS OF REPRODUCTION WERE RESPONSIBLE FOR BRINGING YOUR OFFENSIVE EXISTENCE INTO THIS REALITY
AND I WILL BEAT THE SKULL EVERY SINGLE PERSON WHO SO MUCH AS LOOKS SUSPICIOUS UNTIL I FIND THE GLOBELESS SCOUNDREL WHO DID THIS!!!
P.S. FUCK YOU!
DON'T THINK I ONLY NOTICED YOU DID THIS TO ME TOO, NOOKSCUM, I SAW WHAT YOU DID TO ERIDAN
AND AS SOON AS HE WAKES UP FROM HIS COMA I WILL DIRECT HIM STRAIGHT TO YOUR HIVE FOR YOUR WELL-DESERVED ANNIHILATION.
HOW LONG HAS HE EVEN BEEN ASLEEP?
SPEAKING OF WHICH
HOW IN ANY REPULSIVE HELL DID I FALL ASLEEP FOR THREE AND A HALF WEEKS????
LIKE SERIOUSLY
I WOKE UP, AND IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE THE SEVENTH, AND I WASN'T SUPPOSED TO BE ASLEEP IN THE FIRST PLACE!
I HAD SHIT TO DO
IMPORTANT THINGS
THINGS THAT WERE NOT MEANT TO WAIT UNTIL NOW, WHICH AS I FOUND OUT WHEN I CHECKED MY SFC IS MAY FUCKING FIRST.
ALSO MAY IS A STUPID NAME FOR A MONTH, HUMAN CALENDARS ARE RETARDED.
NO ONE ASKED IF THEY MAY PUT ME TO SLEEP UNTIL THE START OF IT!
WHICH IS BULLSHIT OF THE HIGHEST DEGREE
SHIT SO FOUL THAT ALIENS ON OTHER PLANETS ARE WRINKLING UP THEIR SNIFF NODE EQUIVALENTS AND WONDERING JUST WHAT PRODUCED THAT FOUL GALACTIC REEK.
JEGUS CHRIST THIS IS GOING TO BE A MIGRAINE WAITING TO HAPPEN AND I ALREADY HAVE A HEADACHE JUST FROM THIS.
EVERYONE, REPORT IN, RIGHT NOW, NO EXCEPTIONS.
I NEED TO KNOW ALL WHAT I MISSED AND HOW MUCH SHIT THE TEAM HAS LANDED ITSELF IN WITHOUT SOMEONE COMPETENT TO KEEP THEM FROM KNOCKING THEIR CRANIAL PLATES INTO THE NEAREST WALL.
I WILL NOT EVEN BE SURPRISED IF IT TAKES A WHOLE MONTH ENTIRELY, IF NOT MORE, TO DISENTANGLE THE MESS THAT INEVITABLY COLLECTED IN MY ABSENCE.
UGH.
I'M NOT GOING TO SLEEP FOR A YEAR AFTER THIS.

Comments

[f8tal]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Woooooooow sucks to 8e you!!!!!!!!

[fintastic]

I locked your doors but I guess someone got in anyway! 38(
W)(oever did it, promise kick t)(eir ass extra )(ard for me, okay??
I boug)(t some bleac)( and dye kits for you and -Eridan t)(oug)(, if it's any )(elp.

[sylphauxiliatrix]

So
You and Eridan Are Sleeping Together

[bethehugejerk]

FALL INTO A PIT OF COALS AND DIE BURNING, VRISKA.
WAS IT YOU??
DON'T THINK I DON'T KNOW ENOUGH TO SUSPECT YOU, I KNOW YOU WERE INVOLVED WITH ERIDAN BEFORE AND YOU ARE A GRADE A BITCH TO BASICALLY EVERYONE ON TOP OF THAT.

[bethehugejerk]

WAIT
YOU WERE IN OUR HIVE?
WHY WERE YOU IN THERE
AND IF YOU KNEW ABOUT THE HAIR THING BEFOREHAND WHY DIDN'T YOU DO SOMETHING TO THE ASSHATS RESPONSIBLE INSTEAD OF JUST GETTING THE DYE?
BUT TRUST ME THAT THERE WILL MORE THAN SUFFICIENT ASSKICKING ONCE I FIND WHO DID THIS.

Text, purposely messed up.

[420]

[You know what is hard? Typing while you are running is hard. Especially when you have the most buttfuckin' stupid typing quirk. Just saying.]


OpENn YoR DoOr.
:o)

[bethehugejerk]

WHA
TH
NO!
NOT LIKE THAT!
WHAT THE HELL, KANAYA???

[f8tal]

I didn't do aaaaaaaanything to you!

[ex_fintastic398]

U)()( because I was asleep too!
I came over to see -Eridan and I t)(oug)(t it was weird t)(at your doors were unlocked but no one seemed )(ome.
T)(en I found you BOT)( passed out, so I made sure you were comfy and t)(at your food wouldn't get all gross and rotten. 38)
You know, just in case you were bot)( asleep for a long time!
T)(en I kind of conked out myself...
W)(oever did it, it was already done w)(en I woke up.

[ACTION]

[bethehugejerk]

[It is a pretty stupid quirk, Karkat agrees. But when he gets that message, after a raised eyebrow, he heads over to the front door to do as complied. Just... carefully. He doesn't want to flash his hair streak to anyone on the street.]

[What Gamzee would see is thus his moirail, braced for impact, looking wary, and with a streak of red in his hair.]

[bethehugejerk]

AND WHY SHOULD I BELIEVE THAT.

