036 ♋ [TEXT] finally off hiatus

[bethehugejerk]

WHO THE KNIFE-SHITTING FUCK DYED MY HAIR????????
SPEAK UP YOU COWARD BECAUSE WHEN I FIND YOU I AM GOING TO TEAR OFF EVERY SINGLE STRAND FROM YOUR HEAD WITH MY BARE HANDS FOR THE ATROCITY YOU HAVE COMMITTED
AND BY THE TIME I'M DONE YOU WILL REGRET HAVING EVER HAD THE AUDACITY TO COMPLY WITH WHATEVER MECHANICS OF REPRODUCTION WERE RESPONSIBLE FOR BRINGING YOUR OFFENSIVE EXISTENCE INTO THIS REALITY
AND I WILL BEAT THE SKULL EVERY SINGLE PERSON WHO SO MUCH AS LOOKS SUSPICIOUS UNTIL I FIND THE GLOBELESS SCOUNDREL WHO DID THIS!!!
P.S. FUCK YOU!
DON'T THINK I ONLY NOTICED YOU DID THIS TO ME TOO, NOOKSCUM, I SAW WHAT YOU DID TO ERIDAN
AND AS SOON AS HE WAKES UP FROM HIS COMA I WILL DIRECT HIM STRAIGHT TO YOUR HIVE FOR YOUR WELL-DESERVED ANNIHILATION.
HOW LONG HAS HE EVEN BEEN ASLEEP?
SPEAKING OF WHICH
HOW IN ANY REPULSIVE HELL DID I FALL ASLEEP FOR THREE AND A HALF WEEKS????
LIKE SERIOUSLY
I WOKE UP, AND IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE THE SEVENTH, AND I WASN'T SUPPOSED TO BE ASLEEP IN THE FIRST PLACE!
I HAD SHIT TO DO
IMPORTANT THINGS
THINGS THAT WERE NOT MEANT TO WAIT UNTIL NOW, WHICH AS I FOUND OUT WHEN I CHECKED MY SFC IS MAY FUCKING FIRST.
ALSO MAY IS A STUPID NAME FOR A MONTH, HUMAN CALENDARS ARE RETARDED.
NO ONE ASKED IF THEY MAY PUT ME TO SLEEP UNTIL THE START OF IT!
WHICH IS BULLSHIT OF THE HIGHEST DEGREE
SHIT SO FOUL THAT ALIENS ON OTHER PLANETS ARE WRINKLING UP THEIR SNIFF NODE EQUIVALENTS AND WONDERING JUST WHAT PRODUCED THAT FOUL GALACTIC REEK.
JEGUS CHRIST THIS IS GOING TO BE A MIGRAINE WAITING TO HAPPEN AND I ALREADY HAVE A HEADACHE JUST FROM THIS.
EVERYONE, REPORT IN, RIGHT NOW, NO EXCEPTIONS.
I NEED TO KNOW ALL WHAT I MISSED AND HOW MUCH SHIT THE TEAM HAS LANDED ITSELF IN WITHOUT SOMEONE COMPETENT TO KEEP THEM FROM KNOCKING THEIR CRANIAL PLATES INTO THE NEAREST WALL.
I WILL NOT EVEN BE SURPRISED IF IT TAKES A WHOLE MONTH ENTIRELY, IF NOT MORE, TO DISENTANGLE THE MESS THAT INEVITABLY COLLECTED IN MY ABSENCE.
UGH.
I'M NOT GOING TO SLEEP FOR A YEAR AFTER THIS.

Comments

[bethehugejerk]

["Just" one? Even one is an untold victory, when under normal circumstances Karkat couldn't even dream of cracking one. His mouth twists with the satisfaction of it; he feels pleased, glad, grateful all over again to Lily for thinking to make the potions for him in the first place.]

[Then Equius spits blood on him.]

Augh, you revolting sack of pure and concentrated filth!

[He aims a thump of his fist down on the joint of arm and shoulder.]

