caughtinanetwork | 1st record

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alright so just kind of chilling here on the beach instead of some underwater city this info guide talks about
and you know thatd be kind of cool if it werent for one major issue
what the fuck just happened
seriously i think i just got whiplash from trying to figure out where that five minutes went so wrong
i mean the first time i got teleported randomly at least it wasnt just me
landed right on my ass confused as hell but i wasnt the only one
its easier to sit there and look like a tool when youre in a group trying to figure out what the hells going on
its lame to lay on a beach alone looking like a tool getting wet sand in places sand doesnt need to be

read over the whole welcome thing so ok cool i get it
stranger shit has happened i guess so why the fuck not
moving on to try and be somewhat productive here
sup names dave
tell me theres someone that knows me here cause itll make this shit a lot easier
or worse
idk i guess well see
like id say something is better than nothing but i can think of a lot of cases where that wouldnt really be true
so for better or worse i guess
isnt there like a saying or something that knowings half the battle
does that apply to this situation?
well it does now because i say so

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YES, IT HAS TO BE THAT, BECAUSE NONE OF THIS MAKES SENSE.
EVEN WITH THE EXPLANATION IT STILL DOESN'T.
WHY DID GAMZEE BREAK UP WITH ME
AND WHY DID TEREZI AND HIM GO CALIGINOUS FOR EACH OTHER???
I KNOW HE KILLED EQUIUS AND NEPETA BUT I DEALT WITH THAT, DIDN'T I
OR AT LEAST
I HAD IT DEALT WITH.
SHIT, WHAT IS EVEN GOING ON WITH THAT METEOR.
OR WENT ON
WILL GO ON?
WHATEVER, I DON'T CARE WHAT THE RIGHT TENSE IS.
AND WHO'S THE MAYOR?

the mayor is the most awesome dude ever

[Because clearly that's the most important question out of all of it. Or at least the only one he's fully comfortable answering.]

dont look at me i still dont understand that weird hatemance thing and i really dont want to
and the thing with gamzee was i think it had something to do with the fact that he said he didnt need you anymore
something lame to do with his religion and finding what he needs in the new session we were heading toward
you pretty much just said fuck it because at least he wasnt killing anyone anymore so it didnt matter all that much
and none of us really know what the hell started going on
like the last year of it was a fucking nightmare and the worst time ever
which apparently horrible shit going down and friends with unhealthy addictions is perfect bro bonding material because we were so fed up with everyone elses bullshit by that point
like you thought that terezis addiction to faygo was a horrible unhealthy life choice
i thought roses alcoholism was a horrible life choice
and neither of us got what the fuck the big deal was with the other when i guess they were both pretty big fucking deals in their own ways

OKAY, THAT ANSWERS NOTHING, BUT I WILL TAKE IT AS ONE LESS THING TO WORRY ABOUT.
THE REST
I JUST GIVE UP.
GAMZEE'S RELIGION IS STUPID AS HELL AND ALWAYS WILL BE, BUT HE HASN'T PULLED ANYTHING LIKE THAT ON ME ABOUT IT.
LIKE
WE'VE BEEN GOING OVER A YEAR NOW AND IT'S PRETTY DAMN STABLE.
EVEN IF HE'S NOT THE DANGER TO EVERYONE HE WAS WHEN HE WENT OFF THE SLIME, WE'RE GOOD FOR EACH OTHER.
I WOULD ASK WHY TEREZI WOULD GET ADDICTED TO FAYGO BUT THAT IS PALTRY NEXT TO THE BIG BLACKROM THING WHICH APPARENTLY YOU CAN'T EVEN CLARIFY FOR ME.
BUT I WILL SAY THAT SUGARY CRAP IS VILE.
I HAD IT ONCE UNDER SPECIAL CIRCUMSTANCES AND DO NOT SEEK TO REPEAT THE EXPERIENCE.
NOW WHAT'S ALCOHOLISM?

