First Pickup Line; Text

[justnevwerevwen]

vwell vwell vwell.
i bet none of you knewv i vwas here did you? thats because unlike most of you chumps, i decided to vwatch and learn before i came crying to the netvwork like a total lamer!
and because i figured this vwould givwe me the most dramatic entrance. i alvways did like havwing a little flair.
so nowv that thats out of the vway, i can introduce myself properly to all you cats and kittens.
the names cronus ampora. this place blowvs the dream bubbles out of the vwater by far.
hahahaha im such a car.
do you see vwhat i did there? blowvs it out of the vwater?
i slay myself.
so howv about coming and introducing yourselvwes? im itching to meet all of you avwesome people.

Comments

[justnevwerevwen]

oh look its a vwantas that i dont entirely vwant to kick in the nook.
howvs it going, bud?
i didnt realize that you vwere here, but i guess thats cool. youre not as completely insufferable as the other vwantas. the one vwho stole my matesprit.
did you knowv he did that?
i am so TRIGGERED.
you should go do something about that! go fix him or vhwatevwer it is that you do.

[insufferability]

9h my, that is m9st certainly unaccepta6le. Did y9u make sure t9 list "quadrant theft" in y9ur trigger list 6ef9re y9u engaged him in c9nversati9n? Y9u must always 6e cauti9us in the sense that, if y9u intend f9r s9me9ne t9 respect y9ur sensi6ilities, y9u must first make them kn9wn s9 9ther pe9ple can ensure that they can simply maneuver ar9und th9se issues t9 make sure than y9ur pers9n g9es 6y with9ut needless harm. At the s9urce 9f the issue, h9wever, I 6elieve Karkat and Eridan have esta6lished themselves well int9 the flushed quadrant f9r quite s9me time. In fact, 6y intruding up9n their relati9nship and simply claiming 9ne 9f the parts t9 6e engaged with y9u in the respective quadrant, y9u are truly the 9ne attempting t9 engage in the same acti9ns that y9u claim triggered y9u, am I n9t c9rrect? In here, it w9uld appear many 9f us c9me fr9m different standp9ints in 9ur respective timelines, thus ena6ling such ridicul9us trans temp9ral shenanigans. H9wever, and I admit I am at fault there, y9u must stray fr9m the use 9f that term, t9 ensure that th9se wh9 identify as 6el9nging t9 a different timeline than the 9ne they 9riginate fr9m (timeline dysph9ria, if y9u will) are n9t needlessly triggered due t9 y9ur apparent n9n caring f9r their plight. Y9u 9f all pe9ple sh9uld kn9w this, 6eing the very example 9f 9ne wh9 suffers fr9m a terri6le, despair inducing case 9f Dysph9ria, 6ut that is neither here 9r there. With9ut intending t9 derail, I 6elieve a discussi9n with 69th parties is at hand with9ut intending harm up9n any 9f them t9 engage with 69th 9f them in intelligent discussi9n regarding the su6ject. It is rather unc9mm9n, 6ut there have 6een cases 9f three individuals mutually filling each 9ther's flushed quadrants, and I'm certain that if y9u play t9 y9ur strengths with y9ur charming pers9nality and wits it will n9t 6e l9ng 6ef9re this wh9le ridicul9us c9nfusi9n is s9rted 9ut, h9pefully in a manner that will tr9u6le the smallest am9unt 9f pe9ple inv9lved.

[justnevwerevwen]

[Sorry Kankri, he's just. skimming it. Not even really reading- until a bit catches his eye towards the end.]

vwait a moment, are you suggesting vwhat i think youre suggesting?
that i should try and push my vway into their little matespritship and make it a threevway thing?
vwowv i think that might be the best idea i havwe evwer heard! i vwill of course need to get on better terms vwith vwantas, but i think that i could pull it off!
thanks, chief, that vwas a real svwell idea you had there!

