caughtinanetwork

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(ooc: backdated to be posted early in curse week, but be sure to bother him as the week goes on)

[When the SFC first turns on, all that is visible is red and white. As it slowly backs away, more of the hat is visible to show alternating stripes and a white brim atop Mr. D's curly black-purple hair. No more of his face is shown than the bridge of his nose, but his eyes are narrowed in extreme displeasure]

I demand an explanation for this outrage.
I warn you I'm someone you don't want to enrage.

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You're wearing a hat.

[Totally not afraid of your rage, buddy.]

[more narrowed eyes]

Your obvious observation is not appreciated.
My curiosity has not been satiated.
May anger should not be underrated.

[he shakes his head as if to attempt to clear it]

...and I demand an actual answer. And who are you?

And now you're going to speak in rhyme at me? You're not very impressive with your rage.

[Equius sighs, but then decides to cooperate.]

It's a curse, obviously. And my name is Equius Zahhak.

It's not the likes of you that I'm trying to impress
But it seems the will of the hat-- but I digress.

[It gives him pause to think of a rhyme for "Equius" and for a moment, he seems to flicker from an angry, sloppy, unshaven man into and angry, clean-shaven, slightly effeminate man with the same hair and eye colour... but the image doesn't last. Must be a fault in the SFC's video]

What kind of a curse? Whose doing?

[Equius raises an eyebrow at the way the dude flickers, but he doesn't comment on it.]

Curses happen about every two weeks or so. They make you do things you don't want to, or feel things you're not expecting to. The scientists who brought us to this place are responsible.

What's your name?

You say this is science and not the work of the god?
It seems to me that this system is flawed.
To pull someone from their home and into the sea
and then in addition put them through such misery
...If you must call me something... Mr. D.

[this whole thing is making him angrier by the minute]

Of course it's the work of scientists. You don't actually believe in that magic foolishness, do you?

I believe only that which I see with my own eyes.
If it's magic or science, neither is a surprise.
Not believing in magic would make me the fool.
When it's the work of real gods, magic is the obvious tool.

[Too many damn words to say "yes." This is really starting to annoy him.]

[Eye roll. Real gods, huh?]

I see. And which gods do you believe in?

[An eyeroll? An eyeroll?! It isn't that Equius isn't a believer (who had time for educating ignorant people anyway?). It's the disrespect. Mr D has to duck out of view of the SFC's video feed for a moment so he doesn't do anything in godly anger to reveal himself.

A moment later, he comes back, completely straight-faced and serious for a man in a red and white striped hat. He holds out a hand, palm up, and for a moment, light seems to bend around a pinpoint. When it clears, he's holding a can of Diet Coke. ~~Really, this trick was more effective when he could summon wine.~~ Have your science explain that, Equius. :| ]

[Equius' eyes widen briefly at that, but then he shrugs his shoulders.]

All right, so you have a fancy sylladex. Darkleer must have helped you with that.

[He gets out his own sylladex and pulls out a wrench.]

I can do it too, see?

[The terminology and the wrench confuse Mr. D enough to break the rhyming habit, but it still seems to take him a great amount of willpower to speak normally.]

What is a sylladex? Who or what is a dark leer?

[Oh for goodness sake.]

Darkleer is my ancestor, and a sylladex is how I carry things around.

[How do you really explain a sylladex? Everyone has one in his world.]

You know, like how you got that can of swill. You put things in it and get them out later.

[Kurloz is the exact wrong person to demand an explanation from. But maybe the newsboy cap he's wearing between his horns will influence him to be more helpful?

Apparently not. Because when he holds up a paper, there's some writing on it that reads Extra, Extra! Read all about it! Curse in Verse!]

Edited 2013-06-21 22:27 (UTC)

Curse? Curse?! What is this about a curse?
Is this the explanation for my speaking in verse?

[Yes, because asking the mime is going to net a whole lot of answers. The wine god is too fidgety to really think straight]

[Well, apparently he's being slightly helpful, because he starts drawing on his paper again. When he holds it up again, there's a little crude picture of the Vatheon tattoo, and something that's supposed to look like the coral? Maybe?

Then he tips his hat at Mr. D. Hopefully he can get that hint.]

[The tattoo! Well, that explained some of it. He'd noticed it when he first arrived (after all, new marks on his 4000+ year old body is something a guy would notice) but only recently had it done anything strange other than exist.

He has a sudden stroke of insight and backs up in the video slightly to show his hands]

The coral caused this? [he signs, hoping that not actually speaking with keep him from the ridiculous rhyming]

[Kurloz makes a little "kind of" gesture, but nods. That's the simple explanation, really, though the more complicated bit is that there're the scientists behind it, too.]

[he forgets himself a moment and speaks again... immediately regretting this decision]

I need to get behind this and uncover the truth
But I am a camp director not some kind of a sleuth.

