caughtinanetwork | video; open

Entry tags:

video; open

... It's waxing crescent again.

[That's what he mutters after a while. The camera's facing what looks to be the horizon over the island and floating not too low in the sky is the moon, just a small, sharp sliver of bright white.

For those who recognize the voice, it's undoubtedly Saix speaking, but there's something different about it all the same. It sounds... almost mesmerized, as if he's not quite all there. That's because whoever's been stuck inside of this body can't quite control it yet and thanks to the moon's power, far away or as different as it is from the one back home, Axel can barely focus his mind and body on anything else.

Originally he had intended for this to be a normal video. He wanted to address the rest of the dome the way he used to when he was in his regular body. Maybe if he tossed out a joke or two he would feels better... but he finds that he can't. Not like this.

Something tugs at his chest and off to the side Axel brings a hand to his face, covering his eyes. He doesn't like this... feeling so out of power. After a moment, he speaks up again, his voice slightly grating.]

Someone tell me... How do you know if you have a heart?

And is it worth all the trouble it gives?

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I still don't understand how that wasn't obvious. What did you and the rest of the Organization think I was doing with all my spare time? I wasn't writing a 700 page book full of love poems for Xemnas, I was doing actual work so that I could keep my position.

It's just not something I'm used to when it comes to you.

[Sure, Isa had always been quiet, but he wasn't so disconnected from people like this, especially Lea. Those boys were practically joined at the hip.]

If you say so.

[Yes, he might be huffing at the other end of the line, what of it. This whole conversation is just... confusing. It hurts a little, too.]

You can't just say 'everything' and expect to get a straight answer. We need to start off somewhere first.

Then we can start with this.

What do you want from me?

[...Touche.]

Back before all of this happened, when I was in my own body, I think I wanted to kill you.

Maybe that's not it. I think I just wanted to see you die for myself, on some level. Maybe it's just your body, but I don't want that anymore, not right now.

[He's starting to realize how fucked up actually saying that desire comes off as...]

Why would you wanna see that?

[He's not as surprised as he could be, but that's probably because of this body.]

I don't know. I just know I wanted to see it. Maybe I thought that would settle things for me between us.

You know, when I saw what had happened to your Proof of Existence and when the Dusks brought their report on you, I knew I was going to die soon as well.

Why did you think that?

I just knew. Everything was falling apart, and realizing you had died was the tipping point. I knew there was no way to fix anything as much as I tried.

[He contemplates asking something, wondering if it would be stupid, but in the end he asks it anyway, even if the response would be obvious.]

Did you mourn?

Of course not. No heart, remember?

Does it make you feel anything now?

[Long pauses sure are popular, aren't they?]

I

think so, yes.

Do you know what it is?

[He's simply asking because he's curious.]

I might be unused to having a heart again, but I'm fairly certain that I can at least faintly remember what emotion feels like.

[Sort... of...]

It didn't hurt like this when I first heard about you dying. I don't know why I even feel anything in the first place considering you're alive and well right here. I should know, being the one in your quite living body.

We don't even know for sure if my body has a heart.

... Regardless, you shouldn't fight it if you are.

Well it has SOMETHING, even if it's just a parasitic connection to Roxas.

And I'm not fighting it.

I mean, not much. I'm just unused to this alright?

Is it fun?

[...]

I am having lots of fun in this body, thank you very much. A vengeance demon and I built a bonfire and had smores.

So you only have fun when you're inside of me, huh.

[... Wait, oops. He sends another text immediately afterward.]

You made a bonfire?

[Huff!!!]

I can have fun when I'm myself too. It's just a different kind of fun.

Yes, I did.

Last I checked, your idea of fun was breaking my hand.

Were you able to control the fire well?

Actually my idea of fun was throwing you against that arcade machine.

[Get it right, Axel, god. Also, another awkward pause.]

I'm getting better at it. It's still a little uncontrollable..

I don't want to ask how that was more fun.

You'd better not go overboard with it.

[ . . . ]

Define 'overboard'.