046 ♋ [TEXT]

[bethehugejerk]

WHAT FOUL AND MERCILESS ENTITY ROLLED OUT OF THE SPECIES APPROPRIATE SLUMBER APPARATUS AND DECIDED TO INVENT TIME
WHY, IN THE NAME OF ALL THINGS, DID THIS ASSHOLE INSTILL INTO LIVING BEINGS THE CONCEPT OF THINGS HAPPENING BEFORE AND AFTER EACH OTHER
AND WHY DO I HAVE TO BE AFFLICTED WITH THIS WHEN I'M NOT EVEN A FUCKING TIME PLAYER.
WAS IT NOT ENOUGH TO HAVE TO DEAL WITH THE ENDLESS STABLE TIME LOOPS HOLDING THE SHODDY STICKS AND TWINE OF OUR TIMELINE TOGETHER?
WHAT ABOUT THE FLUX OF PEOPLE BACK AND FORTH FROM DIFFERENT SPOTS ALONG THAT LINE LIKE BACKWASH FROM AN ILL-CLEANED MOUTH INTO A SOULMELTING BOTTLE OF FAYGO???
WELL I GUESS THE FUCK NOT, BECAUSE HERE I AM BEING FORCED TO DEAL WITH OVER FIVE YEARS WORTH OF MEMORIES LAID OVER THE TOP OF EACH OTHER LIKE PARADOX SPACE DECIDED TO MAKE A PARTICULARLY AWFUL SANDWICH OUT OF THEM.
SAID SANDWICH HAS THEN BEEN FORCE FED DIRECTLY INTO MY THINK PAN
I AM OVERSTUFFED WITH RECOLLECTION AND REMEMBRANCE
MY BRAIN WOULD VOMIT IF IT WERE PHYSICALLY POSSIBLE. CONTEMPLATE THAT FOR A MINUTE.
OR HOWEVER LONG, I DON'T FUCKING CARE ABOUT THE UNITS, AND NONE OF IT WILL APPROXIMATE THE SCREAMING HEADACHE CURRENTLY DECIMATING MY CRANIAL UNIT.
COULD I NOT HAVE GONE THROUGH THIS IN EASILY DIGESTED PIECES
WOULD THAT BE SO FUCKING HARD TO DO.
SURE, SEND ME BACK A COUPLE HOURS THAT FIRST TIME, BUT NO! YOU SCIENTIST NOOKMONGERS JUST *HAD* TO GIVE ME THE FULL THREE YEARS.
WHO CARES THAT I WAS ALREADY 15 AND A HALF IN EARTH YEARS, I OBVIOUSLY NEEDED THE SQUALID, STULTIFYING EXPERIENCE OF LIVING SOME OF THEM TWICE! PLUS AN EXTRA FEW MONTHS!!
SO UNTIL MY SPONGE STOPS TRYING TO CANNIBALIZE ITSELF (ETA: NOT FUCKING SOON ENOUGH), DO NOT EXPECT COHERENCY FROM ME
BECAUSE I CANNOT EVEN SORT OUT THE SIMPLE CONCEPT OF "YESTERDAY" FROM THE FESTERING REMAINS OF MY OWN THOUGHT ORGAN.
YESTERDAY MEANS TOO MANY THINGS RIGHT NOW.
YESTERDAY CAN FRANKLY GO FUCK ITSELF TWICE IN A BRAND NEW ORIFICE I'VE JUST INVENTED FOR IT.
ALL I KNOW IS THE LESS I SEE OF POSSESSED PSYCHOPATHS AND THEIR WEAPONIZED CUTLERY, THE BETTER.
SOMEONE TELL ME HOW MUCH TIME HAS PASSED SINCE I DISAPPEARED AND WHO'S HERE, BECAUSE I CANNOT EVEN CARE TO CHECK THE LIST RIGHT NOW.

Comments

[onlyasign]

KARKAT! YOU'RE BACK!

he's purposely disoriented btw

[bethehugejerk]

NO
NO NO NO NO, SPARE ME, JUST THIS ONCE, GRANTED ME REPRIEVE FROM YOUR LECTURES AND SERMONS BECAUSE I DO NOT HAVE THE CRANIAL CAPACITY TO CONTEMPLATE ANYMORE "PROBLEMATICS" OR "TRIGGERS" OR WHATEVER TERM IT IS YOU WANT TO USE FOR THEM
I AM NOT FUCKING UP FOR IT TODAY, JUST
PLEASE.
SEE, I'M EVEN ASKING NICELY.

[wavesofjade]

Hello Again, Karkat.
You Have Been Gone For Approximately Three Days.