[insufferability]

[ NO. ]

Hardly. Please think it th9r9ughly 6ef9re y9u attempt such an acti9n, Cr9nus. It's n9t difficult t9 assume y9u've taken a m9re aggressive standp9int in relati9n t9 this matter, and 6ef9re attempting such rash ways 9f acti9n, there are many varia6les y9u must take int9 c9nsiderati9n 6ef9re even 6eginning t9 reas9n anything regarding y9ur future acti9ns. First 6eing quadrantal 9rientati9n. It is much m9re than likely that neither 9f them d9 n9t identify as 6eing p9lyquadrantal, that 6eing, the act 9f sharing the same quadrant with m9re than 9ne individual. Sec9nd, y9ur pl9t t9 intrude up9n their relati9nship is m9re that 9ne 9f a parasitical 6eing rather than 9ne 9f c9mpani9nship. If y9u truly wish t9 gain their fav9r in 9rder f9r them t9 extend themselves t9 em6race y9u y9u must first adapt t9 a less aggressive style 9f pr9jecting y9ur image 9nt9 9thers. Perhaps the answer lies simply in n9t seeming like y9ur 96jective is simply t9 get y9ur sexual desires fulfilled and that y9u truly seek f9r their c9mpani9nship rather than the m9re carnal desires. Ch99se t9 interpret that as y9u will, 6ut simply put, such an aggressive style 9f s9cial interacti9n will result in n9thing 6ut rejecti9n, Cr9nus.

[onlyasign]

THAT'S PROBABLY NOT THE BEST WAY TO GET HIM TO LISTEN TO YOU, KANKRI.

[insufferability]

Is it n9t? W9uld y9u deny the p99r fell9w a chance at redeeming his l9st matespritship and p9ssi6ly finding the meaning 9f true r9mantic attracti9n within tw9 different entities, rather than 9ne? Such cl9se minded 6ehavi9r is truly reprehensi6le and y9u sh9uld attempt t9 educate y9urself as s99n as p9ssi6le 6ef9re the chance f9r y9u to 9ffend s9me9ne's sensi6ilities arises.

[onlyasign]

NO, IT'S NOT. YOU'RE NOT LISTENING TO HIM.

LISTEN TO WHAT HE'S REALLY SAYING, THEN TRY TO ANSWER.

[insufferability]

I 6elieve that is h9w disc9urse w9rks, n9? He appr9ached me with a plea and as his friend I have the duty t9 pr9vide the m9st adequate advice t9 ensure that his situati9n is res9lved in the m9st efficient and less tr9ubling (and 9ffensive) manner p9ssible. T9 assume anything else w9uld be barbaric, t9 say the least. If he seeks t9 find true happiness thr9ugh the f9ur quadrants, it is n9t my p9siti9n t9 st9p him and never will be, despite my 9wn stance in the subject.

[onlyasign]

I DON'T THINK HE WANTS ADVICE. I THINK HE WANTS A FRIEND TO VENT TO FOR AWHILE, AND THEN MAYBE TALK ABOUT HIS PROBLEMS LATER. YOU'RE JUST BOMBARDING HIM WITH INFORMATION.

[insufferability]

Is that truly so, however? I greeted him with a welcome and in response he approached me with an issue he had been put face to face with. Naturally, I offered him means to resolve it, and if I may say so myself he seemed eager to receive any indication regarding his future actions.

[onlyasign]

BUT WAS HE ACTUALLY LISTENING TO YOU OR WAS HE JUST HEARING WHAT HE WANTED TO HEAR? IT'S LIKE BOTH OF YOU ARE JUST TALKING AND TALKING, AND NEITHER IS LISTENING TO ANYTHING THE OTHER ONE IS SAYING.

[It's a lot easier to calm down a seadweller when you can just pap his fins, is all Sufferer is saying.]

[justnevwerevwen]

ahahaha vwowv okay yeah this is all great advwice and i really appreciate it all.
i mean youvwe helped me so much.
so im gonna go figure out howv to actually do vwhat you suggested!
see you later, chief(s).

[Slides the fuck away on a slip-n-slide made of grease.]