First Pickup Line; Text

[justnevwerevwen]

vwell vwell vwell.
i bet none of you knewv i vwas here did you? thats because unlike most of you chumps, i decided to vwatch and learn before i came crying to the netvwork like a total lamer!
and because i figured this vwould givwe me the most dramatic entrance. i alvways did like havwing a little flair.
so nowv that thats out of the vway, i can introduce myself properly to all you cats and kittens.
the names cronus ampora. this place blowvs the dream bubbles out of the vwater by far.
hahahaha im such a car.
do you see vwhat i did there? blowvs it out of the vwater?
i slay myself.
so howv about coming and introducing yourselvwes? im itching to meet all of you avwesome people.

Comments

[spacecase]

Dude. Calm your fins.

[She's poking at the screen right now since she can't whap him with a newspaper.]

Why are you blaming me for any so-called attraction you have towards me? Yeah, it's not your fault if you do find me attractive--which you sound really insincere about the more you say it, by the way--but it's not my fault either. I don't control that, nor would I want to! It's just mean-spirited.

Speaking of mean-spirited, that whole "you turned me away oh woe is me" thing is pretty fucking mean-spirited too. I am not obligated to answer something as nebulous as something "fated" and you do not have any right to guilt-trip me--or attempt to.

So back up, hold your hoofbeasts, reexamine what the hell you're saying before you even say it, because it's not nice at all right now.

[justnevwerevwen]

[Blah blah blah honestly that's pretty much all he's hearing right now.]

Are you seriously trying to pin this back on me? Howv is anything I'm doing bad here? That is the most ridiculous thing I'vwe evwer heard. I am not being mean! Howv is being in human lovwe vwith you mean? I vwas just trying to get you to open your eyes and see vwhat is right in front of you. The potential for happiness and true lovwe! But instead your denying it. That is mean!

[spacecase]

Bluh! You keep talking about this "love" shit, but you probably do not even know jack about the whole thing. People are nice because they want to be nice, not because they want something.

[Does she need to teleport him up to the island for a timeout. Because it sounds like he needs a timeout.]

[justnevwerevwen]

Vwhat makes you think that I don't knowv anything about lovwe? I knowv vwhat I'm feeling right nowv!

[It is entirely possible that he does.]

[spacecase]

You are a troll. They consider hate romance and pity love, so no, I do not think you understand a thing about human love.

I am perfectly willing to forget that you are being a finny douche right now and start over as friends, if you say sorry for forcing this conversation onto me.

[justnevwerevwen]

Vwhoa, vwhoa, hold up! I am so vwery insulted right nowv. I vwill havwe you knowv that I am actually... humankin. I indentify as a human greaser! I knowv exactly vwhat your human lovwe is and howv it vworks!

Maybe I vwill apologize if you apologize for being so insensitivwe! Evwen if I really didn't do anything vwrong.

[spacecase]

What the hell is a greaser, it sounds gross.

So I guess that means it fits you perfectly.

[And here's the inhale:]

Okay! I will apologize! I'm sorry that you're such a shitty fucking troll douche you can't even see the big picture with your head shoved so far up your ass.

By the way--[what's that? It's the glow of minty fresh space magic.] You're on timeout, mister.

[The feed clicks off here, but then there's a ZAP!

In the next few moments Cronus will find himself up on the island. Have fun finding the way back to the city.]

[justnevwerevwen]

I'm vwha-?

[But he never gets the chance to say anything, or even defend the honor of greasers, because suddenly he is on an island.]

Vwhat the hell? Howv did you- Hello? Come back! Vwhat did you do! Vwhere am I? Come on this isn't funny! Howv do I get back?!