If I could sum the whole of your entire degraded existence into one singular concept encapsulating your purpose and primary form on the plan of reality, it would be putridness, and you take to it as a quackbeast to its pond. You are that bumbling waterfowl, swimming blithely through the algae, scum, and filth, coating yourself in it and inflicting the whole revolting experience on all you come across.

I am going to spit blood in your hair if you make my mouth bleed.

[stayb100ponyboy]

[Equius winces as Karkat's fist crashes down on his shoulder, pinning him to the ground. Darkleer pins him sometimes when they're training, but his ancestor goes out of his way to not hurt him, while Karkat is deliberately trying to.]

[He smirks, though, at that comment about his hair.]

Then my hair would match yours, wouldn't it?

[In an explosion of motion, Equius curls his legs underneath himself and bucks upward, trying to toss Karkat off his lap and send him flying into the fence.]

[bethehugejerk]

[He is not actually sure how that maneuver works, but it does, and can probably best be put to Equius being STRONG. However, with Karkat being similarly gifted at the moment, he merely smacks into the fence instead of breaking his spine (and other surrounding bones).]

Ow, eesh.

[Still hurts, though. But he's quick to get up, not standing, but getting into a crouch - only to launch a tackle at Equius next. The hair argument is a bit forgotten; he wants to fight now.]

[stayb100ponyboy]

[Things Equius isn't used to: Karkat being able to fight back so well. He's gotten a lot better at wrestling and grappling since his ancestor showed up here, but he's not used to the quick, dynamic style of Karkat's fighting.]

[Long story short, he skids across the ground when Karkat tackles him. He doesn't lose his footing, not entirely, but he's definitely off-balance, teetering on the edge of control. That doesn't stop him from aiming a fist at Karkat's gut.]

[bethehugejerk]

[Though it's been a fair amount of time since he last trained with the Handmaid, he has not lost the benefit of her lessons, either. Even if those tend to be with sickle in hand, there is something to be said for learning how to keep going in spite of getting knocked around repeatedly.]

[Still, he curls in on himself with the fist to his gut, but doesn't fall to his knees. Instead, sucking in a breath to start on making up for what was knocked from him, he goes for what's in range: a solid headbutt at his chest. If short horns have a benefit, it's in preventing terrible puncture wounds in a situation like this.]

[stayb100ponyboy]

[Equius wasn't expected that; there's a lot he's not expecting here. Darkleer is always very gentlemanly and rule-abiding when they spar; having something be so opportunistic and evenly matched is a new experience for him.]

[The headbutt makes him lose his precarious balance and he topples backwards onto his ass, but he'll be damned if he's not trying to grab Karkat and pull him with him.]

[bethehugejerk]

[While Karkat is plenty strong now, obviously, that only means so much when Equius is taller, heavier, and momentum is working against them both. He thumps down heavily atop him with an oof.]

[But a fight stops being one if you don't act, and he has no intent for that. He sits up if he can, pushing at the ground or Equius's torso. But even should he not be allowed that much, he aims a thump of his fist at his ribs.]

[stayb100ponyboy]

[Karkat manages to shove Equius further into the dirt when he sits up, but Equius isn't going to take the abuse lying down. Well, technically he's lying down, but figuratively, he's kicking ass and taking names! He aims a fist for Karkat's chin, even as he winces when one of Karkat's fists connect with his ribs.]

[bethehugejerk]

[Oh fuck that's not going to be good. Then the fist actually hits, and damn that hurts, filling up his vision with metaphorical stars as he tips back and ultimately falls in an awkward pile against Equius's legs. His lip is bleeding from where his fangs have cut it. His jaws aches too much for him to ponder whether the impact has set any tooth looser than it should be.]

Mother of fuck.

[Just give him a sec.]

[stayb100ponyboy]

[Kismesis or no, it's nigh impossible for Equius to not freak out when he thinks he's hurt someone. He props himself up on his elbows and looks at Karkat worriedly.]

