caughtinanetwork | [ VIDEO ]

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[ Well, if you didn't want to see a close-up of Prince Gumball's ~~pink~~ orchid face for the opening of this video then today is not your lucky day. After exploring the extent of his little ~~pink~~ amaranth iStarfish, figuring out its purpose, trying to get it to play techno music and dying in the first level of a game he found on it, he decided to use it to communicate.

However, he pressed record too quickly and started the video prematurely. After a moment, he pulled it away so the network can be greeted with a more normal shot.

Generally, when Gumball finds himself kidnapped or in another dimension or possessed, Fionna is efficient and heroic enough to save him within a reasonable timeframe. This time, it's been a while so he decides to take matters into his own hands to see what the hold-up is.

He is also feeling a little extra impatient given how...wet the current location is and how his ~~pink~~ salmon rainboots are nowhere in sight. ]

Greetings, citizens of Vatheon! My name is Prince Gumball of the Candy Kingdom. Though my stay thus far has been nice-- [ and he thinks that's being kind ]-- I worry about my subjects back home and their low tolerance for stress. If you could be so kind as to direct me to your nearest ship port or best place to create a wormhole back home, I would be delightfully grateful. Ideally, I'd like to return on the morrow but if one is not available, my previous requests are sufficient.

[ He holds up a wet and sandy towel between his pinched fingers. ]

Also, is there a towel butler around? I'd like to receive a new towel at your soonest convenience, I dropped mine.

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Well I don't know what to tell you. Where I come from humans can't do things like that, and my dad is the sea god, so water is kind of my thing.

[He creates another big wave to prove his point. It washes over him and once again leaves him completely dry.]

If you think it's something important I should know, then by all means.

[It's a while later when Karkat gets back to the conversation. Thanks to Gamzee he wound up taking a walk so he could calm down, and the outdoor background shows in his reply. Unlike Percy, though, he's not at the beach.]

And just because you can do something unusual for most humans does not mean it's a god that's involved.

[His tone is easier than it was before, for all his stubbornness is obviously unchanged.]

Blackrom isn't outright important at this moment, but I might as well give the explanation now so you I don't have to deal with any stupid ideas about it from you in the future.

Unlike human romance, troll romance is divided into four quadrants by a set of categories. Firstly, all romance is either red or black. Red romance is focused on the positive emotions, namely pity and all forms thereof, and black romance is focused on the negative, in other words hate.

Romances is secondarily divided into concupiscent and conciliatory types. Concupiscent romance is the kind devoted to procreation, whereas conciliatory romance is comparatively platonic and focused more on keeping the appropriate target or targets for the quadrant from being stupid, causing unnecessary harm, or both.

Starting with redrom, the concupiscent version is matespritship. Two partners in this relationship are called matesprits, and said to have flushed feelings, with the whole symbolized by a red heart. Obviously, feelings are positive and mating fondness is felt, and as a whole it's more closely analogous to human romance than any other quadrant.

Conciliatory redrom is called moirallegiance, comprised of two moirails with pale feelings, symbolized by a pink diamond. Trolls are basically a bunch of ravenous douchetards predisposed towards violence and fuck-awful tempers, meaning that unless we keep each other in line, shit hits the thresher and more people die than strictly need to do so. Typically one partner is more dangerous and reckless than the other, cooler-headed one, but ideally both balance out the personality of the other. Instead of looking at the other troll and seeing an absolute trainwreck who's better off culled, you see someone worthy of pity, you want to learn what's up with them, and basically talk feelings or drag them away from your own moronicism as befits the situation.

Concupiscent blackrom, then, is kismesissitude. Two kismesises, caliginous, black spade. The simple explanation is that it's like matespritship but with hate. The actual worthwhile explanation is that this person doesn't just piss you off or make you mad, and it's not just the regular hate a pain in your ass would get. This is the kind of hate that's worth something: something for a rivalry, but more than that, an arch rivalry. This is your biggest enemy, your greatest foe, and the hate between you makes you want to better yourself so you can better drive in every flaw and failure they have, and then make out about it.