sorry dude i legit dont understand that blackrom crap otherwise id explain better
no matter how many trashy romance novels you read to me its never gonna chance
and yeah the thing with you and gamzee lasted for a good long while before he got all delusional about the new session
alcohol is a drink that fucks with peoples minds
it makes you act like a totally different person and you can get addicted to it really easily and it can ruin your life
rose made some booze and then she just didnt stop
like not only is the shit disgusting but it fucks up your health really bad too
alcoholism is the word for when you become an alcoholic and pretty much need the shit to get by day to day
but you only saw it as she was happier and most stupid and had a better sense of humor
pretty sure kanaya was starting to get real sick of her shit though
you just werent around her enough to get why it was so bad

OH!
OH.
THAT.
OKAY, NO, FUTURE ME JUST HASN'T HAD THE CHANCE TO EXPERIENCE WHAT A RAVING DUMBFUCK IT MAKES YOU WHEN YOU DRINK IT.
JEGUS, THOUGH, YOU CAN GET ADDICTED TO THAT STUFF?
ROSE MIGHT BE A PAIN IN THE ASS WITH HER SNARKY HORSESHIT BUT SHE WAS AT LEAST INTELLIGENT IN THE FEW TIMES SHE'S SHOWED UP HERE.
THEN AGAIN
SHE WAS THE GENIUS WHO THOUGHT "LET'S BLOW EVERYTHING UP" WAS THE RIGHT WAY TO SOLVE THE PROBLEM OF YOUR SESSION.
SO HOW SHOULD I KNOW WHAT GOT INTO HER ABOUT IT.
BUT LET'S GO BACK TO TEREZI FOR A MINUTE.
YOU SAID SHE GOT HER VISION BACK SOMEHOW?

yeah he didnt get it because luckily rose didnt share
and shes a pretty complicated girl so who the hell knows whats going on with her most of the time
okay so assuming you know about the whole dancestor thing
id ask if you know who aranea is but that would be a waste of time and another explanation i dont feel like going into
she was basically a god tier sylph of light and offered to heal terezis eyes for her
at first she said no because she liked the way she was
but apparently whenever gamzee taunted her about her blindness it pissed her off and drove her to go back to aranea and take her up on her offer

DANCESTOR?
IS THAT WHAT YOU CALL THE PRE-SCRATCH TROLLS?
I HAVEN'T MET ARANEA BUT I'VE HEARD OF HER.
VRISKA'S... DANCESTOR, RIGHT?
I STILL DON'T GET IT, THOUGH.
WHY WOULD TEREZI LET THAT GET UNDER HER SKIN SO MUCH.
SHE LIKED BEING BLIND, YOU SAID IT YOURSELF, AND SHE NEVER STRUCK ME LIKE THE KIND TO COMPROMISE HER PRINCIPLES JUST BECAUSE SOMEONE WAS TAUNTING HER ABOUT SHIT.

to be honest the term seems kind of lame to me but whatever
its apparently because to you they were your ancestors but to them they were your descendants
and yeah shes the serket of their group
i didnt really get it either and i guess neither did terezi
once again
no idea how the fuck this whole blackrom thing works so i dont know why gamzee got to her the way he did
i know she regretted her decision and hid her eyes from everyone for a really long time because she was ashamed of it
but whats done was done and she couldnt change that

THIS ISN'T EVEN A BLACKROM THING ANYMORE
IT'S A WHAT THE HELL, SOMETHING'S WRONG THING.
WHATEVER'S GOING ON ISN'T HEALTHY IF IT MADE HER THAT UNHAPPY WITH HERSELF THAT SHE'D CHANGE SOMETHING SHE USED TO ENJOY
ON TOP OF THE FAYGO ADDICTION YOU ALREADY MENTIONED.
I GIVE UP.
I'M JUST GLAD I'M HERE AND DON'T HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT MESS
BUT THEY NEED AN AUSPISTICE OR SOMETHING TO JUST BREAK UP WHATEVER'S GOING ON.
NOW WHAT ELSE WAS THERE...

[A pause while he looks back at that message from earlier. Skim past what's been covered, and...]

