[action/anon text] - Struggles - 020 [Backdated to afternoon of 4/2]

[relinquishing]

Gnomeday, Gnome Redecan 02, ND 2018

[The first thing Guy noticed upon waking up was how unbelievably sore he was.

The second? The barrier on Zelda's bed was gone. He could easily tell - he'd sprawled out a bit as he started to wake up, mixed up in the covers and the remains of the uniform he had last remembered wearing. He hummed wearily, giving a confused and clouded glance around the room as he propped himself to his elbows.

Had he fallen into a coma again? Guy grimaces, rubbing a crick in the back of his neck. He'd left Zelda here alone like this again, of all times? Damn it. How long had he been out?

Worrying wasn't going to help matters, though. He heaves himself out of bed, stretching his arms above him, straightening his back, and adjusting his clothes enough so that he could wander the house without being too embarrassed coming across another housemate (if they were awake by now.) He pads across the floor with bare feet, descending the staircase about halfway before finally bother to call out.]

"...Zelda? Hey, are you around...?"

----

[It's only after he' had a good share of time to talk to Zelda and get his bearings that Guy finally picks up his SFC, opting to keep himself anonymous this time around. There was too much that had happened while he was gone. It would just be nice to get a general sense of the city, if anything else.]

Breaking the ice around strangers is pretty hard, isn't it? I know we all have to do it all the time around here, with everyone coming and going. But it doesn't make it any easier.

Some people take to it easier than others, though. And I'm sure some of you have learned ways to interact with a new person just by being in this crazy place.

So tell me, Vatheon. How would you treat a stranger?

Comments

[zelda_hylia]

For me. His feelings for me. I made him feel, I dragged him out of his shell and I practically forced him to be my friend even though the notion made him panic and he was perfectly fine before I did so, he was just fine and I -

[Her alarm goes off, indicating that it's time to tell Gamzee to take his sopor.]

...excuse me. Gamzee needs his medication.

[Zelda takes out her SFC, shooting him a quick text and refusing to meet Guy's eyes.]

[relinquishing]

[His expression holds steady and somber, just the edges of frustration flickering against the edges, propping a leg on his knee with his head still rested against his knuckles while he waits for her to finish. She was running in a circle again, but at least he could try to keep up with this one. She'd befriended him, something in an attempt to help Duke be a little less antisocial, maybe... and she now thinks it had backfired? Mmm.

It's only when she's put the SFC down that he bothers to speak again.]

So you think - for some outlandish reason - that he hurt himself because you tried to be friends and now he... well, has feelings for you.

[He raises a brow. Is he even close at all?]

[zelda_hylia]

[With her message to Gamzee finished, she doesn't have an excuse to not look at Guy anymore. Zelda raises her eyes.]

He has trouble processing emotions. While I am not certain he hurt himself purposefully, I know that those emotions make him more reckless. I should have left him alone the first time he asked me to, but I kept pushing.

[She can feel something from him. She knows it seems like she's blaming herself for things that aren't her fault again, but this IS her fault!]

...don't look at me like that. I did this. I did not learn my lesson with Sola, but this time I will. I should not approach such vulnerable people.

[relinquishing]

[His jaw tightens slightly, a few different thoughts racing through his head before he finally relaxes his posture into the couch, the challenging flare in his glaze dying down with a shrug.]

I don't think it's a matter of approaching them or not. If they need help, they need help, and you strive on helping other people. To just ignore them wouldn't help either of you.

Maybe it's just learning to respect and accept that other people just have boundaries they don't want crossed. And that, as hard as it can be... that some people don't always want help. For whatever reason.

[For Duke, that meant his requests to be left alone were because he might have been aware that being emotionally attached to someone wasn't something he could handle. Maybe Zelda just had been ignorant of that, intentionally or not.]

[zelda_hylia]

I should have left him alone when he asked.

[She's aware she's repeating herself, but what else is there to say? It's the truth. Duke's instability didn't come out of nowhere. She's pushed him out of his comfort zone more than once, and usually she was perfectly aware of what she was doing. It just seemed so sad for him to never forgive himself and live completely alone like he was. The way he'd been living life couldn't really be called living in her opinion. But that's just it, isn't it? That's only her opinion.]

[relinquishing]

Maybe.

But you can't change that now. You know that.

[...]

And you shouldn't blame yourself so harshly for something that can't be changed.

[zelda_hylia]

[Zelda looks at him with her fists clenched, frustrated. She can't just forgive herself for this or she'll do it again!]

I think it is appropriate to acknowledge one's mistakes. If I don't put the proper weight on it, I will only repeat it.

