caughtinanetwork | of birds and bees and buckets

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of birds and bees and buckets

[The video shows Signless, sitting somewhere in the bubble, leaning comfortably against the enclosure wall. There's a school of brightly colored tropical fish behind him, circling and swimming close to his head, attracted by the red and orange stitches on his cloak's hood. He has a large, heavy book open across his lap.]

It's been brought to my attention that many of you here don't know about how troll reproduction works, or how relations between concupiscent quadrant partners are supposed to go. If you're interested in troll romance and how that works, let me direct you to a very thorough, very excellent explanation by my descendant, Karkat.

[Link to GUESSWHATSHITSTAINS.pdf.]

I'm here more to talk about reproduction. As it happens, trolls raise their young very differently from humans. We don't grow our young inside our bodies, and we are hatched from eggs rather than born live. When trolls reach the age of maturity, they are visited by the drones quarterly. When the drones visit, the two adult trolls are expected to produce genetic fluids and present them. We produce a significant amount of fluids, enough to fill a bucket when both partners are done, which the drone then takes away to the Mother Grub. All the fluids from all the trolls that quarter are mixed together, the Mother Grub uses them to fertilize herself, and then lays eggs. Those eggs eventually hatch into wigglers, which will grow into young trolls.

That's the biology of it. I understand that's quite different from how humans do things. However--[he holds up the book; it's a copy of Grey's Anatomy, the much ~~hated~~ loved tome of human medical students everywhere]--it looks like our parts are mostly compatible. Fascinating, isn't it?

[He puts the book down, and his expression grows serious.]

However, that's not really what I want to talk about. Reproduction is all well and good, but it isn't an issue here, not without drones or a Mother Grub. What I want to talk about is what leads up to reproduction.

You see, when two trolls pity or hate each other very much, they'll start getting feelings for each other, very special feelings that they don't feel for anyone else. These feelings are normal and expected, and everyone goes through them. I went through them, and so did every other troll who survived into adulthood.

[He smiles wistfully for a moment, the kind of smile that only someone who is far, far removed from puberty and can safely reminisce about it can make.]

Anyway, you'll start to want a partner, either in pity or in hate, and you'll want to do things with that partner, things you wouldn't do with anyone else. Again, this is normal. If you don't have a concupiscent quadrant partner, it's also normal to fantasize about having one, and what you'd do to them. That's fine, go ahead and do that. However, be aware that the reality of having a partner is often different from the fantasy, and almost always different from the way relationships are portrayed in films or books.

Now, when you're old enough, and both you and your partner are ready--and I can't emphasize that part enough, when you're old enough and both ready--you'll want to fill buckets with each other. There are many ways to do that, and half the fun is experimenting with each other and finding out what you both like! It's going to be different with each partner, although certain things are almost universal. When you first start filling buckets, don't expect to be good at it immediately. Pailing is a skill like any other; you will probably fumble and be awkward the first few times, but that's okay. It feels strange and awkward to everyone at first. You'll just need to practice! It gets better, I promise. Filling buckets with someone you really care about is one of the greatest feelings in all of paradox space.

To make it get better faster, talk to your partner. Tell them what you like, so they can do that to you, and likewise, ask them what they like so you can reciprocate. Even if your partner is a mind-reader, it's best to just tell them what you want. But don't be demanding! Ask nicely, and be open to what they want to do too. Communication is key, in this, as in everything else.

[He smiles beatifically at the camera.]

And in the spirit of communication... does anyone have any questions?

[OOC: a few things about this post!

1.) Please don't add any new comments to Karkat's romance post that I linked here. It's old and has a ton of comments already.

2.) Please don't ask specific questions about troll junk. We've got a big cast and no one headcanon about what they're packing, so let's just keep it vague. It's compatible with humans, that's all you need to know.

3.) I put up two threads down below: "Responses" and "Action." If you want to talk to Signless, please thread under "Responses." If any of the threads end up going into action (which is fine!), please move them to the "Action" thread. I'm tracking the "Responses" thread but not the "Action" one; this is to help me keep track of everything.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Oooh, okay then! That's furry good to know.