[yes, that disgusted face is because he admitted the camp thing to someone who didn't already know]

How long will it last? Is this common?

[It gets a moment of brief confusion from Kurloz, and although he's definitely filed the information away in his brain, he doesn't have much context in order to care about it.

As for those questions... he counts off to seven on his fingers- seven days, a week, not too long, really, and then nods. It's a basic feature of Vatheon. And there are worse ways to learn it than this curse, in his opinion.]

[He looks exasperated]

Seven days of this? An entire week?
And I'm unable to change the way that I speak.
Distracted by string and frightened by a dog.
It feels like my head is in an unusual fog.

[He nods sympathetically, then taps his own hat. He can't take it off, and he's been giving people newspapers all day. He doesn't mind it as much as Mr. D seems to mind the rhyming, though.]

[He signs sloppily in response. Something along the lines of "You too, huh?"

Sighing deeply, he summons a Diet Coke can out of thin air, taps the top, and pops it open. He scowls, looking off-camera for a moment as he takes a sip. This is annoying.]

[Truly irritating. They suffer so.

That line of conversation, however, is momentarily derailed as Kurloz watches the soda pop into existence. He points at it, then tilts his head curiously. How'd Mr. D do that?]

[He holds up the can to the SFC in a mini toast before responding]

This little can is the mark of my real curse
Not simply this nonsense of speaking in verse.
It is part of my real power to make and summon wine
and cultivate fruits that grow on a vine.
This Diet Coke is a mark of shame.
For such a drink is not worthy of my name.

[He's not sure how much Kurloz will get out of that answer, but gods are hardly direct even when they aren't curse to rhyme everything.]

[He frowns for a long time as he puzzles it out. But then, with a look of dawning comprehension, he repeats the sign that Mr. D first gave him when introducing himself- the sign for wine, not the one for the letter D.]

[Oh shit, that sure looks like the motherfucker what gave Gamzee such a good time by turning him into a flipperbeast. Ignoring the subject of the post completely, Gamzee instead replies with his most enthusiastic smile.]

Shit, it's you, bro! I still gotta fuckin' thank you for what you done to a motherfucker.

[He stares.

For a long moment, Mr. D is trying to decide if he's just going to turn the SFC off entirely, foregoing any answers he might hope to receive by broadcasting his predicament to the whole of the bubble... but then he decides to confront the foulmouthed one.

At least "motherfucker" is directed at himself this time. Perhaps the god had been a bit hasty, but disrespect was still disrespect]

You don't need to thank me for what I have done.
That was supposed to be punishment, but instead it was fun.
Be more mindful before you speak,
Or you'll spend more time saying more than just heeee(n)k.

[Oh shit, are they rapping, they are rapping, whoa this is one hella chill awesome dude. Not only does he randomly hand out cool miracles to bros, but he also drops some ill rhymes.

He hums to himself for a moment, setting the beat, trying to spin out the rhymes before he starts]

Think before he speaks, shit, a bro can try.
a friend gets to asking, you gotta fuckin' comply.
Motherfucker, don't you worry, shit's gonna be fine.
Gonna try and be keep my gash all in line.

Mr D rubs his face with his hand then actually steps out of range of the SFC to spend a few minutes trying to violently rip the hat off his head. He can't handle this rhyming stuff when he's trying to be reproachful. This is NOT the way to get disrespectful former-dolphin horned clowns to respect someone.

When he comes back, his hair is messed up more than usual, but the hat is still firmly attached]

This whole conversation is completely absurd.
You need to be more respectful when saying that word.
I hope you enjoyed your time as a fish
Because if you continue you'll be getting your wish
Not just a dolphin but the entire zoo.
There's no end to the things that can happen to you.

[A look of confusion momentarily passes over Gamzee's face, though it does take him a few seconds to think up the proper slams here. Unlike Mr. D his rhymes aren't being fed to him by a magic hat. It is all his brain at work.]

Brother that just sounds like motherfuckin' miracles to me.
Jazzing a motherfucker up to a hellacious degree.
But you say a bro gotta show his fuckin' respect
else he's gonna up and get his shit wrecked.
Gotta stop saying the word, else there'll be a fuckin scene
but man, which word do you all fuckin' mean?

[He had been wondering about that. Transformation into a dolphin had not been a lesson. The cur actually enjoyed it.... On the positive side, the clown got the meaning of Mr. D's rhymes words, but didn't seem to see what the offense was. This would take far more patience than the god had at the moment.]

Erre es korokas, you horned child.
Don't you realize what you've said that's reviled?
If you want miracles, then don't change your pace.
It's easy enough for your body to be replaced.

Bro, I don't get what I said
that got you feelin' all sorts of grouchy in the head.
but shit, you lay it on a brother nice and tight.
and we'll set this motherfuckin' bizzy right.

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