[sylphauxiliatrix]

I Was Not Insinuating That You Were Engaged In Sexual Activities
The Main Concern I Have Is The Revelation That You Two Are Dating
Or Are You Going To Deny That Too
After All You Didnt Seem To Think It Necessary To Tell Me This When You Were Convincing Me Not To Harm Eridan

[bethehugejerk]

FUCK.
JUST HOW MANY PEOPLE FELL ASLEEP LAST MONTH
BECAUSE THIS MAKES THREE ALREADY.
AND THANKS FOR THAT MUCH, I GUESS.

(1/2)

[bethehugejerk]

OH MY GOD.

[ex_fintastic398]

[ Seems like he hasn't gone back and seen her post. Excellent. ]

Don't mention it! Anyfin for a friend.
I just )(ope fis)(face doesn't take a t)(ree-week nap too...

[ACTION]

[420]

[Karkat could very well be wearing a sombrero at this point and Gamzee wouldn't notice.

What he had meant to do was sweep Karkat up into a huge ol' hug like those people in movies do after a long seperation. What he ends up doing is trip over his loose shoelaces on the last step, barrelling into Karkat, all honking mirth and too many feet of skinny indigo, knocking him over.

Eh, not what he was planning, but he's still able to squeeze Karkat so it's all okay in his book.]

[TEXT, filtered] (2/2)

[bethehugejerk]

YES, KANAYA, WE'RE GOING OUT, AND HAVE BEEN FOR ABOUT
HALF A YEAR NOW.
...
WOW IT'S REALLY BEEN A WHILE.
BUT EXCUSE ME FOR NOT TELLING THE TROLL WHO SAWED HIM IN HALF THAT I WAS ROMANTICALLY INVOLVED WITH THE GUY WHO MURDERED HER.
IT MAKES ME SOUND LIKE A COMPLETE ASS WITHOUT GIVING ROOM FOR THE CONTEXT, ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU HAD JUST ARRIVED.
BUT JUST
WE WERE MOIRAILS FOR A WHILE BEFORE THAT
AND WHEN HE CAME HERE AFTER
AFTER THE THINGS IN THE VEIL
IT WAS ME WHO KNOCKED THE SENSE INTO HIM, TOOK HIS WAND, AND SET HIM ON THE PATH TO BEING A BETTER TROLL.
THINGS JUST
HAPPENED SINCE THEN
AND MAYBE I DIDN'T WANT TO SPILL MY ROMANTIC EXPLOITS EVERYWHERE ALL AT ONCE, OKAY.

[bethehugejerk]

[He wants to get info from people directly first, plus that's a lot to slog through when he's still waking up.]

SAME HERE.
HOW LONG HAS HE BEEN SLEEPING, THOUGH?
SHORTER THAN ME OBVIOUSLY SINCE HE WAS STILL AWAKE WHENEVER I PASSED OUT.
AND WHAT DID I MISS BETWEEN THEN AND YOU FALLING INTO YOUR OWN COMA.

[ACTION]

[bethehugejerk]

Oof.

[That heavy thump is a pile of clowncrab hitting the floor, accompanied with the sound of the wind getting knocked from a surprisingly roomy set of lungs. Gamzee's already taller than him, and surely taller than he was in the veil. Even if he is gangly, that's a lot of mass.]

[Karkat wheezes, and pats a hand against the back of his moirail's shoulder.]

[ACTION]

[420]

[Not Gamzee's fault Karkat's body only focuses on growing his lungs big. One day he will be more lung than troll and... well, Gamzee will still love him, but still, it would be a very silly sight.

Gamzee sighs a little, with a soft laugh --lungs, man-- as he burrows into Karkat's chest.]

[ex_fintastic398]

Only about a week and a )(alf!
I am pretty sure )(e did it on purpose, too...
O)(! Were you awake for t)(e party?
T)(ere was a party! On a boat!

[ACTION]

[bethehugejerk]

[A few more wheezy breaths, but with lung capacity like his, a few big breaths get him somewhere back in a better range.]

[Also he's totally growing more than that! His horns are like a millimeter or two longer than last year!!]

I take it you missed me, be could you not tackle me like you're trying to block me from an explosion? Unless there's a hidden bomb on the street I failed to hear go off, I'm fine.

[Pat pat.]

Have you been eating your slime?

[bethehugejerk]

PARTY?
I NEVER EVEN HEARD THERE WAS GOING TO BE ONE.
WHY DID IT HAPPEN
AND IS THE BOAT STILL THERE?

[sylphauxiliatrix]

...
For Clarity I Am Using The Ellipsis To Indicate That I Have Indeed Read Your Response But Have Not Yet Thought Of Something To Say
Rather Than To Indicate A Pause In Conversation For Dramatic Effect Like You Just Did
...
...
Alright
I Understand Why You Would Have Some Reservations About Letting Me Know
It Would Have Compromised My Ability To Trust Your Assessment Of Eridan And Might Have Made It Harder For Me To Agree To Not Harm Him
But I Found Out About Your Relationship Shortly After I Arrived
And The Fact That You Didnt Tell Me Made It A Lot Harder To Trust What You Had Said Even After I Promised Not To Harm Him
It Felt Like You Didnt Trust Me At All
And It Gave Me A Reason Not To Trust You
Which Hurt Worse I Think

[ACTION]

[420]

[Gamzee would take a grenade for ya, Karkat. Put his pan on a nutrition platter for ya. And... pull a piano down the street? Did you know human music is really weird?]

Tripped.

[It's kinda muffled, but eventually he pops up, some make-up smeared on the front of Karkat's shirt.]

On the motherfuckin' dot.