WHAT DO YOU MEAN JADE LOOKED POSSESSED???

it was when she was describing it
like she went into detail on why but it all had to do with how it was about him and how he said it because when anyone else said it it never bothered her
so the whole reason why she changed her eyes was because of whatever blackrom reasoning she had for it or something
and yeah you said something about auspistice and beat yourself up over that but thats what you do with everything so i didnt really pay much attention to that part

and just what i said
something was seriously fucking wrong with jade
she wasnt herself and looked scary as hell
but i only had like barely a minute to process that fact before she teleported us away so i cant really answer that one too well either

IN OTHER WORDS SHIT HAS HIT THE THRESHER ON ALL FRONTS
AND NOW WE, IN PARADOX SPACE, ARE COVERED IN THE REEKING RESULTS.
I STILL HARDLY UNDERSTAND ANYTHING.
I CAN'T GET MY HEAD AROUND WHAT YOU'RE TELLING ME ABOUT GAMZEE.
I DOUBT I EVER WILL FULLY UNDERSTAND WHAT'S GOING ON UNLESS I GO BACK TO EXPERIENCE THOSE THREE YEARS MYSELF, BUT I AM FRANKLY HOPING I WON'T HAVE TO DO THAT.
I DON'T THINK I COULD POSSIBLY BE MORE GLAD THAT THE WORST I HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT RIGHT NOW IS THE BUBBLE FLOODING.
BUT NOW THAT I'VE GRILLED YOU FOR EVERYTHING I CAN ABOUT THE SITUATION THOUGH I SHOULD PROBABLY GIVE YOU THE CHANCE FOR THE REVERSE.
USUALLY I HAVE A BIG SPIEL ABOUT THIS PLACE I GIVE OUT BUT PART IS DECIDEDLY IRRELEVANT UNTIL VATHEON'S BARRIER GETS FIXED.
SO ASK ME ANYTHING, I'LL ANSWER WHAT I CAN, AND FILL IN ANYTHING ELSE IMPORTANT THAT COMES UP.

Edited 2013-04-30 21:40 (UTC)

anything i had to ask you was pretty much shot dead upon the realization that youre three years behind so not much else to say
pretty sure im ready to just kick back and worry about this bubble shit too
and the fact that my bro whos been dead for the past three years is suddenly alive and his teen self is here too and teen mom and all these fucking striders who arent me and how all these people i dont even know or have barely heard of suddenly know me a lot better than i think im comfortable with and theres fucking chocobos and pokemon running around
but nah im cool with it all
just running chill with everything now

BULLSHIT.
IF THAT USELESS BABBLE IS "COOL WITH IT" THEN I AM MY OWN MOTHER, WHICH IS IMPOSSIBLE FOR MORE REASONS THAN I CARE TO EXPLAIN FOR THE SAKE OF A JOKE.
I MEANT ABOUT THIS PLACE AND WHAT'S GOING ON HERE, STUPID.
I'VE LIVED HERE OVER TWO YEARS, AND EVEN IF I'M NOT THE FIRST FROM OUR SECTION OF EXISTENCE TO HAVE SHOWN UP, I AM THE ONE WHO'S BEEN AROUND LONGEST AND REMEMBERS THE MOST.
SPEAKING OF
I HAVE NO CLUE WHAT A POKEMON IS BUT CHOCOBOS ARE FINE.
I HAVE ONE, AND SO DO A FEW OTHER TROLLS HERE, AND YOU HAD ONE YOURSELF BEFORE.
YOUR "TEEN BRO" AND "TEEN MOM" ARE FROM THE POST-SCRATCH HUMAN SESSION.
JOHN AND JADE'S TEEN GRANDPARENTS ARE HERE TOO, FOR THAT MATTER.
AND THE OTHER PEOPLE WHO KNEW YOU TALKED TO YOU IN TIMES YOU WERE HERE BEFORE, BUT AS SAID, YOU JUST DON'T REMEMBER.
AS SOMEONE WHO GOT TRAPPED INTO TALKING BACKWARDS TO JOHN AFTER HE ALREADY HAD THE TIME TO GET TO KNOW ME, IT IS NOT THAT HARD TO DEAL WITH.
JUST TELL THEM TO FUCK OFF IF YOU NEED YOUR SPACE BECAUSE IT IS NOT A CRIME TO WANT A LITTLE BREATHING ROOM WHEN YOU'RE STILL DEALING WITH WHAT THIS PLACE EVEN IS.