[text]

[unconchonable]

[When he sees the grey text on the network, his heart nearly stops. He has to wonder if maybe he's dreaming, or perhaps this is just a cruel joke. Their shared hive has served as nothing but an empty reminder of what he's been lacking for the past several nights, and he hates how hope is welling in his gut, because he's hardly an optimist! But... If this really is Karkat... he remembers! Oh man oh god...]

kar is that really you
i gotta see you for myself this text aint the proof im needin to vvalidate your return wwhere the fuck are you
you got no idea howw ivve bloody missed you but i aint gonna start wwritin you a tapestry a my feelins till ivve seen your face myself so its kinda fuckin dire you disclose your location promptly or ill tear this underwwater bastion appart lookin for your husk

[bethehugejerk]

KANAYA?
WAIT, NO
HER ANCESTOR, RIGHT?
THE ONE WITHOUT THE TATTOOS?
I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT FEELS LIKE BUT IT'S DEFINITELY NOT LIKE THREE DAYS.
AT LEAST IT WASN'T FOREVER HERE.

[420]

[Words, words, words, look at all these words Gamzee didn't read. It is hard to read things when you are deliriously happy.]

YoU'Re bAcK.
HaHaHa, ShIt, YoU'Re rEaLlY BaCk.
FuCk, I ToLd eRiDaN He jUsT HaDdA Up aNd kEeP ThE MoThErFuCkIn fAiTh aLiVe, YoU KnOw, HaD Me tHe rEaLeSt uNdErStAnDiNg tHaT AiN'T No mOtHeRfUcKeR WoUlD Be kEePiNg yOu gOnE.
HaHaHa jUsT
MoThErFuCkEr
WhErE YoU At bRo, I'Ll bE ThErE QuIcK As a mOtHeRfUcKeR CaN AlL Be.

[Someone needs a clown hug. Spoiler, it is Karkat. It is him.]

[wavesofjade]

Correct.
Although I Imagine That Kanaya Will Also Be Pleased To Hear Of Your Return.
Are You Unhurt?
Your Evident Mental Distress Aside, Of Course.

[feralfanatic]

Karkat
It certainly s33ms like you had a trying time away from the bubble
Welcome back to Vatheon for what that is worth
I can fix you up something sw33t if you think that will help

[bethehugejerk]

YOU GLITTERSHITTING SACK OF ASS
DON'T YOU EVEN GO ON ABOUT "KEEPING THE FAITH" TO ME.
YOU KNOW WHAT YOUR FAITH CAN DO?
IT CAN GO DROWN IN THE FOUL BODILY EMANATIONS OF ITS FAYGO ADDICTED FOLLOWERS, REEKING TO HIGH FAKE ASS HEAVEN OF SUGAR AND FRUITY FLAVORS NOT FOUND IN ANY ACTUAL FRUIT.
COULD YOU NOT EVEN HAUL YOUR BONY CLOWN SIT CHUNKS OUT OF THE VENTILATION LONG ENOUGH TO ACKNOWLEDGE THE FACT THAT OH, TIME TO ARRIVE, MAYBE IT'S WORTH IT TO BE PRESENT AND ACCOUNTED FOR JUST THIS ONCE!
I'M NOT EVEN GOING TO START ABOUT TEREZI, YES I KNOW ABOUT THAT, IT WAS THE WORST KEPT SECRET SINCE MY OWN FLAILING EFFORTS TO COVER UP MY BLOOD
BUT DO NOT FOR AN INSTANT THINK I'M HAPPY ABOUT THAT SHITSHOW THAT'S RESULTED.
AND WHY ARE YOU TYPING LIKE THAT AGAIN.

[bethehugejerk]

THANK YOU FOR BEING THE MOST EASY TO PLACE ANCESTOR THIS FAR.
NO STUPID FACES, NO SQUEALING ABOUT SHIPPING, JUST A PLAIN, LEGIBLE QUIRK.
AND NO
SOMETHING SWEET IS NOT GOING TO HELP WHILE I'VE STILL GOT THIS HEADACHE.

[420]

[If only you could see his snout right now, Karkat. Now, it is true that Gamzee goes through life kinda boggled at everything, but his current expression takes all those other expressions of vague non-comprehending, rolls them up in a neat little ball of missunderstanding and fucking blows it out of the water.

What kind of weirdo sits in vents??? Did he sit in vents with Terezi??? Where did she even come in? Did she come into the vents? This is all very confusing.]


UuUuH...
I'M NoT AlL FoLlOwInG YoU, bRoThEr
TyPiNg lIkE WhAt?

