caughtinanetwork | cake 1. [text]

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cake 1. [text]

I seem to have gotten myself into quite a pickle.
Not only am I soaking wet, which is nearly ten times as worse when you have a long gown on, I am also freezing.
Can anyone tell me where in good heavens name I have ended up?
Direct me to some warmer clothing?

[Yeah, Jane looks like a drowned rat. This is not how she imagined she would be spending this day.]

(I seem to have gotten myself into quite a pickle.
Not only am I soaking wet, which is nearly ten times as worse when you have a long gown on, I am also freezing.
Can anyone tell me where in good heavens name I have ended up?
Direct me to some warmer clothing?)

ooc: Jane will be arriving a few hours after this post !

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DID YOU SERIOUSLY JUST CALL ME "GOOD SIR"?
WHAT KIND OF WEIRDO CALLS SOMEONE ACTIVELY DELIVERING INSULTS "GOOD SIR"?
ALSO, I DON'T SLEEP, AND EVEN IF I HAD I'D STILL CALL YOU OUT.
YOU THINK YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE WHO'S SHOWN UP LOST AND SOAKING WITHOUT A CLUE WHAT'S GOING ON?
HINT: YOU AREN'T, BY A LONGSHOT, THUS THE AFOREMENTIONED WELCOMING COMMITTEE WHICH COULD ACTUALLY ATTEMPT TO GIVE YOU A CLUE WHAT'S GOING ON.
EVEN WHEN PEOPLE TRY TO MAKE THIS EASY, NEW ARRIVALS CONSISTENTLY SHOW THEMSELVES TO BE USELESS MORONS WHO PROBABLY COULDN'T FIND THEIR OWN ASSES WITH A MAP AND MORAL SUPPORT TO GUIDE THEM.
I'LL ASK THE POLITE WAY WHEN YOU'VE EARNED IT.

I was just trying to be polite. Are you not a sir? Are you in fact a lady? I don't think your insults are all that entertaining, it is kind of like you are picking random insulting words and combining them all into a sentence.

[Except the calling her out thing. That kind of hurt her feelings. Jane's feelings have always been kind of fragile.]

Well then certainly they are the ones at fault and not me. My apologies for mistaking your sleeping schedule or lack thereof for a good one.

NO, I'M NOT A LADY!
I CAN OBJECT TO THE TERM WITHOUT FINDING MYSELF THE NEW OWNER OF A PAIR OF RUMBLESPHERES
OR DOES THAT BASIC IDEA ESCAPE YOU, TOO?
ALSO, SCREW YOU, THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH MY INSULTS.
THEY ARE CAREFULLY CRAFTED FOR PRECISION AND YOU WILL NOT FIND ANYONE BETTER AT TALKING SHIT TO ASSHOLES WHO DESERVE IT.
BUT DO YOU REALLY THINK I'M TRYING TO BLAME YOU FOR SHOWING UP HERE?
READ IT AGAIN.
I'M CALLING YOU STUPID ON HOW YOU'RE HANDLING IT, NOT THE FACT THAT YOU'RE HERE IN THE FIRST PLACE.

Hold on just a moment.
Rumblespheres?

[This is the best reminder that Jane is not familiar with that type of terminology.]

While they are particularly nasty. Don't you think eventually you will have to take a new approach at insulting someone? Something meaner, and something nastier.
I blame Vatheon for the showing up part.
You've known me for less than half an hour, there is absolutely no way you could gauge my intelligence just like that. Assuming something is literally one of the most horrible things you could do to a person.

[They are so going to get along. Aren't they.]

