caughtinanetwork | (no subject)

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[Sola appears on the screen, face puffy and expression desolate. His eyes don't meet the camera as he speaks, low and halting.]

I just wanted to say, I'm really sorry for hurting anyone...

[He rubs his eyes with the back of his hand, sniffling a bit before continuing.]

You won't have to worry about me anymore. I-I won't bother anybody, so... just... forget me. It's better that way.

Zelda, especially, I-I'm sorry I'm not...

[He swallows hard, turning a little further away from the camera.]

I'm sorry I'm not him. I hope he finds you, and that you can be happy. I-I promise, he... he loves you very much.

[He sits there, back to the camera, for an interminable moment, sorrow plain in the hunch of his shoulders. With a small swallow, he turns off the feed.]

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[Almost immediately after Sola makes the post Ion bursts back into the room, out of breath. He'd ran home as fast as he could, understanding all too well that feeling of not living up to the original. He doesn't say anything, he just goes over to the bed and hugs Sola tightly.]

[After posting his apology, all Sola wants to do is disappear. He doesn't belong here. He's supposed to be dead, isn't he? He died, but somehow woke up here and then everything was confusing and he isn't who he's supposed to be and...

and suddenly Ion's hugging him and the valiant effort he was making at not falling apart completely goes all to pieces. With a wrenching sob, Sola hides his face in the smaller boy's shoulder, unable to hold it back.]

You're not a bother Sola, you're not...

[He strokes his hair and holds his head gently, rocking back and forth slightly. He knows that Sola probably doesn't hear his words right now so he just stays close, forcing his fellow replica to stay grounded in reality. Sola can't fade away, Ion will tether him to this world all by himself if he has to.]

[Sola shudders, sobbing bitterly and beginning several words without being able to complete them. He shouldn't be here, not in Vatheon, not in Hyrule, not anywhere. He makes Ion worry, he can't wake Izaya up, he bothers Signless and Shizuo and everyone else with his ignorance and incomprehension. And worst of all...

Zelda's face after they'd kissed won't leave his mind. He'd stolen something from her, he knows that now, and he can't forgive himself for making her look like that, for causing her pain or distress.

It would be better if he was never created.]

[Ion moves one of his hands down to rub Sola's back, murmuring to him quietly. He doesn't entirely expect Sola to respond, but he hopes that some of it will get through.]

You are a good person, and my dear friend. You and I... we can't be expected to be able to do what everyone else our apparent age can do, Sola. We were both created so recently in comparison. If we were born, we would still be in diapers.

Even so, you go out of your way to try and help people, don't you? I think that's wonderful. You've barely lived a life for yourself, and you still reach out to others. You will be come a fine man. So please... don't give up on yourself yet.

No, no, I-I'm not a person a-at all. I shouldn't exist, I'm not real, all I do is make people worry and hurt a-a-and I...

[He hiccups, burying his face further in Ion's shoulder even as he wishes he could pull away and hide. He can't bring himself to leave the embrace.]

I-I'm not him, Ion. I'm supposed to be him but I'm not and it makes her make that face...

[Knock knock knock!]

[Hmmm, it appears there's someone at the door. Someone who may or may not be Sola's troll dad.]

[Ion doesn't want to move for even a moment when Sola is saying horrible things like "I shouldn't exist", and so he doesn't. He raises one hand in the direction he knows the front door to be and opens it with a simple arte.

It doesn't even matter if it's someone dangerous. If it is, Sola will snap out of it and fight to protect him.]

[Sola, for his part, doesn't even look up, seemingly unaware of the presence of anyone else in the apartment. He just wishes he wasn't here, wasn't anywhere at all, then maybe he wouldn't hurt anyone, and Zelda's face wouldn't haunt him so...]

[Signless lets himself in, and follows the sounds of quiet murmurings towards the bedroom in the back of the apartment. Once there, he stands in the doorway for a moment, taking in the scene, and nods at Ion.]

My name is Signless. [he gestures towards Sola] May I?

[Ion looks up at the strange creature warily. His eyes are kind, but he looks like a demon. He doesn't let go of the other replica, he just moves to the side so that Signless can sit by him as well.]

How did you know to come here...?

[The Fon Master is not aware of the post that Sola made.]

[Sola pushes on Ion gently, trying to sit himself up and away from the Fon Master though not very far. Eyes still red, he looks up with a watery expression and meets Signless's gaze. There's a slight glimmer of happiness for a moment but it recedes almost instantly as Sola closes his eyes and looks away, curling himself into a tight ball in the corner of the bed where it meets the wall.]

No, no no, you're supposed to forget about me, it's better...

