1 ♐ Voice ♐ A brief check up

[aim_exorable]

[Wow, Darkleer is actually communicating with the network on a whole for once instead of being a miserable hermit. Must be a special occasion. Does anyone know his wiggling day?]

Now then. Have we all cleansed ourselves of the mess and done whatever strange death rituals foreign species feel the need to do?

[Okay, maybe it is just Darkleer being a coldhearted dick. Eh.]

I believe we should focus on the more important matter here. I have seen discussions scattered throughout the network, but it would be best to have all our thoughts and speculations focused in one place on both the destruction of those so-called faeries and on the recent appearance of that Carol individual.

For those of you who are oblivious and prone to missing the obvious, things are changing in this place. It would be best to be prepared.

[Don't be fooled, he's not doing this to be nice. He's doing what any troll knows to do: looking out for himself and the few he cares about. If that means even faintly working with others, well, he'll learn to deal.]

[Also, that's all the network is getting from him. Click goes the camera!]

[Filtered to Summoner]

[Darkleer hesitates before sending this one out, although his voice is just as stoic and stern as ever.]

Since your children in particular seem to be taking this badly, perhaps it would benefit you to know that those things which followed us were nothing more than mere robots. The technology may have been organic in nature, but it was still nothing truly living. No pain, no loss of life.

That's all.

Comments

[p2iioniicii2t]

[ When he sits, the Helmsman draws his knees up to his chest. He's a lanky, awkward sort of man and it is not the most dignified of positions, but it certainly is an insight into his frame of mind. He obeys his orders meticulously, sipping tea with a slow, deliberate pacing as he attempts to exactingly control his breathing.

He is, unsurprisingly, distinctly uncomfortable with everything going on through his mind. His distress, however, does lessen some small amount after an uncertain number of minutes and he finally indicates a desire to speak. ]

...my apologieth, thir.

[aim_exorable]

For once, this is nothing to apologize for. This is merely a glitch your systems have not been prepared for. That is why we are meeting: to change that.

[Crossing his arms, Darkleer raises a closed hand to his mouth and thinks for a moment to get his words into order.]

The problem here is that you believe that we do not exist outside of the space Vatheon has provided for us. I’ve thought about what you said, and I believe I have a theory for why you are so obsessed with such an idea. Before arriving here, you were the Helmsman of Her Imperious Condescension’s ship and that is what your life revolved around, correct? You were simply a component and nothing more.

[p2iioniicii2t]

I am.

[ The confirmation comes out as more of a pained sound than words. The thought of not being what he had once been still trips over his obedience protocols. He's supposed to be a proper component to the ship, and thinking about the fact that he is doing something else is what he tries very hard not to consider. ]

I am a component in thervithe to the Empreth. My life thtill revolveth around thith.

[aim_exorable]

Sssshhh. Quiet now.

[Gently, he lays a hand on the Helmsman's shoulder.]

I know. Right now, you are simply not attached to where you should be. It is a minor setback. But in the meantime, you are surrounded by many other individuals who are constantly telling you the opposite. It is a conflict of what you are programmed with and what you are being overloaded with, and I suspect that conflict is what is making you so obsessed with this idea of not existing outside of Vatheon.

[p2iioniicii2t]

[ The Helmsman takes a shuddering breath as that large hand settles on his shoulder, but he seems to lean towards the touch almost without thinking. He wants to speak; he wants to explain how much he needs to return to his original purpose. He was failing Her and he couldn't take it.

Was it why he could not consider other possibilities to explain the phenomena of Vatheon?

He isn't particularly sure. He can't speak, looking over and up at the other man beseechingly. ]

[aim_exorable]

[Darkleer, to some degree, understands. Not having a purpose is terrifying. For someone who has literally being wired into his life's purpose- or the purpose given to him by others at any rate- it must be worse than he can imagine.]

[Tremendously gentle, one of his fingers begins to stroke along Psii's shoulder, as if he were a skittish horse of some kind.]

If you had more of a defined purpose during your stay here, would you believe that would help alleviate some of your anxiety, Helmsman?

[p2iioniicii2t]

Yeth, highblood.

[ It's volunteered very reluctantly, like he's afraid that's the wrong answer. He knows there are no real traps when talking to Darkleer. The other man is upfront and honest, bound by a code the Helmsman doesn't entirely understand.

But he can't shake the feeling that he's doing something wrong. ]

[aim_exorable]

Very well.

[Even Darkleer knows this isn't quite right. But he won't say that. It isn't his place, and the last time he attempted this, well... It's better to simply give some sort of support. Those who are truly his friends can work on trying to get his self dependence back. They will have better luck than he at any rate.]

I'll create some mental work for you to do- scenarios, mathematical problems, et cetera.

Try not to consider this abandoning your duties entirely. It is simply an.. unexpected but necessary upgrade that requires you to be put out of commission for a short period of time.

[p2iioniicii2t]

I will do ath you command.

[ The Helmsman closes his eyes, his breathing still very deliberately slow. He still feels faintly nauseous, not quite able to regain his bearings, but he's latching onto what he's been told to think.