lucky for you i actually get that joke and all the reasons behind it aside from the obvious
a pokemon is the eevee that jade has theres a metric fuckton of other species of them but no one knows if others are here or not i guess
sufferer said he was gonna give me back game bro so i dont have to worry about that and itll be pretty cool to have my own chocobo
already knew about the whole from the other session thing cause rose did a lot of research on it
doesnt make it any fucking less weird though
to be honest i dont really care much about this place
like the whole welcome brochure thing was enough to give me a gist on whats going on
not sure what else there would be to know other than realizing when i see the words nostalgia nook and laugh that ive been around trolls too long
i mean yeah on one hand a little breathing room would be nice but at the same time ive had nothing but breathing room for the past three years so its time to get off my ass man up and just deal with shit as it comes

HOW HAVE I BEEN HERE THIS LONG WITHOUT KNOWING SHE HAS ONE OF THOSE.
AND DID YOU SERIOUSLY NAME YOUR CHOCOBO "GAME BRO"?
WHAT KIND OF NAME IS THAT.
I'LL TELL YOU, IT'S NOT A NAME, IT'S AN EMBARRASSMENT.
IT MUST GO AROUND HANGING ITS HEAD IN SHAME AROUND YOU, KNOWING YOU FAIL HARDER AT PROPER NOMENCLATURE THAN YOUR SPECIES DOES AT SPACE TRAVEL.
BUT TELL ME, DOES THAT SHITTY LITTLE BROCHURE EVEN MENTION WHY WE'RE HERE?
BECAUSE I CAN TELL YOU THAT.

guess youre just not paying enough attention to jade
game bro is the name of an ironically shitty game magazine i used to critique on one of my blogs and its the perfect name for a god damned chocobo of all things
no idea how much of a feathery asshole it is yet cause i havent met it
sufferers the one whos known it since it was a chick apparently and im sure he could attest to the fact that it holds its head high in pride because its a motherfucking strider
and it didnt exactly give the why
just like the basics of what the fuck this place is and that were pretty much stuck and have to get used to it but theres some weird coral god thatll make sure we dont die

I HAVE A JOB AND A TON OF PEOPLE TO KEEP TRACK OF
CAN YOU REALLY EXPECT ME TO KNOW EVERYTHING THERE IS ABOUT JADE'S OTHERWORDLY PET CREATURES.
AND NO, THAT MAKES THE NAME EVEN MORE SPONGENUMBINGLY ASSBRAINED THAN IT ALREADY WAS.
WHAT KIND OF TOOL KEEPS A BLOG IN THE FIRST PLACE.
ALSO, STRIDERS ARE UNIVERSALLY TOOLS, AND THE FACT THAT FRIENDSHIP HAS OCCURRED DOES NOT NOR WILL IT EVER NEGATE THIS.
BUT BACK ON THE MAIN SUBJECT, THAT MAKES THE BROCHURE BOTH SIMPLISTIC AND ALTERNATELY WRONG.
THE NATIVES WILL TELL YOU THE CORAL IS A GOD UNTIL THEY PASS OUT FROM LACK OF OXYGEN SUPPLY TO THEIR WOEFULLY UNDERDEVELOPED BRAINS, BUT A GOD IT IS NOT.
IT HAS SPECIAL POWERS AND JUNK AND IS PRETTY IMPORTANT, BUT IT FAILS TO REACH DEITY STATUS.
TRUST ME AS I 1) KNOW THINGS, 2) HAVE MET ACTUAL GODS IN MY TIME HERE, AND 3) HAVE TEMPORARILY BEEN A GOD MYSELF AND NO I DON'T MEAN GOD TIER.

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