Edited 2012-11-24 18:07 (UTC)

THOSE THINGS ON YOUR CHEST, MORON.
DON'T FLATTER YOURSELF BY THINKING I'VE EVEN SHOWN YOU THE HALF OF MY REPERTOIRE, EITHER.
YOU'RE AN ANNOYANCE, BUT YOU'RE NOT NEARLY UP THERE ENOUGH FOR ME TO BUST OUT THE TRUE INVECTIVES I CAN CALL TO MY USE WHEN I WANT TO.
WE HAVEN'T EVEN GOTTEN TO METAPHORS YET.
ALSO, YOU'RE MISPLACING THE BLAME.
VATHEON IS A FUCKING CITY. IT DIDN'T DO ANYTHING TO YOU.
IT'S THE DICKS IN CHARGE WHO BROUGHT YOU HERE AND DECIDE WHATEVER HORRIBLENESS THAT GOES ON IN RELATION.
AND DON'T EVEN TRY TO UNDERESTIMATE MY SKILLS AT JUDGING INTELLECT
LET ALONE HAVE THE FUCKING AUDACITY TO SAY THAT'S THE ONE OF THE WORST THINGS I COULD DO TO YOU.
WHAT KIND OF PAMPERED FUCKING LIFE DID YOU COME OUT OF, PRINCESS?
YOU WOULDN'T LAST A DAMN DAY IN MY SOCIETY.

Why in heaven's name were my breasts brought into this?
I'm hardly thinking about flattering myself with your wordbank if all you can say is what a dimwit I am. Oh boy, I can't wait to hear the metaphors. I'm sure it is going to be a rousing time. I'll make some cake and tea for the event.
Oh, whatever. The head honchos are the ones who brought me here, and they are what makes the city. So therefore either reference is correct if you look at it. But we shouldn't really spend time on arguing over useless things.

[That part is striking her though. Don't even think about touching on her home life,Karkat.]

Does it matter to you what is going on in my life before here? I don't really believe so.

YOU ASKED WHAT RUMBLESPHERES WERE, WHICH WERE BROUGHT UP IN THE CONTEXT OF ME NOT HAVING THEM, SINCE YOU ASKED IF I WAS A GIRL.
I DON'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT YOUR BREASTS.
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU WANT ME TO SHOW OFF, I'LL FUCKING SHOW OFF.
YOUR NEUROLOGICAL DEFICIENCY IS A LABYRINTH MADE OF A MOBIUS STRIP
EVERY ROUTE AND PATHWAY LEADS BACK IN ON ITSELF IN CYCLICAL, CEASELESS INFINITY
FOLDING BACK UNTIL IT MEETS ITS START AND STARTS ALL OVER AGAIN.
EVERY TURN IS A WRONG DIRECTION THAT LEADS THE SAME WAY STILL: BACK EVER AGAIN TO YOUR OWN UNFORTUNATE FACSIMILE OF A FUNCTIONAL MIND.
BUT THE LABYRINTH IS NOT BARE.
ON EVERY WALL AND PATH AND CEILING IS SCRAWLED THE EVIDENCE OF YOUR OWN APPARENT PAMPERED LIFE.
DEAR LITTLE PRINCESS HAD AN ASSUMPTION MADE ABOUT HER, OH NO!
PRECIOUS DEAR CAN'T HANDLE A LITTLE TROLLING.
GOD FORBID, A STRANGER IS BEING MEAN.
IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD AND THE CENTER IS YOU, ARROGANT AND BLIND TO HOW MANY UNIVERSES AND HOW MANY PEOPLE HAVE BEEN THROUGH HELL BEYOND THE MINISCULE CONFINES OF YOUR STAGNANT IMAGINATION.
I LIVED ON A PLANET WHERE PEOPLE COULD AND DID DIE FOR MORE REASONS THAN YOU COULD COUNT.
I KNOW PEOPLE WHO HAVE DIED HORRIBLE, PAINFUL DEATHS
WHO HAVE BEEN THROUGH TORTURE
WHO HAVE HAD TO PUT UP WITH FREAKY HEAD VOICES TELLING THEM WHAT TO DO.
I'VE BEEN THROUGH THE END OF MY WORLD AND THEN SOME.
YOU, YOU WHINING LITTLE BRAT, ARE A CODDLED CHILD WHO'S LIVED HER LIFE INSIDE A PADDED BOX
AND I DOUBT EVEN ONE PERSON HAS SO MUCH AS SHAKEN IT TO SEE IF YOU RATTLE AROUND INSIDE.
METAPHOR OVER.
THIS PLACE IS FUCKING SOFT COMPARED TO SOME, BUT IF YOU SERIOUSLY CAN'T HANDLE ME THINKING YOU'RE ONE WAY OR ANOTHER WITHOUT ASKING, YOU AREN'T GOING TO MAKE IT
AND THAT'S WHY YOUR LIFE BEFORE HERE MATTERS, NOOKWIPE.