Anything to ask?

Uhmmmm. Well. Purrhaps. Maybe. I'm not sure.

Well, ask whenever you are comfortable.

It's not beclaws I'm not comfortable! It's a bit more complicated than that...

As I said, whenever you need to talk.

Can we talk now?

Yep.

Okay! Really I did mean to wait beclaws it's not like it's urgent or anything or it wasn't but...

I think this whole thing is worrying Tavros!

I managed to figure that out, yeah.

I don't know what to doooo, I'm afraid I'll make him feel worse if I say anything! And I don't know what I'd say if I did!

You don't need to say anything. Just go be near him and show him you accept him for who he is.

I did that! But you know what he's like. He'll smile and purrtend everything is okay and the second I go and do something else he'll start fretting about it and work himself into an awful state.

You're place isn't to fix his problems, it's to accept them. You need to show him that it's okay to be like this, and that people are still there for him.

But he doesn't have anyone else to help fix them, Lysunder, he doesn't have a moirail and I don't think he even talks all that much to the others sometimes and...

[deep breaths. calm down, Nepeta.] Is it enough fur me to show him I think it's okay for him to be like this if he doesn't feel it is? I don't think it's something he'd even thought about much before this came up.

That's the problem, not everyone will accept their own faults, that's why it's important to have others that do.

[A pause, pulling in a deep breath.]

I know it's cruel, but he has to grow up, he has to be able to confront these issues when they arise. He'll be okay, as long as he has people supporting him.

Hmm...yes, I guess that sounds right. I hope it's enough...

[She rubs at her face. It's not the answer she wants to hear, but it's probably the one that she needs to. She is just really really bad at seeing Tavros unhappy.]

Lysunder, can I ask you something a little bit purrsonal?

[You have to face your problems, it really might not be what she wants to hear, but it's the best advice he can give.]

Yeah?

[It is good advice! She recognizes that much. She's simply not sure how to go about putting it into practice.]

Did you used to be like Tavros when you were his age? So shy and finding it hard to be confident, I mean.

Uh... Heh, well.

Let's just say Tavros is a heck of a lot more social than I ever was at his age. I didn't start really talking to trolls until I was about... [Give him a minute...]

Nine maybe? It happened occasionally, but rarely. I spent all my time training and with animals. I had no interest in interacting with our kind.

Until you were nine? Really?? [Her line of questioning is completely derailed by this revelation. Lysunder, even more shy than Tavros??]

[Well, it started with him being shy, and then became him not giving a shit about a bunch of ass holes that merely disrespected him and the animals around them.]

[You'd be surprised how terrible some cavalreaper riders treated their hoofbeasts...]

Heh, yeah, just about. As said, there were some instances where I did, but uh, those were either accidental or "mandatory". [Not the the finger quotations.]

[Nepeta would be surprised. She may hunt for food but she could never understand being cruel to an animal.]

Mandatory? And you mean you didn't even use to talk to other trolls ofur trollian or whatefur you had back then? Did you have anything like that?

[Trolls are generally not good people. That's how they are, especially in his time.]

Talking to people in person is a lot different from talking to them online. I used the trollian we had, but again, not much. More than I spoke to people in person, but uh, that still wasn't a lot.

And mandatory... Heh, the more you kids talk, the more I'm led to believe the Alternia you lived in was a lot less strict about blood caste differences from the one I grew up in.

No, I know it's not the same thing. I didn't see people in purrson furry often either. But I always thought you could make good friends that way too. Me and Equius ended up moirails over trollian furst really!

I think it really is. A lot of us didn't efur really realize the differences at all. When Equius would go on about the hemospectrum I just thought he was being bossy and silly, and the only other purrson I know who made a big fuss about it was Eridan and well...no one pays too much attention to things he fusses about beclaws he fusses about everything. Maybe things became that way because there weren't any adults around to learn it from.

But what kind of mandatory things??

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