caughtinanetwork

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Attention citizens.

You havve made the stupendous mistake of kidnappin one Commander Orphaner Dualscar, destroyer a wworlds an' scourge a the stars.

In light a your obvvious ignorance, and the admittedly pleasant surroundins, I'll be generous. You havve half an hour to explain wwhere I am, howw I got here, and wwhy, and to showw me the exit. It's the ocean, I can make my owwn wway from there.

I'm wwaiting. Don't fuckin disappoint me.

One last wwarnin: I'm not a vvery patient troll.

[OOC: I'm happy to do action tags/prose in the comments, too. Anyone who wants to run into him in person can find him wandering the main thoroughfare around the Lamufao, using his starfish phone thingy to monitor the network]

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Then we havve a problem based on a fundamental philosophical difference. You believve you're right, an I havve the same feelin'.

So wwhat are you going to do about it, mutant?

I suppose I'll leave you to live your life and only interfere when you do something I can't let stand. I'd rather it not come to that--I'd much prefer we find a middle ground--but if that's how it has to be, that's how it has to be.

[He sighs]

Much as it wwould givve me pleasure nevver to see your face again, you knoww that wwon't wwork.

Regrettably, yes.

So all I can do is offer you my hand in friendship, and hope you'll take it. We could work together, Dualscar, if only you'd let me.

[After everything, he's just so exhausted. He shakes his head.] To wwhat end?

[Signless puts a filter on this conversation before continuing. He's not the least bit embarrassed about what he's about to say, but he thinks Dualscar might be.]

Do we need to have an end in mind? Can't we just try and be friendly for friendliness' sake?

[He scowls] No.

Why not?

[Come on, how can you say no to this face?]

[He is unmoved, Signless, though growing increasingly uncomfortable with the video]

Evven if it wwere somethin' I wwere inclined to do in your particular case, wwhat's the point?

Well, from a military standpoint, I understand that it's a good idea to know your enemies, correct? And you clearly feel that I'm an enemy to the Empire, so by spending time with me and being friendly, you'd be getting to know me better and would have all sorts of things to report to the Condesce. Wouldn't that increase your standings with her?

[And also allow Signless a chance to get in your head and smother you with kindness, but shhhh, let's not talk about that right now.]

[Oops, you caught him. That's exactly why he's getting the Helmsman to spy on Signless. He just wasn't expecting to do it with so little of a separation between them. He pauses and frowns]

And wwhat do you get out of it? Learnin' all a my wweaknesses, I suppose.

Who would I even tell?

[Signless spreads his hands beseechingly.]

Contrary to what you might believe, I'm not some great resistance fighter, nor would I spread your secrets around the bubble. I would do it for the opportunity to get to know you better. That's all.

[Scowl] That'd demonstrativvely untrue, an if you think I'll believve that pile a hoofbeastshit, you must think I havve less than two braincells to rub together!

I wouldn't be foolish enough to disrespect your abilities as a soldier or tactician.

[Which is completely true and not an attempt at brown-nosing. Signless knows very well what Dualscar is capable of.]

I know you as a military figure; now I want to get to know you as a man. There's no subterfuge there, no drama, only simple curiosity.

[He doesn't believe him. There has to be subterfuge, and some kind of plan to hurt him, make him safe. Karkat's threats, and what they did to the Grand Highblood, and everything about this situation tells him that that has to be what they're planning.

But he's not going to hide, either. He has his own plans, or at least is developing some. And while spending time with the Signless will probably make him want to slit his wrists, he can see the advantages as well.]

Fine, wwell, I already said in the other thread you can come ovver tomorroww. But you wwon't be gettin' any secrets to share, just to wwarn you.

[Signless isn't exactly eager to spend time with Dualscar either, but he feels it's something that must be done.]

All right. See you tomorrow. Sleep well!

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