caughtinanetwork | 039 ♋ [TEXT]

Entry tags:

039 ♋ [TEXT]

IT IS MIDMORNING AND HERE I AM DEALING WITH SUCH AN APPALLING LACK OF COMPETENCE THAT IT IS A BROADSIDE FLAT OUT FUCKING MIRACLE THAT I EVER SUMMON THE PATIENCE TO DEAL WITH ANY ONE OF YOU DUNDERING SHITHEADS.
I JUST WANTED TO DO ONE THING
ONE LITTLE THING!
ONE TINY INSIGNIFICANT THING AMONG THE MANY I WILL DO IN THE COURSE OF NIGHT AND DAY CONSTITUTING "FRIDAY"
AND YET HERE, BECAUSE OF SOME DOUCHEBAG ALONG THE LINE OF HOW POINT A GOT TO POINT B, I CAN'T DO THAT.
IS IT SO MUCH TO ASK TO HAVE A DAY GO RIGHT WITH NO ISSUES.
IS IT SUCH A GODDAMN CRIME THAT I WOULD LIKE TO EVEN HAVE A SMOOTH MORNING TO START OFF THE DAY PORTION OF THIS PARTICULAR SECTION OF THE HUMAN WEEK.
ARE ASSHOLE POLICE WAITING OUTSIDE MY DOOR AND ARREST ME FOR CRIMES OF WANTING A LITTLE DECENCY IN THE QUALITY OF EVERYDAY LIFE I EXPERIENCE??
BECAUSE I SWEAR TO PAST ME
(FYI I WAS A GOD EARLIER THIS MONTH, SUCK IT IF YOU'VE GOT A PROBLEM)
THAT I WILL SHOVE MY SHOES SO FAR UP THEIR HEINOUS WHISTLING WASTE CHUTES IF THEY DARE TO GIVE ME AN OUNCE OF SHIT OVER WANTING A LITTLE NORMALCY TODAY THAT THEY WILL TASTE THE DIRT ON MY SOLES.
SAY, ONCELER OR HOWEVER THAT NAME IS SPELLED.
(WHAT SORRY EXCUSE FOR HUMAN PARENTS CLOBBERED THEMSELVES OVER THE HEAD WITH BRICKS LONG ENOUGH TO EVEN THINK THAT WAS CLOSE TO APPROACHING ACCEPTABLE NAME MATERIAL?)
(IT'S ONCE WITH A LER ADDED ON, THAT DOESN'T EVEN MAKE SENSE.)
DID YOU EVER FIND OUT HOW THE SUPPLY LINE WORKS FOR THIS PLACE
WHO MAKES WHAT AND HOW IT GETS HERE?
BECAUSE I SWEAR WHETHER PAINSTAKINGLY HANDCRAFTED, MACHINE MANUFACTURED, OR MAGICALLY ENGINEERED
(ERIDAN I DON'T EVEN CARE ABOUT YOUR SCIENCE OBSESSION THIS MORNING SO SHOVE IT DOWN YOUR CHUTE.)
I WILL HUNT DOWN THE PANDEAD JACKASS RESPONSIBLE FOR WHATEVER LINE OF CONSTRUCTION WENT INTO MAKING THIS ANGEL-CURSED FUCKING TOASTER AND DELIVER A STEAMING TIRADE OF HOT SCREW YOU DOWN HIS/HER/I DON'T CARE'S AURICULAR CANALS.
HOW HARD CAN IT BE TO JUST MAKE A TOASTER RIGHT????????
JEGUS CHRIST.
AND THE MOST DAMNING ASPECT OF IT ALL
THE THING THAT HAS CRAWLED UP MY NOOK, STUCK, AND DIED THERE TO BE A FESTERING PAIN UNTO THE EONS
IS THAT OF THE SINGULAR (JUST ONE!) SLICE I TRIED TO MAKE, ONLY ONE LITTLE CORNER GOT BURNED.
HOW DO YOU EVEN MESS UP THAT PRECISELY.
I AM SITTING HERE BOGGLING IN INFINITE BEFUDDLEMENT OVER HOW THIS GREAT STONKING TOOL MANAGED THAT DOOZY OF A COCK-UP.
IF IT HAD BEEN ANY WORSE I COULD HAVE THROWN THE TOASTER OUT COMPLETELY AS A HUNK OF USELESS, APPLIANCE-SHAPED SCRAP, BUT UP UNTIL TODAY THIS THING HAS WORKED WITH RELATIVELY LITTLE ISSUE.
SO WHY, FUCKING WHY, IS TODAY OF ALL DAYS THE ONE I HAVE TO DEAL WITH THIS UNMITIGATED BULLSHIT?
I SHOULD GO HUNT DOWN THE SALES DOUCHE RESPONSIBLE FOR HAWKING THIS PIECE OF CRAP TO ME IN THE FIRST PLACE AND GRADUALLY VERBALLY CHOKE THE BASTARD ON THE SEVERAL PIECES OF MY MIND THIS INCIDENT HAS EARNED.
AND IF ANY ONE OF YOU EGREGIOUS BULGELICKS HAS SOMETHING STUPID TO SAY ABOUT THIS INCIDENT AS I KNOW YOU WILL, BE WARNED THAT IT WILL NOT BE WITHOUT EARNING THE SAME FATE.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