That doesn't stop him from asking: ]

What if it ith true? What if we are thimply conthtructth of thith plathe?

[aim_exorable]

Then we will adapt. But for now?

[His finger is still doing the same repetitive, calming movement. Darkleer keeps his voice low, soft.]

It is too wild a speculation to put much stock in until we have more concrete evidence. Besides. The implications of what that would mean would be too much for you, I think.

[p2iioniicii2t]

[ He doesn't move, feeling rather oddly anchored by the feel of that single gentle repetitive motion. He does lean a little bit more, tension slowly bleeding out of his frame. Until just now, it hadn't been that apparent to him how much stress the concept had put on him or the physical consequences.

And he's still worried, still halfway sure that his existence is all a fluke and that he could not fulfill his programming, but...

He lets out a slow breath, almost a sigh. ]

...apologieth.

[aim_exorable]

You can't control the glitches in your programming when they occur. That is why I am your engineer.

[There is a strange feeling of satisfaction when he feels the Helmsman's body relax beneath his hand. It's not smug, or sharp, or even like when he finishes an invention he is particularly proud of. It's just very quiet and simple. Calming, even.]

Are there any other difficulties you are having, Helmsman?

[p2iioniicii2t]

[ If he answers, does that mean the stroking stops? That's an odd thought to have, entirely random. It is not disobedient to delay in responding, not if he uses the time to think through any other difficulties that were worthy of the blue blood's attention as his engineer. ]

[aim_exorable]

[Seeing that is calms the other, Darkleer doesn't stop the movements. He just waits, patiently, certain that the Helmsman is thinking carefully and not purposefully wasting his time. It isn't something that he would do. ]

[p2iioniicii2t]

I... am beginning to believe thythtem errorth are occurring more frequently.

[ Because, ultimately, there are so many things wrong with him, and he's not sure which issues would be of Darkleer's interest. It's a scary thought, that even if he does exist that his systems are constantly degrading. There are too many variables, too many changes, and helmsmen weren't designed for it. ]

[aim_exorable]

How frequently, and which are the ones which bother you most?

[Not that Darkleer is surprised. It's true: biowiring is extremely pervasive. It digs into a troll and locks away everything that makes them a troll on the inside, mentally, emotionally. However... Without biowiring and without the systems of a ship to keep the Helmsman in check, of course things will change. The things Signless and his allies say will just ring further true, and no doubt this is horrifying for someone programmed like the Helmsman is.]

[p2iioniicii2t]

I have unauthorized thoughts, more each day.

[ It's said quickly, an abrupt confession. ]

I... told him- [ There's no question who 'him' would be. ] -that thometimeth I do not want to therve. I do not know why.

[aim_exorable]

[This is going to require a delicate touch, and Darkleer does his best to think on it in the limited time he has. He knows that the Helmsman needs answers, something to stabilize him, as soon as possible. Waiting will only cause more damage.]

How many sweeps have you been in commission, Helmsman?

[p2iioniicii2t]

I do not know... memory degradeth after theveral hundred thweepth.

[ His brows knit in a vague sort of frustration at the unsatisfactory answer, and after a moment he looks up at the much larger man. Darkleer had to have the answers he needed, and there is a small desperate hope within the Helmsman that he'll share them with him. ]

[aim_exorable]

Than that explains it, or at least some part of it.

Like any machine, you can still be overworked. Most Helmsman aren't under commission for as long as you have been. They expire before they have a chance to. But you have been surpassing them, so you're a unique case. You have no doubt needed time to.. shut down from your duties. I doubt you've been given such chances, considering the needs of our Condesce. [A hasty addendum-] Not that anything is her fault, because her needs surpass our own, of course.

That only explains a part of it, however. [Carefully, another finger joins the movements of the first in the gentle stroking.] Does that sound about right?

[p2iioniicii2t]

[ He tightens his grip on the thermos of tea. It feels like his veins are squirming beneath his skin with the pulse and throb of invasive biowiring. He still feels ill, but there is a measure of comfort to be gained by this consideration. ]

Perhapth, but... you did not ekthplain all of it.

[aim_exorable]

To explain the remainder of it would require delving into an area I am not sure you would much care for, Helmsman.

[A deep quiet breath inhaled, then exhaled. This could very well go wrong.]

If you are still interested in pursuing this line of inquiry, then of course I will supply a possible answer.

[p2iioniicii2t]

[ He swallows hard, a terrible sense of anticipation welling up within him. ]

If that ith what you are willing to do.

[aim_exorable]

Very well.

No biowiring, no disobedience programs, no superiors to tell you what not to do besides myself and the Grand Highblood, who is currently... out of commission for the time being... Without all of the restrictions a Helmsman relies on to keep properly functioning as a component of his ship, it's likely you're beginning to find your own independent thought once again.

You're becoming less and less what you were programmed to be.

[p2iioniicii2t]

What... what do I do?

[ He stares at his hands, watching them tremble with an understated violence. He's terrified, but there is some other part of him that knew this was the answer. That the highblood said it, however, makes it undeniably true.

Signless would be so happy.

The Condesce would be infuriated.

Was there any way to fix this?]