Lastly, conciliatory blackrom is auspisticism, in which one auspistice mediates - auspisticizes - between two other trolls in a dangerous relationship. Ashen is the adjective, grey club is the symbol. Obviously, it's the only quadrant with three trolls. Do note that you do not have an auspistice for your kismesissitude; they're separate quadrants, and to have an auspistice come in swings it out of caliginous territory into the ashen. Namely this happens when the two forming a full relationship would either be of greater harm to each other or their surroundings than good, and is highly integral in preventing black infidelity.

Furthermore, there are also cases where trolls don't just hold the feelings of one quadrants, but two. Say for example Troll A feels flushed for Troll B, but Troll B is deep in hate for Troll A. Rather than give up, the two might enter a relationship anyway and vacillate from matespritship to kismesissitude and back as suits the situation. There can be more than two, I mean, I've read some books where things get complicated and there's chains of trolls vacillating back and forth in a stable sort of quadrant foursquare, but that kind of thing understandable takes more effort to maintain so as to prevent everyone from getting fed up and killing each other.

Do you follow me?

Maybe not from your perspective, but I have no reason to lie to you. You either believe me or you don't. That's kind of how it works with gods, most of the time.

[Thank goodness Karkat told that to him rather than sending it to him as a wall of text, because he would have the hardest time reading this. As it is he has ADHD pretty bad but he tries really hard to focus through the whole thing and is pretty sure he caught all the buzzwords. Maybe.]

Cornucopia romance? I mean I think I get what you're talking about but these words are rough, man.

[Karkat lets that first subject go, then, since his position's already clear. He was staunchly atheist before he came here, and the exceptions now have been taken only with good proof.]

[As for the romance talk--]

Were you even listening, or did you dig your sorry excuse for a vocabulary out of a back alley dumpster? Con-cu-pi-scent. Con-ci-li-a-to-ry. They aren't even that hard!

[Percy doesn't let it go.]

Out of curiosity, what constitutes "proof" in your esteem?

[As for the romance...now Percy's a little frustrated.]

Look, I'm trying, here. I got kicked out of every school I ever went to. Give me a break. I'm really trying. It's a lot at once.

[Cue a quick, irritable sigh.]

Strength through prayer. Having created a world. Divine manifestation. The word of the best friend I've made here who has proven to be intelligent, reliable, and worthy of trust for these kind of things, given how freakish her world is to begin with.

And you see, this is why I call you humans idiots. A rare few of you can manage to comprehend it, but to others I sigh, hang my head, and wonder why I even bothered. If you can't get the base terminology, how are you going to understand the details, let alone the fine nuances?

My father is the god of the sea. He is also the god of earthquakes and horses. I'm his son so that gives me some rad powers, which I have no reason to show you the extent of. Sometimes my dad will help me out if I pray, but demigod heroes have to carve their own paths. I didn't even meet him until I was twelve. And I'm only half god. My mom is a normal mortal.

... I don't even know what you mean by "divine manifestation". I'm not a god.

[But he could have been.]

And I'm not an idiot, okay. I have a learning disability. Two different things. Thanks.

Edited 2013-05-07 03:51 (UTC)

I mean I saw a vision of a god before me, it gave me power, and I became one myself. Physical change, however temporary, and the soul-deep knowledge that that was that happened. I wasn't the only one it happened to, either.

It's ultimately a long story, and considering your inability to follow my other explanation, you'd be better off getting it from someone else.

So listen: if your dad shows up and shows off and proves what he is, then I'll believe you, but until then I will gladly take my skepticism, because it hasn't failed me yet.

[He rolls his eyes.]

Explain to me the difference, because I fail to see it when the end result here is the same.

[Karkat Vantas: not the most progressive.]

Well I don't have the power to summon him. I don't think he can even hear me here. I didn't even dream last night. And he's busy. I've only met him a half dozen times myself.

[Percy sighs and colors a little. This is embarrassing!]

I have ADHD. Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. It means I have trouble paying attention, particularly for long stretches of time. I start wondering what it's like to have horns or why you have the Cancer symbol on your shirt or trying to figure out what the hell a "matespritship" is while you keep talking. I've also been pacing and kicking sand around this entire time.

I can get it. It just takes me a little longer.

Edited 2013-05-07 04:33 (UTC)

Did I ask you to summon him? If the scientists want to bring him here, they will, and we'll both see what happens then. Until that point, you know my stance.

[He just raises an eyebrow to the explanation.]

