036 ♋ [TEXT] finally off hiatus

[bethehugejerk]

WHO THE KNIFE-SHITTING FUCK DYED MY HAIR????????
SPEAK UP YOU COWARD BECAUSE WHEN I FIND YOU I AM GOING TO TEAR OFF EVERY SINGLE STRAND FROM YOUR HEAD WITH MY BARE HANDS FOR THE ATROCITY YOU HAVE COMMITTED
AND BY THE TIME I'M DONE YOU WILL REGRET HAVING EVER HAD THE AUDACITY TO COMPLY WITH WHATEVER MECHANICS OF REPRODUCTION WERE RESPONSIBLE FOR BRINGING YOUR OFFENSIVE EXISTENCE INTO THIS REALITY
AND I WILL BEAT THE SKULL EVERY SINGLE PERSON WHO SO MUCH AS LOOKS SUSPICIOUS UNTIL I FIND THE GLOBELESS SCOUNDREL WHO DID THIS!!!
P.S. FUCK YOU!
DON'T THINK I ONLY NOTICED YOU DID THIS TO ME TOO, NOOKSCUM, I SAW WHAT YOU DID TO ERIDAN
AND AS SOON AS HE WAKES UP FROM HIS COMA I WILL DIRECT HIM STRAIGHT TO YOUR HIVE FOR YOUR WELL-DESERVED ANNIHILATION.
HOW LONG HAS HE EVEN BEEN ASLEEP?
SPEAKING OF WHICH
HOW IN ANY REPULSIVE HELL DID I FALL ASLEEP FOR THREE AND A HALF WEEKS????
LIKE SERIOUSLY
I WOKE UP, AND IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE THE SEVENTH, AND I WASN'T SUPPOSED TO BE ASLEEP IN THE FIRST PLACE!
I HAD SHIT TO DO
IMPORTANT THINGS
THINGS THAT WERE NOT MEANT TO WAIT UNTIL NOW, WHICH AS I FOUND OUT WHEN I CHECKED MY SFC IS MAY FUCKING FIRST.
ALSO MAY IS A STUPID NAME FOR A MONTH, HUMAN CALENDARS ARE RETARDED.
NO ONE ASKED IF THEY MAY PUT ME TO SLEEP UNTIL THE START OF IT!
WHICH IS BULLSHIT OF THE HIGHEST DEGREE
SHIT SO FOUL THAT ALIENS ON OTHER PLANETS ARE WRINKLING UP THEIR SNIFF NODE EQUIVALENTS AND WONDERING JUST WHAT PRODUCED THAT FOUL GALACTIC REEK.
JEGUS CHRIST THIS IS GOING TO BE A MIGRAINE WAITING TO HAPPEN AND I ALREADY HAVE A HEADACHE JUST FROM THIS.
EVERYONE, REPORT IN, RIGHT NOW, NO EXCEPTIONS.
I NEED TO KNOW ALL WHAT I MISSED AND HOW MUCH SHIT THE TEAM HAS LANDED ITSELF IN WITHOUT SOMEONE COMPETENT TO KEEP THEM FROM KNOCKING THEIR CRANIAL PLATES INTO THE NEAREST WALL.
I WILL NOT EVEN BE SURPRISED IF IT TAKES A WHOLE MONTH ENTIRELY, IF NOT MORE, TO DISENTANGLE THE MESS THAT INEVITABLY COLLECTED IN MY ABSENCE.
UGH.
I'M NOT GOING TO SLEEP FOR A YEAR AFTER THIS.

Comments

[bethehugejerk]

[Nepeta's mostly been the one to handle tea-making whenever she and Karkat have some. Whether Eridan bothers, well, that's not relevant right now. Signless has his thermos, and that's faster than worrying about heating something.]

Do you always carry that around with you or were you planning on this from the start?

[Not a complaint, between nibbles of the pastry. He will be certain to ask Psii about this later. Maybe even ask him to teach him.]

[withoutasign]

I was hoping we could do something like this, so I came prepared.

[Signless settles down at the table, across from Karkat, and hands him a cup of hot chocolate.]

But I usually have something like this in my sylladex, yes.

[bethehugejerk]

Your incessant cheer is more tolerable when you accompany it with thoughtful stuff like this.

[In other words, thank you. He takes his cup, blows at it a bit in case it's hot, then takes a sip.]

Was the sitting and sharing sweets the only part, or did you want to talk about something too?

[withoutasign]

Give it time, you'll get used to it.

[Incessant cheer is awesome.]

Not really. I just wanted to see you, that's all. We don't have to talk about anything if you don't want to.

[bethehugejerk]

Will not. Incessant cheer is a scourge worming its way under my skin like a brand of the sun's flame itself. Screw you for it; smiles are unnatural on faces like mine.

