caughtinanetwork | First Pickup Line; Text

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First Pickup Line; Text

vwell vwell vwell.
i bet none of you knewv i vwas here did you? thats because unlike most of you chumps, i decided to vwatch and learn before i came crying to the netvwork like a total lamer!
and because i figured this vwould givwe me the most dramatic entrance. i alvways did like havwing a little flair.
so nowv that thats out of the vway, i can introduce myself properly to all you cats and kittens.
the names cronus ampora. this place blowvs the dream bubbles out of the vwater by far.
hahahaha im such a car.
do you see vwhat i did there? blowvs it out of the vwater?
i slay myself.
so howv about coming and introducing yourselvwes? im itching to meet all of you avwesome people.

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[

Date. With a relative.

Oinkbeast tails.]

In human society, we don't date our relatives, but since you're a troll I'll just ignore that. He probably can't help not remembering that, though, this place screws with timelines...uh, I don't think you should pursue him on that. He has a matesprit and they're very happy together.

[.............Oinkbeast tails, tho.]

Thank you.

Troll society is vwery complex, I vwouldn't expect you to understand! In ours, it really isn't evwen thought about at all! Vwhy is it something that you don't do? I don't really understand.

And yeah, yeah, him and his matesprit. Vwhatever. He can go blowv that lie up someone else's nook.

[They're very nice looking oinkbeast tails, you should be proud of them. Do you use loreal? Because those oinkbeast tails are worth it.]

You're vwelcome! I think I vwould like to touch them one day, maybe brush them behind your your auricular nubs.

I could give you a whole book on the how and why of incest and why it doesn't work in human society, but I'll sum it up like this: it's gross and unnatural for humans, we just don't.

He's not lying. His matesprit is my best friend, as a matter of fact, so you're going to have to get over th--

[.....................hhh--]

...Excuse me?

I really don't underst-

[He pauses, considering her words.]

Something the matter? I vwas saying howv much I vwould like to brush your oinkbeast tails behind your auricular nubs. I bet it vwould feel really nice!

[Is she furious? Yes, she's furious. Also kind of confused, who the hell is even desperate enough to hit on her?]

Maybe you should get a job as a hairdresser here, because that's the only way I'd let you do that.

Otherwise, I don't think my boyfriend would be very happy with it.

Vwha- Not you too! Is evweryone here taken vwith matesprits?

[This isn't fair!]

I don't vwant to livwe anymore if that's the case. There's no point in it! I should just find something tall to jump off of...

Edited 2013-03-02 10:57 (UTC)

Oh, stop it, you're being ridiculous. Romance isn't all there is to life, so don't waste yours.

...Besides, you'd come back in a few days anyway.

At least I vwould be able to do it at all! I couldn't in the dream bubbles. But any escape from the pain for evwen a little vwhile vwill be vworth it!

What are you expecting me to say? "Oh when you put it that way, I'll dump my boyfriend and date you so you don't kill yourself"? That's stupid beyond all reason, and it's like I said--there's more to life than romance.

Geez, get a hobby or something.

...Vwell. Vwhy not?

[He's totally better than your matesprit anyway.]

And I do havwe a hobby! I vwrite songs! Maybe I vwill vwrite a song about this particular heartbreak.

[...Because she human loves him???]

Heartbreak? No, maybe you should get a hobby in theater, you've already got the qualities of a hero in a tragedy. [Even if it's tragedies he imposes on his own stupid self.]

[Well you can human un-love him!]

You really think I havwe a future in theater? Vwould you lovwe me if I vwere an actor in a movwie?

...I read. I don't watch movies.

And if you keep talking about this love thing I'm going to kick your ass.

Her Maka Chop is legendary at the Academy, I really wouldn't test her.

[Don't mind Kid; just random Grim Reapers barging into his BFF's conversations.]

Oh. So I take it this is your matesprit, huh?

...N...no. He's just a busybody friend. You don't want to actually see my boyfriend here.

Vwhy vwouldn't I? Maybe I do in fact vwant to see vwhat kind of competition I havwe.

Competition...? There is no competition, come on, don't be dramatic.

Oh but I think you're vwrong! This really IS a competition. So come on, vwhere is he?

...[Okay really.

No.

Not playing this stupid high school game.]

Where are you right now? I'm going to end this.

[By beating the shit out of him.]

Being flushed for Maka would imply a desire to reproduce along with sentiments your kind associates with pity.

Considering such a thing is completely irrelevant to my interests, not to mention genetically impossible seeing as we are an entirely different species--

No, that's just silly.

Edited (oops wrong icon) 2013-03-03 14:30 (UTC)

Vwell then vwhat business is this of yours? I think you should leavwe us to our owvn devwices so that I can convwince her that I'm a totally cool cat that deservwes her lovwe!

As much as I would love to, I simply can't ignore a man or troll with such a hideously disfiguring scar. [Kid, no.] What business do you have, with it resting sloppily to one side!

[Kid... Stop...]

The only thing you deserve is to be sent out with the garbage!

[Why... Why would you do that to him? Don't you think he KNOWS how gross and unattractive it really is? God, how insensitive!]

Shut up! I don't knowv vwhat you're talking about, it adds character! Cats and kittens evweryvwhere think it's totally hot! Unlike... you and your... hair, if you can evwen call it that!

[FATALITY.]

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symmetrophile - 2013-03-05 12:10 (UTC) - Expand

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First Pickup Line; Text

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