Are you okay?

[bethehugejerk]

[Is he... okay? That sounds just plain wrong coming from his kismesis's lips, and serves well enough to prompt him to sit up. In his lap pretty much, one arm propping him while the other reaches up to clutch almost delicately (wouldn't want to rip it out) at a lock of hair.]

[And if allowed that much, Karkat subsequently spits a gob of blood and a chipped bit of tooth at the lock, just as promised.]

My jaw hasn't been dislocated so bad as to force my teeth through my palate into vital sections of my think pan, if that's what you mean. It's not dislocated at all. Now stop worrying or I will be forced into violent, unstoppable fits of projectile vomiting, all directed at you.

[stayb100ponyboy]

[Good, good. Equius is reassured, especially when Karkat hocks a loogie right into his hair.]

Look, now my hair matches yours.

[And with that witticism, he's going to try to roll over and throw Karkat off him so he can pin him to the ground.]

[bethehugejerk]

I told you I would--gah!

[Flinging an arm around his shoulders, Karkat does his best to hang on, but that does little to stop the rolling nor to put him in a position anywhere but under Equius.]

Get off me, you mobilized sack of rotting offal!

[stayb100ponyboy]

[Nope.]

You talk too much.

[Equius says that every time they see each other, but it never stops being true. And he pulls his usual move following that as well, which is to immediately go for a fang-gnashing hatekiss.]

[bethehugejerk]

[Out of any way to be shut up by his kismesis, this one is pretty much his favorite, despite the obligatory indignation of being told that. It just inspires him to rant more later, though.]

[For now, he takes the kiss, snarling muffled up against his mouth. Fangs answer fangs, snapping and wanting to make up for the cut lip he got from the earlier punch. He keeps his arm around his shoulders all the while. But his free hand needs some retaliation, and that one goes to Equius's arm, gripping tight with all the intent of wanting to leave an imprint in bruise marks of where his fingers lie against his skin.]

[stayb100ponyboy]

[See, look how much he hates you, baby; he gives you reasons to rant, loudly and enthusiastically, later! He does it because he cares.]

[Equius snarls right back, loudly when one of Karkat's fangs punches into his lower lip. Every time they meet like this, he ends up with a bloody, swollen lip, and he wouldn't have it any other way.]

[This time, though, it feels like he's going to have more than just a bloody lip, and he hisses when Karkat's hand closes on his arm, squeezing far tighter than anyone should be able to squeeze... anyone who isn't himself or Darkleer, that is. He knows Karkat's long sleeves will hide any bruises he leaves, but that isn't going to stop him from trying. One big, callused hand finds Karkat's shoulder, and he bears down, squeezing tight and brutal.]

[bethehugejerk]

[If Equius's lips are bloody tatters by the end of this, he will consider it a personal achievement. The taste of cool blue blood hardly serves to discourage him, in something like this. His hand squeezes on its hold; his teeth nip again.]

[But he's not the only one with that idea, apparently, as Equius's hand finds his shoulder. He anticipates the pain, and so braces himself, but it does little to actually save him from the sensation. The tightening of fingers makes him squirm; a sound leaves his throat. It isn't a real attempt to get away, however, with as few opportunities as they get to deal actual harm to each other in the first place. He wants the mark there, even if clothes will cover it easy - which, really, is easier for him to deal with. It's something for him to appreciate, not for public display.]

[But Equius is another matter. Now he withdraws his arm, and with it drags his nails sharp and intent across the exposed skin above the collar of the tank top. If he can leave scratches, there's another claim, another way to inflict some stinging soreness on his kismesis.]

[stayb100ponyboy]

[Oh, so that's how it's going to be, is it?]

[Equius breaks off the kiss, glowering down at Karkat for a moment, his collarbone clawed and dripping blood, then goes to bite his shoulder. He knows his own kismesis mark has mostly healed over, the skin slightly discolored but certainly not red, so he assumes Karkat's has done the same. No time like the present to reinforce the wound and make it more apparent!]