WIGGLER WHINING??
YOU'RE THE ONE WHO CAN'T KEEP HER GLOWING MANICURED NAILS OFF THE KEYS LONG ENOUGH TO REALIZE EVERY CONTRIBUTION FROM HER PRONGS IS NOTHING BUT A WASTE OF TIME FOR ALL INVOLVED
SO DON'T BITCH TO ME ABOUT GETTING SICK OF CONSTANT WHINING.
AND DON'T EVEN PRETEND LIKE YOU'VE GOT THE NORMAL WORLDVIEW HERE, MISS UNDEAD BLOODSUCKING DAYWALKER.
YOU GOT YOUR TRASHY NOVEL DREAM COME TRUE, SO CUT ME SOME SLACK IF THIS PARTICULAR MORNING I DIDN'T WANT TO DEAL WITH BURNT BREAD.

Trashy
You Did Not Just
Look I Will Admit That My Taste In Fiction May Not Have been Impeccable But You Have No Grounds To Be Declaring The Colors Of Any Particular Water Heating Vessels
If Youre So Sore About My Trashy Novel Dreams Coming True Then Maybe I Could Talk Zahhak And Ampora Into Dropping Their Respectful Matesprit And Kismesis So They Can Fulfill Your Dreams Of Some Overly Complicated Synchronized Quadrant Oscillation
Hopefully Youll Never Have The Need To Drag Out That Particularly Horrid Book To Describe A Solution To Anyones Real Love Life Situation
I Would Feel Terrible For Anyone Else Who Has To Experience Your Brand Of Relationship Advice

OH, I DID.
I WENT THERE.
I WENT STRAIGHT THERE WITH NO STOPS OR DETOURS.
WHAT ARE YOU EVEN TALKING ABOUT ANYWAY?
WHY WOULD I WANT TO ENTER INTO SOME KIND OF QUADRANT VACILLATION WHEN I DON'T EVEN LIKE EQUIUS
AND IF I WAS EVER GOING TO HATE ERIDAN THAT WAY I THINK I WOULD HAVE NOTICED BY NOW.
SURE HE'S A LOUDMOUTHED HIPSTER TOOL WHO DRESSES LIKE HE FELL BACKWARDS INTO A COSTUME TRUNK, AND HE'S BEING A PARTICULAR PAIN IN MY ASS TODAY
BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN I WANT TO PULL THAT KIND OF OVERWROUGHT MESS WITH HIM.
WHERE DID YOU EVEN GET THAT IDEA.
ALSO GO CHOKE ON YOUR LIPSTICK, KANAYA.
YOU KNOW DAMN GOOD AND WELL YOU'VE TAKEN RELATIONSHIP ADVICE FROM ME IN THE PAST
REMEMBER THE ONE MEMO OF MINE YOU RESPONDED TO???
BECAUSE I HAVEN'T FORGOTTEN.
PRACTICALLY EVERYONE ON THE TEAM CAME SOLICITING ME FOR SOME MANNER OF ROMANTIC DISENTANGLEMENT, AND STILL OTHERS HAVE FOUND USE FOR MY VARIETY OF EXPERTISE HERE
SO DON'T EVEN TRY TO PRETEND YOU'VE GOT A FROND TO STAND ON FOR THIS ISSUE.