Sounds like a sorry excuse for "shitty listener". I already told you what matespritship is, right there, first quadrant. As for the other things, having horns is badass and beats lacking them in every way possible, and I have a so-called Cancer symbol on my shirt because it's my sign, and when my team and I made earth some of our aspects affected it. It doesn't mean Cancer on my planet and is unrelated to the 48 signs of our own zodiac, but I will not explain what it does mean since that's another incredibly long story I have no patience to tell you.

Whatever, dude.

It's not an excuse. It's a learning disability.

[Ruuude.]

What do you mean you made Earth?

[Karkat still doesn't care. Rude, yes.]

I mean I had a part in it coming into existence. Not your Earth, technically, but the earth from the collective of linked universes from which the scientists have drawn me, my team, and other related individuals into this place.

I will give you the stupid version that explains almost nothing: A team of twelve trolls with me as leader played a game called Sgrub. Part of the game involved frog breeding. I helped our frog breeder for the ultimate goal of breeding the Genesis Frog, which is literally a universe, and furthermore shaped in outcome by the actions of the twelve of us within the game. That universe contained Earth, with humans and everything.

Well...that's really cool. Kind of makes everything I've done seem sort of trivial.

And that's why all your swooshy water tricks don't send me down bowing before you in awe. Not that I even do that for the gods I do believe in. And yes, I know you said you're only half, but that's beside the point.

[VIDEO]

persea - 2013-05-11 18:35 (UTC) - Expand

[ He finds this completely interesting and somewhere on the island, there are extensive notes scrawled in the sand and bulletpointed with seashells and rocks about troll romance. ]

[Talk to him about it someday, Gumball, and he will tell you all you wish to know.]

[ He wants to learn it ALL. But he is ~~gunshy/scared of Karkat~~ still offended about being hung up on so for now he's lurking in the shadows of this video, blending in like a big, stupid looking, pink chameleon. ]

[Big, stupid-looking, pink chameleons are pretty hard to miss even in the background of a video, especially when this planet isn't as colorful as Alternia was. Really, how do humans live with so much green?]

[Long story short, Karkat winds up curious enough to send Prince Gumball another message.]

What the heck are you doing?

[ He can't answer that question because he lives in a kingdom that vomits bright colors and sugar so all the green is outside of his proximal zone of comfort as well.

He turns his attention toward the video screen, slightly surprised. ]

Oh, I don't have a pen or paper yet for notes yet. I didn't want to miss anything though. [ for science ]

[His expression softens some, but doesn't lose the curiosity.]

You're actually care enough about the subject to take notes?

If it's true that your kind had a part in the creation of the earth, even if it may or may not be mine...though that can be argued. Anyway. It is definitely a subject I care about! This is something that scientists have been trying to get to the bottom of for centuries!

[ Yeah, he was completely eavesdropping and though he's not ashamed of it, he's definitely embarrassed and sheepish that he was caught.

And he's readying the volume control on his Starfish. ]

[Just like that, he's back to frowning. He thought it was troll romance he was interested about.]

It's not your earth and I don't give one flying fuck about yours beyond what little thought it takes to decide I never want to visit it, ever. Humans are bizarre and culturally inept on all fronts, and a sorry product of our efforts compared to a species like trolls, but they are infinitely better than a world where sugar people exist. Yours notes aren't even going to last if you scratch them out in sand, dumbass.

[The volume control isn't all that necessary this time, though.]

[ He's not NOT interested in troll romance but his notes on that one halted when the creation of the earth subject came up.

Though he'd like to do some trial and error troll romance experiments with Karkat because he's weird and awkward like that. ]

Do you like to eat sweets or do trolls eat different and more bitter or foul things?

[ He looks at his notes in the sand. ]

I'll take a picture of them and they'll be eternal!

Y-

Yes, we eat sweet things.

[His head is outright tilted to the side now.]

But what does that have to do with this? I'm not going to eat you, or any other sugar person who shows up.

That's still a stupid way to take notes.

[ He laughs that off jovially. ]

I wasn't worried about you eating me! I just wanted to know if candy was something you didn't like since you seem so against it. I would think that the idea of an entire kingdom made of deliciousness would skronk up your frown.

I'd take notes a bit more efficiently if I had something to write with.

Edited 2013-05-12 00:22 (UTC)

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