[Oh, she knows Guy just doesn't want her to be upset, but this isn't like some of the other things she's let herself get worked up about. This time it really is her fault, and she can't let herself start to think otherwise or she knows she'll be sitting right here next year mourning someone else.]

[relinquishing]

[Of course he didn't want her to worry. But seeing how deeply involved she seems to be in this, he can't just tell her to stop. That would be all sorts of stupid.

So he returns that frustrated look with one of calm neutrality, giving a curt nod.]

You're absolutely right.

But put too much weight on it, and all you'll do is cause a burden for yourself that keeps you from what's important. Like making things right again.

That's what you want to do, isn't it?

[zelda_hylia]

No. I cannot be involved any further in this. I will heal him if another similar accident occurs, but it is best for him if I stay back otherwise. It worked for Sola, eventually. He is... happy now. He's found someone that can love him in return. Removing myself from his life was for the best.

[In this case, she sincerely believes that making things right means removing herself from the picture and suppressing her natural urge to "fix" things. It's selfish to keep trying to fix him.]

[relinquishing]

Sola isn't Duke. And what might have worked for Sola doesn't make it a set-in stone-solution for how to deal with anyone who might become reliant on you or whatever.

...

[He braces himself, knowing his next question probably will get an explosive response.]

Have you tried to talk to him about any of this?

[zelda_hylia]

...not since I realized why he was behaving as he is, no. He's avoiding me. He won't even use magic near the place he is staying because he doesn't want me to know where he is. I know anyway, of course. Zelos told me to leave him be while he was still here. He said that he would take care of it, that it would be better if Duke did not see me for awhile. Zelos no longer remembers him, but he is staying with Ioder. They're from the same world.

[It's so difficult. She doesn't want to shift the responsibility of looking after Duke to someone else. She honestly doesn't mind doing it. She's just terrified that he'll end up broken beyond repair.]

[relinquishing]

Zelos was probably right, you know.

If you think the separation is going to be for the best, then you need to be okay with this. He'll have someone familiar to help him. He'll have a place to stay. He won't need to be reliant on you. And it might take some tiem. But hopefully you both can move on.

Right?

[zelda_hylia]

[It's not Guy's imagination if he thinks Zelda sounds a little irritated. That's exactly the solution she'd come up with, so why had he been questioning her on it? Why did he make her dredge through all those incredibly uncomfortable feelings again if she'd made the right choice to start with.]

Isn't that what I have been saying? I will leave him alone and let him move on. Of course I will heal him if something like this happens again, but... I believe it is for the best if we don't interact anymore.

[relinquishing]

[Hey, can't blame a man for wanting to get his facts straight!]

Sorry. I was just trying to understand, I guess. Just please don't push yourself so hard about it, alright? It's not going to do you any good. It really won't.

But I know you'll figure something out.

[He stares down at his cup for a few moments before plopping it onto the coffee table, rising to his feet with a tired grunt.]

I need to go wash up. I'll be down a little later. Okay, Zelda?

[zelda_hylia]

[She doesn't answer verbally, just nodding and getting up to head back to the kitchen to make something while he's washing up. If nothing else it gives her something else to focus on.]

[relinquishing]

[His shower is quick, and he's still got that change of clothes from weeks ago, although he doesn't bother throwing on his orange jacket for the time being. He's adjusting his sleeve cuffs when he finally comes back down the stairs, pausing and ruefully flicking a glance over to the kitchen before he wanders over, leaning with a shoulder against the wall.]

Thank you.

[zelda_hylia]

[She's set things out neatly, but there's only one place setting. Zelda rises once she sees him.]

Of course. If you will excuse me, though, I do have something to attend to this evening. I believe I may have found a solution to Embryon's... food issues, and I told them to meet me this evening. Take care.

[Is she being more short than she needs to be? Yes, but she's not making the appointment up either. She doesn't give him a chance to say much more than "goodbye", promptly heading out the door.]

[relinquishing]

[It doesn't stop him from shouting out:]

Be careful....! Please...

[It's eerily quiet afterwards, Guy staring over the food with a horrible pit already tight in his stomach. Had he really upset her that much? He eats a bit, picks at the rest, staring around the empty house most of the time, before finally slamming a fist down on the table and rattling all the dishes.

What was he supposed to even do to help her?

The food is packaged and put in the refrigerator, Guy spending the rest of the evening tucked away in the library. Despite his absence, he does leave a note for her; if she wanted him back, he'd come and stay again in a night's time. If not, then that was fine, and he'd see her against some other time - whenever she felt was best.

Honestly, he wished he could stick to his stubborn gut, grab a change of clothes, and simply stay one more night. Or two. Or twelve. But if she was upset... there wasn't much he could do. Being around too much would only make that worse.]