Edited 2012-08-31 23:53 (UTC)

Lets Just Consider That Some Retroactive Foreshadowing
You Can Work Out The Temporal Mechanics Later
And I Certainly Remember Asking For Advice In A Memo
Though I Dont Recall Anything Of Use Coming Out Of It
Did You Ever Even Figure Out Who I Was Talking About
Not That It Matters
There Wasnt Any Significant Development On That Front Until After We Both Died
So Thanks For That

Wait Shit
Ignore That Last Bit
How Do I Erase A Text

THAT'S BECAUSE WE DIDN'T SORT IT OUT IN THAT MEMO PROPER
YOU ASKED TO TALK ABOUT IT IN PRIVATE LATER, SO IF YOU DIDN'T FOLLOW UP, THAT WAS YOUR OWN DAMN PROBLEM.
AND DO YOU REALLY THINK I'M THAT DUMB THAT I CAN'T FIGURE OUT WHO IT IS FROM CONTEXT AND CIRCUMSTANCE?
ARE YOU EVEN SERIOUS, THOUGH
YOU AND VRISKA
YOU AND FUCKING PSYCHOBITCH
MISS KILLED TAVROS AND KEPT HIS SEVERED LEGS?
THAT'S NOT EVEN NEW INFO BY THE WAY, I'VE KNOWN SINCE SHE PULLED A STUNT EARLY LAST YEAR.
GOOD JOB PICKING BASICALLY THE WORST PROSPECT YOU COULD, A+ ROMANCE SKILLS THERE!

Do You Really Want To Do This Karkat
You Really Want To Fight Over The Killing Streaks Of Our Respective Matesprits
Because It Doesnt Take Much Math To Realize Who Picked The Real Winner
Killing His Former Moirail Turned Red Crush
Destroying The Matriorb And Thus Dooming Our Race Beyond Any Chance Of Recovery
Oh And Lets Not Forget That He Decided To Finish His Human Hat Trick By Killing Your *Former* Best Friend
Notice How I Felt The Necessity To Add Symbolic Emphasis There
Any Why Did He Kill Us
Because We Had The Unmitigated Audacity To Try And Stop Him From Betraying Us All To Jack

[Shit. She is not thinking straight. He missed her first mistake, and here she goes repeating the error, practically spilling her little secret outright. Fuck it. Expose it now, and get it over with. Why is she so worried about what he thinks anyway...]

I Know You Figured Out Who That Conversation Was About
I Was Worried That You Would Have Picked Up On Something Else I Almost Revealed There But Apparently Youre Too Thick To Notice It So Let Me Spell It Out For You
Prospect Is No Longer The Word I Would Use To Describe Her

(OOC note to self: this is before the fight with Eridan.)

DID YOU JUST SKIM OVER THE PART ABOUT VRISKA KEEPING TAVROS'S SEVERED LEGS.
SERIOUSLY, DID THAT EVADE YOUR NOTICE ENTIRELY.
BECAUSE EVEN IF I DID PICK ONE OF THE LESS SHINY APPLES FROM THE PROSPECTIVE BUSHEL, YOU'RE THE ONE WHO WENT STRAIGHT FOR THE ROTTED MUSH AT THE BOTTOM
WHICH DOUBTLESSLY SERVES AS NEST TO SOME HIGH MULTIPLE OF EIGHT WORTH OF SPIDER EGGS
EACH READY TO HATCH FORTH SOME CACKLING, VOWEL DRAWLING HUGE-BITCH-TO-BE.
YOU TALK LIKE SHE NEVER KILLED ANYONE.
AS I RECALL, SHE MADE A FUCKING HABIT OF IT
SHAMELESS AND MERCILESS TO WHATEVER SAD WASTE THAT GOT CAUGHT UP IN HER CAMPAIGNS INSTEAD OF PICKING OFF ANYONE WHO DESERVED IT
LET ALONE LETTING HER FREAK LUSUS GO HUNGRY.
AND YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT TEREZI TOLD ME?
SHE WOULD HAVE DONE THE SAME FUCKING THING!
SHE WOULD HAVE FLOWN OFF TO BE THE "8ADASS" AND FIGHT JACK, AND LED HIM VIA SPARKLY FAIRY STARDUST TRAIL RIGHT BACK TO MURDER US ALL.
AND DON'T EVEN TRY TO PRETEND YOU AREN'T OVERJOYED YOU GOT THE CHANCE TO LIVE YOUR DREAM OF BEING A LUMINOUS WALKING MOSQUITO.
BUT HEY, DON'T LET THAT STOP YOU FROM DEFENDING THE ONE WHO NEVER TRIED TO ATONE FOR HER MISTAKES, BECAUSE IT'S NOT LIKE ERIDAN EVER TRIED TO MAKE UP FOR HIS COLOSSAL FUCKUPS.
OH WAIT! HE DID.
AND I'VE BEEN OBSERVING THE PROCESS FOR WELL OVER HALF A SWEEP.
SO YOU KNOW WHAT
TAKE YOUR SHITTY MATESPRIT AND YOUR SHITTY FRIENDSHIP BOTH, AND STOP TALKING IT AT ME.