[bethehugejerk]

[Karkat scowls up at Equius as the kiss breaks off, both for the discontinuation of that act, and to match the look he's receiving. But then his head ducks down to the familiar shoulder. It's not like there's room to just bite the skin; since his death, his tastes have turned towards turtlenecks to hide the scar across his throat. As such, he slaps at his kismesis's shoulder, trying to get him to pull up.]

That's my shirt, dickwad! Are you going to ruin one every time I'm here with you? Because unlike you, I am the sort of troll who likes not destroying my clothing with flagrant roughhousing, and would in fact like to continue having it in my wearable possession until such a time as it either no longer fits me or becomes unsuitable through advanced age.

[stayb100ponyboy]

[Equius growls and pulls away, irritation writ all over his face. He even ducks his head a little, glaring at Karkat over the top of his glasses, so that the point really comes across.]

Oh, forgive me. I didn't realize you were such a fashion obsessed delicate snowflake that I needed to mind your tender sensibilities and make sure I didn't rip your haute coutoire.

[He aims a punch at Karkat's shoulder.]

Take it off, then.

[Odds are, being new to the whole STRONG thing, Karkat will probably shred it just fine on his own.]

[bethehugejerk]

Haute couture my ass, Equius. I'm not Kanaya; I'm not even Eridan. The day you see me prancing around in a cape is the day you can call me fashion obsessed, at which point I will shove it down your throat until you choke on it, which would be the only point to me ever wearing o--ow.

[There will be another bruise, with that punch. He puts a hand over his shoulder.]

[But.]

[Wait.]

Off? Like... off?

[Off doesn't have so many meanings in this scenario, but excuse him while he eyes him uncertainly.]

[stayb100ponyboy]

Your ancestor wears a cape, idiot.

[Darkleer wouldn't be caught dead in such horrible attire.]

[Karkat's timidity earns him another eyeroll.]

Yes, you loudmouthed fool, off. Removed. You don't want your shirt damaged, so take it off and get it out of the way.

[Here, he'll demonstrate. Equius rocks back on his knees and strips his own shirt over his head, secretly pleased that he managed to do it without ripping any seams. Normally, he'd be far less enthusiastic about stripping down in public, but it's just his own backyard; no one comes back here but Gamzee and Darkleer, and they've both seen him shirtless before.]

(1/3)

[bethehugejerk]

It's a cloak, and that's different because he's not some nearly seven-sweep-old wriggler who wants to make himself look important.

[He may be flushed for Eridan plenty, but a dumb cape is a dumb cape, and he's never been one to hold back on such things.]

(2/3)

[bethehugejerk]

[The need to argue about fashion and whether or not he gives a shit about it dies a quick, painless death when Equius goes to offer the practical demonstration. Karkat knows full well what removing a shirt means, thank you very much, and how to do it - at least under normal circumstances - but this is a bit different. This is kismesis, sitting before him, pulling his tank top off.]

[He stares a good moment, swallows, then forces himself back to the present.]

(3/3)

[bethehugejerk]

Fine. Move your perspiring ass so I can actually have the room to do this, will you?

[If Equius complies, Karkat then shuffles onto his own knees. His hands settle against his hips. Now, how to do this? It's not a complicated task on its own, be he knows full well that STRENGTH is an issue. So, gentle as he can, he hooks the edge of his hand under the hem of his shirt. From there, he pushes slowly, carefully up, thereby lifting the fabric over his torso. He's not as toned - in fact there is a bit of stomach pudge, given his sweet tooth - but from the chest up it's a bit better. The arms are what he uses more, and what training he had with the Handmaid before didn't hurt. At least not that way.]

[But once he gets to the top of his chest (scars bared below, one slash across it, three total smaller ones on his sides), he looks to Equius.]

Push this up the rest of the way. You're the constant freak here who has that strength all the time; if you've actually learned one single thing about controlling it, you should be able to get it off the rest of the way without tearing it.