[Doesn't stop him from taking obvious enjoyment in the snack, though.]

I guess I can put up with chatting. You glad to have the Disciple back?

[withoutasign]

Oh, yes!

[Signless' face lights up like a Twelveth Perigree's Eve tree.]

She's different, just like Psii, but she's coming back a little bit more every day, and it's just wonderful having us all together again. I didn't even realize how much I missed her until she showed up.

[bethehugejerk]

[Trolls don't celebrate Twelfth Perigee's Eve with trees, actually, but that is a nicer option that behemoth leavings, and Christmas has kind of supplanted the usual holiday here.]

[That aside, Karkat is glad enough to see his ancestor's expression. He might complain, but sometimes the happy look works for him.]

I don't know all what's going on with her yet, just that Nepeta said she's from later on the timeline this time around. But if she's here and she means that much to you, that's good for you both.

[withoutasign]

[The human holiday is much more to Signless' liking, anyway.]

She wants to meet you. She's heard about you, from Nepeta and myself and almost everyone else.

[bethehugejerk]

As I have already heard and am planning to do. Even if five more people tell me it won't happen any faster until the chance actually shows itself.

[He pauses for a drink of hot chocolate.]

Even if you weren't all telling me I'd likely do it anyway.

[withoutasign]

So you could tell her all about the bubble and how things work?

[Signless snags a piece of baklava for himself.]

I'm sure she'd appreciate that. The new people to Vatheon have been lost the last few weeks, without you to dump on them.

[Is Signless teasing? Maybe a little, with his word choice of "dumps," but he was genuine about new people having problems without Karkat there to direct them.]

[bethehugejerk]

Not just for that reason, and did you have to use that wording?

[He eyes him a moment.]

The information is par for the course, but I'd want to talk to her even beyond that on the basis that she's a troll, and she's important to you.

[He finishes off his piece of baklava then, taking a moment after to lick up the crumbs and traces of honey from his fingertips.]

[withoutasign]

That's very kind and considerate of you, Karkat. Thank you.

[Daddy sees through you, you know. Signless knows that under the onery exterior, Karkat really is his descendent, no question.]

Is Eridan still sleeping?

[bethehugejerk]

Can't I just be simultaneously interested in meeting her and relaying the same information I give everyone?

[But with the question, he looks off out of the kitchen.]

He is, yeah. He did after my coma started, apparently, and I can't say how long it will last.

[withoutasign]

[Awwww, baby... Signless reaches across the table to try and touch the back of Karkat's hand.]

I hope he wakes up soon, then.

[Pause]

If you don't want to wait to fix your hair, Summoner could probably help you dye it back.

[bethehugejerk]

[And Karkat withdraws his hand, trying, despite the obvious intent, to disguise it as going for another drink of his hot chocolate.]

I've dealt with it before.

[Then he bristles.]

I'm not asking him for help, either. He's tolerable on the network but like hell I'm going to deal with that jackass teasing me about how "cute" it is or whatever hoofbeast shit he wants to spew. I asked Kanaya if she could help, if she knows how it works, and if not her and not Eridan, I'll figure something else out.

[withoutasign]

[All right, all right, Signless won't push it. He smiles a little at Karkat's bristling, though.]

He's not bad, once you get to know him. But yes, I have no doubt he'd want to tease you about being cute. He does that to me all the time too.

[bethehugejerk]

I'm content to deal with him when the situation requires, and not much more often than that, thanks. You do what you want, but frankly I have better shit to do than expose myself for his sorry sense of humor at my expense.

[withoutasign]

He only does that because he likes you, you know.

[bethehugejerk]

And what part of my attitude implies that I will absolve him of all ass-like behavior just because he likes me?

[withoutasign]

Because eventually you'll start to like him back, and then you two will be friends, and you'll be jerks to each other and bond that way.

[Look out, Karkat, he's on to you!]

[bethehugejerk]

Don't act like you can predict me.

[He puffs up, so to speak, irritation prickling through him visibly like a cat - if less furry.]

It doesn't work that easy, and just because similar but not the same events have occurred in the past is not an automatic, watertight guarantee that it will occur the same way this time. For all you know I will continue my well-merited aggravation at him until the end of the many universes. Maybe I'll become completely indifferent! Maybe he'll screw up some crucial action and I'll hate him entirely. You don't know!

[withoutasign]

Nope. You two are going to end up friends eventually.

[bethehugejerk]

Eat a bulge, dad.

[Excuse him while he huffily drains the rest of his hot chocolate.]

[withoutasign]

[Too pleased at being called dad to mind the insult, Signless pushes the plate of baklava over to Karkat.]

[bethehugejerk]

Don't think you can bribe me into changing my mind with sweets, either.

[Even if it was really good.]