[He hugs himself, whispering, almost as if he doesn't want to speak the words.] Just go away.

Sola made a message on the network, and I came as soon as I could.

[Signless wants to play nice and respect that he's in someone else's home, but he can't stand the sight of Sola curled in a ball like that. He makes his way to the bed and sits on the end, one hand moving out to rest on Sola's shoulder. If the other man weren't in the room, he'd curl right around his friend.]

Now you're just being silly, Sola. Why would I ever want to forget you?

[Ion honestly wouldn't mind if he did. It's a relief to him to have an adult take over, though he's not going to leave entirely. He does go to shut the door and come back, crawling up on the bed as well on Sola's other side.]

She loves him.. the only reason she kissed me was because she loves him so much and I... [Another sob wracks him, sending him curling up even tighter with his forehead against his knees.]

I was Link, I was him and I felt right and normal and I knew things...

[He had been whole, he hadn't wanted the curse to end, as he'd told Darkleer. Now he was just a shadow again...]

[All right, another person here or not, Signless is going to use his +10 Hug Power now. He shifts his legs up onto the bed and spoons himself around Sola in a full body hug.]

It's hard, isn't it, figuring out who you are?

[Ion feels his mouth dry out when Sola speaks again. He gained the memories of his original, truly? He can't even imagine the pain. He's right there with Signless, moving without thinking.]

Who you are is precious. You have been given life here, a-and maybe you can't make everyone happy, but it makes me happy to be your friend. It really, really does...

[Sola hiccups again, his sobbing calming under the combined comfort of his fellow replica and his troll dad. That doesn't keep him from sounding wretched, though.]

I'll never be happy. I can't be him, and she only loves him, and I-I can't be happy without her...

[He hunkers down ever so slightly more, but only succeeds in ensconcing himself more tightly into the double cuddle.]

I should have faded away when he killed me... All I do is make her upset...

[Signless looks gratefully at Ion; he might not know who he is, but he's so thankful that he's here right now. Then he curls back around Sola.]

It feels that way right now, doesn't it? That you'll never be happy without her, like you can't even exist without her.

[Squeeze]

Sola, the fact that you're feeling this way makes you more real than anything that's happened before. You have to truly be your own person to be able to feel pain like this.

[Ion only tightens his hold. Signless's words are terrifying. What if Sola decides that means he doesn't want to be a person at all? The Fon Master can feel a darkness still present in his friend, and he doesn't want it to come back out.]

[Ion is right to worry. What Sola said in his message, that he really doesn't want to bother anyone, he really feels it, believes it completely.

...that Face she made...]

I don't want to be real, if all it does is hurt...

[His voice is barely audible, a mere echo, and strangely his appearance seems to match for an instant. Signless and Ion can see through him, Sola becoming just a translucent shadow just in that one moment before appearing solid again and beyond the point of tears, just a harrowed expression of emptiness and a gray pallor to his skin.]

[Whoah. That shadow thing that just happened to Sola scares Signless. It scares him deeply, and he clings a little tighter.]

But Sola... think about all the good things you've felt too. Remember in the park, when you first learned how to use your sylladex? And how happy you were, and how proud of you I was?

[He brushes some silvery hair off his friend's forehead.]

Or playing ball at the picnic? Living and existing means hurting sometimes, it's true, but it can also bring you so much joy and happiness that it makes the hurting worth it!

[Ion's composure is lost when Sola starts to fade, even for that brief moment. Memories of the time his own fonons dissipated rush back with blinding speed, along with memories of the feeling of nothingness. He lets out a desperate cry befitting the two-year-old that he actually is, grabbing Sola's sleeve.]

Don't, you can't! Please don't let yourself fade away, don't go!

[The sudden tightening of both embraces, more than their cries and cajoling, snaps Sola's eyes wide open. He'd felt it, too. He hadn't been watching himself, but he'd felt like he was slipping away, turning into nothing, his outside trying to reflect what his inside is feeling. It's what he wanted, what he'd said should happen and maybe it is, but...

but...

It's terrifying.

And Ion knows too, first hand, clinging to Sola's sleeve like a drowning man to a life raft. And Signless' arms around him are taut with worry, with fear. And suddenly Sola understands.

He can't fade away, he can't be someone else, even if he makes people sad... because they'd be sad if he was gone, too.

His voice comes out as a croaking whisper but he reaches for Ion, cradling him as Signless continues to cradle Sola.]

I'm sorry, I'm really sorry. I won't, I promise, don't cry...

[Signless is just going to hold both of them, stretching his arms out to include Ion in his embrace. He's not quite sure what just happened, but clearly the other man knows, and it frightened him badly.]

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actionjack!

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