(no subject)

[replicatedcourage]

 [Sola appears on the screen, face puffy and expression desolate. His eyes don't meet the camera as he speaks, low and halting.]

I just wanted to say, I'm really sorry for hurting anyone...

[He rubs his eyes with the back of his hand, sniffling a bit before continuing.]

You won't have to worry about me anymore. I-I won't bother anybody, so... just... forget me. It's better that way.

Zelda, especially, I-I'm sorry I'm not...

[He swallows hard, turning a little further away from the camera.]

I'm sorry I'm not him. I hope he finds you, and that you can be happy. I-I promise, he... he loves you very much.

[He sits there, back to the camera, for an interminable moment, sorrow plain in the hunch of his shoulders. With a small swallow, he turns off the feed.]

Comments

[replicatedcourage]

[Many hours later Sola finally feels better enough to check his messages. It surprises him when someone he doesn't know has sent him a message, even more so that he has a hard time understanding the words, but from what he can guess the troll is telling him he can call and talk? Maybe, if he's reading that right.]

U-umm... hello? Thank you, for trying to help I think.

[420]

[ooc: Gonna assume that seeing as this came after a couple of hours that the whole 'Karkat dying' thing would've happened. Let me know if you aren't cool with that.]


[It actually takes Gamzee an equal amount of hours to finally get back to him after that message. His day was a little. Lets say busy. Busy is a good way to describe your best friend dying.

He's sounding a whole load more listless now, not as cheerful and upbeat as this morning.]

Uh? Oh. Yeah. I was doing that. Ain't a fuss, brother. Wouldn't all fuckin' do that if it were a motherfuckin' bother.

I expected as much, it's fine

[replicatedcourage]

[That word he keeps saying, "fuckin," Sola's never heard it before. In fact it's just difficult to shift through Gamzee's unique sentence structure, but Sola's quite aware that the Gamzee he's talking to now is not the happy Troll that contacted him before.]

Are you okay?

o7

[420]

[If it was a happier occasion, Gamzee would happily teach him all about the wonder of fuck and its versatile uses, but now...]

Naw. I will be. but I ain't right the motherfuck now.

[replicatedcourage]

Um.. well, if there's anything I can do, tell me, okay? My name's Sola and... well, I guess I know what it's like to be really upset too. Obviously. [He laughs a little, thin and mirthless. His earlier histrionics seem mostly embarrassing now even if he still aches on the inside.]

[420]

It's cool. Ain't nothing no motherfucker can do about this but get their wait on real nice like.

[He pauses for a moment.]

I'm Gamzee. You done be feeling any motherfuckin' better than earlier?

[replicatedcourage]

A little bit. [Sigh] I'm not sure what's going to happen next but... some friends are trying to help.

[Sola raises a hand into his hair, looking frustrated.] Living like a normal person is really hard...

[420]

What makes you say that, brother? Living ain't hard. Just gotta up and be doing what feels right at in your pump. Do right by your motherfuckin' peeps.

[replicatedcourage]

[Okay that...

...

...]

...what?

[420]

[See, normally Sola would be treated to a wonderous spiel of miracles and belief and magic and all the amazing things that life holds.

Right now? With everything that has gone down? Not so much.]


What I be meaning here is... do what makes you happy. Cause you ain't sure when it fuckin' ends.

[replicatedcourage]

Oh.. well, um... I don't think I can. [He smiles ever so slightly, but it's rueful with a twinge of sorrow.] It's really complicated...

I can try and do things that make other people happy though. That'd be good, right?

[420]

Ain't never no shit wrong with helping your bros out. They're being your peeps, right? The motherfuckers what all make sure you are the best motherfucker what you can all be.

But... why can't you be getting your glad on? Fuck, crack that shit at a motherfucker, give him the down low. Cause he ain't all be seeing no reason to not be getting your glad on.

[replicatedcourage]

[It takes Sola a bit to sift through what Gamzee's trying to say, but from what he can gather, the Troll is asking why he can't be happy.]

U-umm.. well... I'm... sort of in love with someone but they don't love me back and I don't think they can ever.

[Sola's shoulders sag and he looks down from the screen, long ears drooping.]