Edited 2012-11-24 19:56 (UTC)

[This is probably after Roxy intercepted. Jane is just looking at this wall of text though. She doesn't even know what to say to it. It's the longest insult she's ever heard in her life.

Sure her friends told her she had a stick up her hiney, or she was a tightass. But whoa. Was all the really necessary?]

You don't live what I did, and I didn't live what you did. So let's not even go there.

[Yep. Karkat's too stubborn to pay it any mind yet, though. And seriously, a troll's gotta troll.]

"BLAH BLAH YOU'RE RIGHT AND I DON'T WANT TO ADMIT IT", IN OTHER WORDS.

[Wow, she really doesn't like Karkat right now.]

I never said you weren't right.

SO THEN YOU'RE BEING A COWARD ABOUT THE SUBJECT DESPITE HOW TRUE IT IS.

I don't just discuss these things with people I've known for less than half an hour. I'm not an open book.

I'M STILL READING COWARD OUT OF IT
ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU'RE THE ONE WHO MADE IT SO BLINDINGLY OBVIOUS IN THE FIRST PLACE.
NOT AN OPEN BOOK, MY ASS.

Read coward all you want. Fine, mystery troll. you're right, I'm wrong. But I'll never claim being an open book.

KARKAT VANTAS.
YOUR DENIAL DOESN'T MAKE IT FALSE, EITHER, "JANEY".

[He doesn't know her actual name yet.]

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overbiterestart - 2012-11-28 04:14 (UTC) - Expand

Kitten, shh. Janey was a little busy with a lapful of me to read any info. I've been filling her in on all her need to know knowlege.

[ Roxy shifts the camera a little to show Jane while also giving her a hug before she brings it back on herself. ]

And right now that info doesn't involve grumpy trolls and how to handoe them.

[Karkat's sticking to text, not quite in the mood to show his face at the moment.]

DON'T TELL A TROLL NOT TO TROLL
ESPECIALLY WHEN SHE BROUGHT IT DOWN ON HERSELF.

Wow no I'll tell you what to do if I wanna tell you what to do. That's my bff-for-life you're insulting and shit ain't cool, Kitten. I don't go around callin' your friends bulge-sniffing imbeciles who don't even have two brain cells to rub together to start a spark in their pans, mostly 'cause I like pretty much all of 'em, and I'd appreciate the same treatment.

[ pause. ]

At least for the first day. Let her get settled in before you treat her to the full Vantas experience, geez.

EXCEPT MY FRIEND ARE BULGE-SNIFFING IMBECILES AND I WOULD BE THE FIRST TO TELL YOU IT.
DON'T EVEN TRY TO ARGUE ME OUT OF THAT WHEN I'M THE ONE WHO HAD TO HERD THEIR INCOMPETENT ASSES AROUND SGRUB TOWARDS SOME MEASURE OF VICTORY.
BESIDES, SHE'S GOING TO HAVE TO LEARN TO DEAL WITH ME SOONER OR LATER IF SHE'S PART OF YOUR TEAM
AND I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOING EASY ON IDIOTS.

Mark my words if you don't back the hell off for like the next twelve hours I will come over there and put flowers in your hair while singing sappy love songs at the top of my lungs.

Don't think I won't.

Edited 2012-11-25 02:08 (UTC)

AS IF I'D LET YOU!

Wanna see if that'll stop me?

DO NOT UNDERESTIMATE A PISSED OFF TROLL WHO CAN CLIMB WALLS.

Don't underestimate a Lalonde.

[ You know Rose, Karkat.

Think about it. ]

[That is... mildly threatening. But on the other hand.]

YOU ARE ROSE'S SILLIER, DRUNKER, PARADOXICAL MOM-DAUGHTER.
IF YOU WERE ROSE HERSELF I MIGHT TAKE IT SERIOUSLY.

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[TEXT] im making noises that are not human at these tags. please continue being wonderful.

[TEXT] thank you very much! :3c also, do you have a plurk, and may I add you if so?

[TEXT] yes i do! its xxsugarcubes <:

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