Like You Give A Shit About Atonement
All They Need To Do Is Smile At You And Promise It Wont Happen Again And Youll Forgive Whatever Theyve Done
Oh Gamzee Killed Two Of Our Friends And Is Looking To Kill More
Thats Ok
Karkat Papped Him In The Face A Few Times So Everything Is Fine Now
They Promise There Wont Be Any More Killing So We Can Just Forget About Whats His And Her Name
Honestly Im Surprised You Arent More Fond Of Her
She Seems To Be The Only Murdering Psychopath That You Havent Befriended

FUCK YOU AND THE UNDEAD HOOFBEAST YOU RODE IN ON, MARYAM.
IF IT WASN'T FOR ME PACIFYING GAMZEE IN AN ACT OF SERENDIPITOUS MOIRALLEGIANCE WE ALL WOULD HAVE HAD OUR LOBES CAVED IN VIA GIANT TACKY HAMMER.
IS THAT HOW YOU WOULD HAVE WANTED IT TO GO
ALL OF US, DEAD VIA PAINFUL AND PERMANENT SKULL CRUSHING?
YOU KNOW AS WELL AS I DO THAT NONE OF US HAD DREAMSELVES LEFT, AND I SINCERELY DOUBT WE WOULD JUST RISE UP GOOD AS NEW IN LIVELY LIGHT BULB FORM LIKE YOU DID.
AND WHAT ABOUT YOU
DON'T TELL ME YOU THINK YOU COULD SURVIVE MURDEROUS CLOWN BLUDGEONING.
HE'D SMASH YOUR LIPSTICK TO A HEAP OF SCRAP BEFORE YOU COULD LAND A BLOW AGAINST HIM.
AND THAT'S JUST IN THE VEIL.
DO YOU HAVE ONE SINGLE CLUE WHAT HAPPENED HERE?
OR BETTER YET, HOW ABOUT YOU
DO YOU HAVE ANY SHITS TO GIVE AT ALL ABOUT WHAT I'M SAYING?
BECAUSE IT SEEMS TO ME THAT WHEN YOUR BODY GOT THE REBOOT, WHATEVER MYSTICAL FORCES OF REVIVIFICATION FORGOT ABOUT TURNING YOUR BRAIN BACK ON.

No
I Really Dont Give Any Shits At all About Anything You Say In That Creepy Colorless Text Of Yours
Though I Suppose I Wouldnt Care No Matter What The Color
Vriska Was Killed To Stop Her From Facing Jack
Eridan Was Killed For The Same Reason
Sometimes The Fact That I Was Able To Come Back To Kill Him Is The Only Thing That Makes Dealing With This Change At All Worthwhile
You Wouldnt Understand
Being Perfectly Normal And Then Turned Into A Freak
After All You Were Born The Way You Were

[There's a longer pause than normal before he answers, namely because he wound up throwing his SFC in amped-up rage, then stomping around the room snarling obscenities. It wouldn't be a nice reaction ordinarily, but the present curse amps it up all the more.]

SO YOU HIT THE BOTTOM OF THE BARREL AND HAVE THUS GONE FOR THE LOW BLOWS.
HERE I WAS ACTUALLY UNDER THE MISGUIDED NOTION THAT YOU WERE BETTER THAN THAT, BUT THIS HAS DISABUSED ME ENTIRELY OF PAST ME'S BLIND NOTION THAT COULD SHOW SO MUCH AS A SMIDGEN OF TASTE, CLASS, OR THE ABILITY NOT TO BE A COMPLETE NOOKBOIL.
BUT HEY
FOR ALL I'M THE MUTANT, AT LEAST I'VE NEVER BEEN A BLOODSUCKING PARASITE.
I'LL TELL YOU ONE LAST THING, MARYAM
THE NEXT TIME YOU SEE ME YOU BETTER BELIEVE IT'LL BE FIST FIRST.

[Click!]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

039 ♋ [TEXT]

[Text]

[Text]

[Text] if only he knew what happens a year after his canon point

[Text] 1/2

2/2

[TEXT]

[TEXT] She'll feel AWFUL about this in the morning...

[TEXT] sorry for the wait! I got smacked over the head with distractions and bad moods this week

No Problem! I Know How That Is.

[TEXT]

[TEXT]

[TEXT]