She's in love with someone else, and I look like him but I'm not, so really all I do is make her upset.

[420]

Ah, you're fielding the wicked crushing for some sister. Got your fuckin' pusher all pumping red for her.

[He understands! He has had an unanswered crush before. And an answered love now.]

Maybe it just all need some motherfuckin' time, you get? Gotta chill back and wait for miracles to all get their motherfuckin' happen on in this biznasty. Maybe she ain't all being your serendipity and there be some other bro out there what can get you to feeling those wicked red miracles together. Just cause she ain't love you back, ain't mean you can't all get your glad on none. Gotta your settle down on, maybe, crack some wicked elixir and see what magic life all be bringing you.

lmao Gamzee confuses Sola something fierce

[replicatedcourage]

[Judging by Sola's face, he really didn't understand a word of that, Gamzee.]

...what?

Status effect: confuse

[420]

What?

[God, that was pretty simple, right? Maybe he hadn't talked loud enough?

Oh shit, it must be because he used serendipity. That is such a troll term.]

Ah, fuck, when I was all done be saying 'Serendipity', I were meaning what motherfucker what all be meant for you like fuckin' miracles happening up in this bitch. That help?

Target Sola is confused!

[replicatedcourage]

What, like... a soul mate? Maybe? [Insert clueless blink here.]

people just need to make a 'Gamzee to english' dictionary

[420]

Yeah. Yeah, fuck I think that is all what it is for you bros.

lmao seriously.

[replicatedcourage]

I don't, ah...

["I don't have a soul" isn't exactly something he's comfortable saying out loud, but it's something he's fairly sure of and a point of shame. Ganondorf had told him as much, he's just a soulless shadow until he can get his hands on the Triforce of Courage and that would fix everything.

Only he can't. Not only is the Courage section not here in Vatheon, but Sola isn't even sure he wants it anymore. That won't make him into Link, if he could even steal it from the Hero somehow (Goddess knows he doesn't want to kill him anymore, then Zelda would hate him for eternity.).

It's hopeless. You have to have a soul to have a soul mate.]

I don't think that will work for me.

possibly with pictures.

[420]

Why?

[Everybody got soul mates! You just gotta find yours. He ain't even that much as a romantic like Karkat, but he believes in those kind of miracles.]

And a chapter on eleven million ways to use the word fuck!

[replicatedcourage]

Because. I don't really want to talk about it...

[Sola looks away from the camera again, rubbing his neck uncomfortably. He's likely to crack if Gamzee pushes again but Sola's fairly certain that the Troll can't or won't understand. Only Ion would.

Maybe Sola should talk to him about this, but he's afraid of worrying his roommate and friend yet again, especially with Ion's panicked cry at Sola flickering earlier fresh in his mind.]

It is the most versetile word

[420]

If you're sure, bro. Ain't good to all be keepin' shit bottled up like a shaked up faygo, but you gotta all be going with what feels right.

[replicatedcourage]

How do you know what feels right is right, though? I kissed her, I wanted to and it felt right, but after she was really upset and I-I know I shouldn't love her but that feels right too only it also doesn't because she can't love me like I love her.

[Sola takes a very deep breath after that outburst and turns from the camera, trying to get himself back under control. He'd thought he'd cried it out earlier with Signless but apparently his eyes were an unending producer of tears. All he could do was try and stem the tide with his sleeve.]

[420]

[It's okay. Gamzee won't say anything about a brother getting their cry on. He had done enough of that today too. Though, for some reason, focusing on Sola's questions takes the edge of the deep well of grief inside of him.]

Ain't no brother what done can tell you that shit. Every motherfucker all gotta get their figure on at what is right for themselves. But I ain't all think it is ever fuckin' wrong to love a motherfucker. Love is all being the most beautiful miracle down in this hood. To have a brother what makes you fuckin' feel that motherfuckin' special... even if they don't all feel those wicked feels for you, I ain't see what so motherfuckin' wrong about that.

[replicatedcourage]

Because if I show it she makes this.. face. Like it hurts. [He shakes his head.] I don't want to hurt her, that's the last thing I'd ever want to do ever!