1 ♐ Voice ♐ A brief check up

[aim_exorable]

[Wow, Darkleer is actually communicating with the network on a whole for once instead of being a miserable hermit. Must be a special occasion. Does anyone know his wiggling day?]

Now then. Have we all cleansed ourselves of the mess and done whatever strange death rituals foreign species feel the need to do?

[Okay, maybe it is just Darkleer being a coldhearted dick. Eh.]

I believe we should focus on the more important matter here. I have seen discussions scattered throughout the network, but it would be best to have all our thoughts and speculations focused in one place on both the destruction of those so-called faeries and on the recent appearance of that Carol individual.

For those of you who are oblivious and prone to missing the obvious, things are changing in this place. It would be best to be prepared.

[Don't be fooled, he's not doing this to be nice. He's doing what any troll knows to do: looking out for himself and the few he cares about. If that means even faintly working with others, well, he'll learn to deal.]

[Also, that's all the network is getting from him. Click goes the camera!]

[Filtered to Summoner]

[Darkleer hesitates before sending this one out, although his voice is just as stoic and stern as ever.]

Since your children in particular seem to be taking this badly, perhaps it would benefit you to know that those things which followed us were nothing more than mere robots. The technology may have been organic in nature, but it was still nothing truly living. No pain, no loss of life.

That's all.

Comments

[aim_exorable]

Then we will adapt. But for now?

[His finger is still doing the same repetitive, calming movement. Darkleer keeps his voice low, soft.]

It is too wild a speculation to put much stock in until we have more concrete evidence. Besides. The implications of what that would mean would be too much for you, I think.

[p2iioniicii2t]

[ He doesn't move, feeling rather oddly anchored by the feel of that single gentle repetitive motion. He does lean a little bit more, tension slowly bleeding out of his frame. Until just now, it hadn't been that apparent to him how much stress the concept had put on him or the physical consequences.

And he's still worried, still halfway sure that his existence is all a fluke and that he could not fulfill his programming, but...

He lets out a slow breath, almost a sigh. ]

...apologieth.

[aim_exorable]

You can't control the glitches in your programming when they occur. That is why I am your engineer.

[There is a strange feeling of satisfaction when he feels the Helmsman's body relax beneath his hand. It's not smug, or sharp, or even like when he finishes an invention he is particularly proud of. It's just very quiet and simple. Calming, even.]

Are there any other difficulties you are having, Helmsman?

[p2iioniicii2t]

[ If he answers, does that mean the stroking stops? That's an odd thought to have, entirely random. It is not disobedient to delay in responding, not if he uses the time to think through any other difficulties that were worthy of the blue blood's attention as his engineer. ]

[aim_exorable]

[Seeing that is calms the other, Darkleer doesn't stop the movements. He just waits, patiently, certain that the Helmsman is thinking carefully and not purposefully wasting his time. It isn't something that he would do. ]

[p2iioniicii2t]

I... am beginning to believe thythtem errorth are occurring more frequently.

[ Because, ultimately, there are so many things wrong with him, and he's not sure which issues would be of Darkleer's interest. It's a scary thought, that even if he does exist that his systems are constantly degrading. There are too many variables, too many changes, and helmsmen weren't designed for it. ]

[aim_exorable]

How frequently, and which are the ones which bother you most?

[Not that Darkleer is surprised. It's true: biowiring is extremely pervasive. It digs into a troll and locks away everything that makes them a troll on the inside, mentally, emotionally. However... Without biowiring and without the systems of a ship to keep the Helmsman in check, of course things will change. The things Signless and his allies say will just ring further true, and no doubt this is horrifying for someone programmed like the Helmsman is.]

[p2iioniicii2t]

I have unauthorized thoughts, more each day.

[ It's said quickly, an abrupt confession. ]

I... told him- [ There's no question who 'him' would be. ] -that thometimeth I do not want to therve. I do not know why.

[aim_exorable]

[This is going to require a delicate touch, and Darkleer does his best to think on it in the limited time he has. He knows that the Helmsman needs answers, something to stabilize him, as soon as possible. Waiting will only cause more damage.]

How many sweeps have you been in commission, Helmsman?

[p2iioniicii2t]

I do not know... memory degradeth after theveral hundred thweepth.

[ His brows knit in a vague sort of frustration at the unsatisfactory answer, and after a moment he looks up at the much larger man. Darkleer had to have the answers he needed, and there is a small desperate hope within the Helmsman that he'll share them with him. ]

[aim_exorable]

Than that explains it, or at least some part of it.

