[Video] In which Smoker tries to cook but Sanji takes over

[justicereigns]

[Here's a rare face of the almost hermit of a marine. He's smoking as much as ever, two cigars at a time, and he appears to be in a kitchen making... ice cream?]

So I overdid my recipe and I have a ton extra ingredients. And I don't want to waste it, so does anyone want some ice cream? If you have the recipe I'll make a different flavor. [If you think this is strange, it's called tsundere. Also it's about to get stranger.]

[Because Sanji chooses that exact moment to wander into the kitchen, also smoking, though he's only got one cigarette dangling at the edge of his mouth. He's absently scratching the back of his head and sounds almost bored when he speaks.]

Oi, shitty cigar man, think I'm gonna make sushi for lunch, you want anythi—

[He stops suddenly, seeing the mess in Smoker's HIS kitchen (and if there's not really a mess, well, there's shit out and some kinda food being made and it's not by Sanji's hands, ergo...mess), and his entire demeanor changes in 0.2 seconds.]

The hell are you doing?!

[Smoker looks incredibly annoyed and points to the ice cream supplies.] Cooking. In my kitchen. [A stubborn arm fold. Aw no, shit's about to get real.]

[Sanji just snorts, because your kitchen? Oh Smoker.] Tch, stopped being yours the second I moved in. [He stomps over, eyeing the ingredients.] Ice cream? [Then he spots the SFC, and promptly shoots Smoker an incredulous look.]

Are you recording yourself making ice cream? What, starting some kinda shitty cooking program?

Oi, who the hell said you could move in? [Smoker's distracted with flushing again though, and he shakes his head, mumbling.] No, I just made too much.... Shut up! [And with that he storms out. Defeated by his own tsun.]

[Raises an eyebrow as he watches him go, mostly just kind of amused.] That idiot... [Checks out the ingredients again, and you know, there really is a lot left. And Smoker just left it all out. Sanji's not about to let anything go to waste, and hey, the shitty starfish is still recording, right?

So he gets all up in the thing's camera, grinning like a moron.]

Good afternoon, beautiful ladies of Vatheon~! Seems I've got all the supplies here for ice cream sundaes! [Clasps his hands together up by his face.] Or perhaps you'd all like to come over for a romantic candlelight dinner first?? [SMOLDERING LOOK.] We can have dessert later~

[But that look doesn't last long, because the idea of any women coming over sets Sanji off twirling around, spewing hearts and babbling randomness like "MELLORINE, MEEEELLORINE~!" annnd that's too much for even the SFC to deal with, so the video feed thankfully cuts off!]

Comments

[action]

[missiles]

[And he's just going to peek his head into the kitchen.]

What the hell are you doin'? It sounds like you're killin' a cat.

[action]

[justicereigns]

[Sitting off in the couch to the side, Smoker cranes his head over the back and makes an "ixnay" gesture.]

Caterwauling you mean. And yeah, the idiot pirate does that. [GRUMPS FOREVER.]

[Um. Also. Yes. So boyfriend, meet pirate trespasser, ero-cook meet boyfriend? Whatever Smoker doesn't do introductions. Also none of this explains why there's a pirate in his kitchen.]

[action]

[missiles]

Killing a cat would sound better than that.

[He sighs and comes over to him, running his fingers through his hair.]

Sorry for intrudin' on your... whatever this is, but I came for ice cream.

[Leaning over the couch, and patting his cheek lightly.]

[action]

[justicereigns]

I'm strategically plotting how to get it back from the pirate's blockade.

[HE SAYS SO SERIOUSLY.]

[BTW Grit, you could probably just go grab it.]

[action]

[missiles]

...You know, I think you could probably lift him and move him away.

[Seriously.

And he's trolling you first.]

[action]

[justicereigns]

He knows haki and I don't want to deal with those kicks.

[ACTUALLY he doesn't know haki yet, but Smoker is forgetting timelines.]

[action]

[missiles]

Go for the legs.

[It's pretty obvious to him.]

[action]

[justicereigns]

Or you could go get your own.

[JUST SAYING.]

He probably won't kick you. [Probably he says.]

[action]

[missiles]

Probably, you say. You know, probably is kind of shitty odds.

[He sighs.]

That's like saying you probably won't get shot if you piss off a man with a gun.

[action]

[justicereigns]

Pretend to be a hungry girl.

Re: [action]

[serving_love]

[Nosy McEars over here hears that, and he's immediately butting in on your conversation.]

Wait, I do? Really??

Re: [action]

[justicereigns]

[A head tilt.] Is that supposed to be sarcasm?

Re: [action]

[serving_love]

No, seriously!

[He's suddenly coming over and vaulting over the back of the couch and—

*push*

*shove*

—he's just gonna make himself comfortable here, sorry dudes, he's not interrupting anything, right?]

I learn how to do haki??

[Excited like a five-year-old.]

[action]

[serving_love]

[Instantly puts the breaks on and stops spinning around like a fool because what, this guy is not a lady, why is he here. :|]

I'm cooking, dumbass, what's it look like? [Peers at him suspiciously.] You a friend of Smoker's?

[action]

[missiles]

Something like that.

[Going to come over and steal a bowl of ice cream.]

You make this or did he?

Re: [action]

[serving_love]

He made that one.

[Since Sanji hasn't actually started making anything yet... He raises his voice, so Smoker can hear him.]

But he left all this shit out, so I'm gonna make some more.

[action]

[missiles]

Yeah, he's a kinda messy guy.

[Going to move to sit and watch.]

But how much ice cream do you think we need?

[action]

[justicereigns]

I am not that messy. [BRIGHT RED.]

[No, he's not taking this weird and awkwardly out of context at all, why would you think that?]

[action]

[missiles]

Y'sure you want to argue about how messy you are now? [Pointing a thumb at Sanji.]

[action]

[justicereigns]

[Slow flush and coughs.]

Tch.

What flavor of messy ice cream did you want again? [Freudian slips all over.]

[action]

[missiles]

[Just going to laugh at that.]

I'm good with vanilla. Maybe with bananas.

[action]

[serving_love]

Tch, which is kinda weird, being a marine and all.

[Big stupid grin suddenly.]

Tons! We'll need a lot for all the ladies who are going to come by~!

[action]

[missiles]

Being a seaman is pretty messy, you know. I've seen plenty in my time.

[Let it all sink in Sanji.]

So how many ladies are saying they're going to stop by then?

Re: [action]

[serving_love]

[Nope, that's just gonna go riiiight over his head at first.]

It ain't that messy, I'd know. You're looking at another one.

[How many ladies? Um. ...Sanji lights up another smoke, buying some time before answering.]

Er, well. None. Yet! But they will!

Re: [action]

[missiles]

[See this is why you don't get any ladies.]

You must clean up after yourself.

[He's going to pull out a cigarette of his own and steal the flame himself.]

We'll see about that, I guess.