Like any machine, you can still be overworked. Most Helmsman aren't under commission for as long as you have been. They expire before they have a chance to. But you have been surpassing them, so you're a unique case. You have no doubt needed time to.. shut down from your duties. I doubt you've been given such chances, considering the needs of our Condesce. [A hasty addendum-] Not that anything is her fault, because her needs surpass our own, of course.

That only explains a part of it, however. [Carefully, another finger joins the movements of the first in the gentle stroking.] Does that sound about right?

[p2iioniicii2t]

[ He tightens his grip on the thermos of tea. It feels like his veins are squirming beneath his skin with the pulse and throb of invasive biowiring. He still feels ill, but there is a measure of comfort to be gained by this consideration. ]

Perhapth, but... you did not ekthplain all of it.

[aim_exorable]

To explain the remainder of it would require delving into an area I am not sure you would much care for, Helmsman.

[A deep quiet breath inhaled, then exhaled. This could very well go wrong.]

If you are still interested in pursuing this line of inquiry, then of course I will supply a possible answer.

[p2iioniicii2t]

[ He swallows hard, a terrible sense of anticipation welling up within him. ]

If that ith what you are willing to do.

[aim_exorable]

Very well.

No biowiring, no disobedience programs, no superiors to tell you what not to do besides myself and the Grand Highblood, who is currently... out of commission for the time being... Without all of the restrictions a Helmsman relies on to keep properly functioning as a component of his ship, it's likely you're beginning to find your own independent thought once again.

You're becoming less and less what you were programmed to be.

[p2iioniicii2t]

What... what do I do?

[ He stares at his hands, watching them tremble with an understated violence. He's terrified, but there is some other part of him that knew this was the answer. That the highblood said it, however, makes it undeniably true.

Signless would be so happy.

The Condesce would be infuriated.

Was there any way to fix this?]

[aim_exorable]

First of all, don't panic.

[He says it so calmly, it hides his own inner panic. Yes, he would personally be quite fine with the influence of the Helmsman system dissipating, but this isn't about him. It isn't his place.]

[Carefully, he lowers his hand and holds it over the Helmsman's, trying to calm the way they tremble.]

You won't be able to think clearly like that.

[p2iioniicii2t]

[ It's all he can do to nod when a large hand settles over his own. It's very hard not to panic, but the least he can do is to make the attempt. ]

Gabriel's Horn is what he's sayin'

[aim_exorable]

[He guides the thermos back up to the Helmsman's mouth, intent clear.]

Drink this again. Deep breathes. Go through mathematical paradoxes in your head. Perhaps the geometric figure with infinite surface area but encloses finite volume. Repeat the process.

you can enclose his finite volume any day

[p2iioniicii2t]

[ Take a sip from the thermos. Deep, slow breaths. Focus on paradoxes.

Okay, he could do that.

As he does so, he seems to slowly come down from that seemingly paralyzing panic. His chest still feels unimaginably tight, but he seems to lose the tenseness and trembling very slowly. He practically wilts against the other man, repeating the process over and over again. ]

oh myyyy

[aim_exorable]

[Darkleer doesn't interrupt. When the Helmsman is ready, he will speak. He understands that much, at least. While the other goes through the motions, Darkleer stays still and sturdy against him and just rubs his thumb over the back of his hands.]

[p2iioniicii2t]

I... thtill do not know.

[ It's a reluctant admission. He does not move from where he leans against the other man, only some small part of him afraid of causing offense. The rest is too comfortable, too safe to want to move from this spot. ]

[aim_exorable]

[Darkleer won't admit this is comfortable himself, even if it is. This is all for the Helmsman's mental stability. Of course.]

We will come up with a proper solution in time. Unfortunately, the only thing we know that would work without fail is putting you back in your proper place on the Battleship Condescension. This may take time.

[p2iioniicii2t]

[ It's surprisingly good for his mental stability. Though he isn't particularly steady, he's far more calm despite the looming crisis. His eyelids droop slightly, as if the panic had caused him a significant physical exhaustion. ]

I feel unthertainty about thith.

[ He doesn't know if that means he's uncertain about whether it'd work or if he even truly wanted it to. ]

[aim_exorable]

That's normal.

[Gingerly, he shifts just enough so that he can tilt the Helmsman's head up, making eye contact with him through his dark shades.]

Know this, Helmsman: I would never allow anything to damage you beyond repair, mentally or physically. One way or another, we will get through this. I am your engineer and you are my charge. I do not take my duties lightly.