[bethehugejerk]

I GOT RUN THROUGH WITH A GODDAMN FORK
THEN REVIVED VIA SPARKLY BULLSHIT LIFE MAGIC BY THE SAME BITCH WHO KILLED ME.
SO YES, TECHNICALLY, I AM PRESENTLY UNHURT
BUT IT MISSES THE STORY TO SAY THAT MUCH.
... SHE'S NOT HERE, IS SHE?
WHAT'S HER FACE
SHORT BLACK HAIR, FROM THE OTHER HUMAN SESSION, POSSESSED AND MORE STOIC THAN PURSED STRIDER LIPS UNTIL SHE FLIPS OUT ON THE MURDER SWITCH?

(1/3)

[bethehugejerk]

LIKE A GODDAMN wHiMsIcAl aSsHoLe, MORON
STOP TRYING TO PRETEND LIKE

(2/3)

[bethehugejerk]

[OW, brain, you did not need to remember that forcefully.]

(3/3)

[bethehugejerk]

WAIT
SHIT
YOU NEVER WENT THROUGH ALL THAT HERE, DID YOU
I MEAN THE MURDER AND GOING SOBER AND EVERYTHING BUT NOT
FUCK ME WITH A PRONGED LEAF SCRAPER.

[text/video]

[bethehugejerk]

[Karkat flips on the video for a moment. He is soaked with sea water, caked with sand in places (including half his face), and generally looking like hell descended personally on his cranium. He also looks about a year older. Is that some red in his eyes? We just don't know. Thanks Hussie.]

[He switches back to text shortly after.]

YES, DINGUS, IT'S ME.
SINCE WHEN DOES ANYONE ELSE YOU KNOW TYPE IN ALLCAPS GREY TEXT?
IF WHAT THE DOLOROSA TOLD ME IS RIGHT IT HASN'T EVEN BEEN THAT LONG SINCE I DISAPPEARED, SO SPARE VATHEON AND DRAG YOUR TIGHT PANTS UP THE ELEVATOR.
I'M ON THE BEACH SOMEWHERE IF THE VIDEO DIDN'T MAKE IT OBVIOUS.

[420]

NaW, i´m cOoL On tHaT.
I´M StIlL ReAlLy nOt uNdErStAnDiNg wHaT YoU ArE AlL GeTtInG At bUt
CaN I SeE YoU?
YoU GoT YoU A WiCkEd cAsE Of tHe pAn uPsEtS, dOn't yOu?
I GoT ExAcTlY AlL WhAt a bRoThEr dOeS NeEd oN ThAt.


[It is a hug and a bottle of cool faygo. You'll see, it'll work miracles.]

[video]

[fourleafed]

[No, she's not reading all of that. She can't read anyway, and especially not English. But she knows the angry grey font and knows enough to recognize Karkat's name on her SFC, so of course she's going to say something to him.]

Yay! Candy horns is back!

[wavesofjade]

I Have Not Seen Anyone Matching That Description.
Though I Am Still Finding It Difficult To Tell Humans Apart At Times.

[bethehugejerk]

[A wicked case of go choke on a bulge, is what he first thinks, but that realization hasn't vanished off to nowhere. It's just mixed with the rest into a confusing, nauseating slurry of feelings.]

YES, MY HEAD IS KILLING ME ABOUT AS WELL AS IT CAN WITHOUT BEING LITERAL.
I'M UP ON THE ISLAND AND I GUESS I CAN PUT UP WITH YOU FOR A LITTLE.
LOOK FOR THE SAND STUDDED JACKASS ON THE BEACH.

[video]

[bethehugejerk]

[Karkat does not really want to use video right now, but fuck it. Life has already proved beyond a shadow of a doubt that he does not get what he wants. His messy hair is even worse today, given he's drenched with sea water and half-caked with sand. If she can notice it, he also looks about a year older.]

Yes, you weird child, I'm back. And I have a name, thanks.

[bethehugejerk]

THEN I'LL WAIT AND ASK...
I DON'T KNOW, SOMEONE ELSE WHO'S HERE.
I'LL WAIT AND ASK THEM FOR THE LIST OF PEOPLE TOO IF YOU DON'T KNOW WHO ALL TO LOOK UP.

[420]

RiGhT On mY WaY, mY BrOtHeR, jUsT GiVe a mOtHeRfUcKeR A MoMeNt.
<>!

[Aaand, he is off, stuffing his SFC in his pocket, too brimming over with happiness at Karkat being back here that he really isn't taking note of the downright less than thrilled manner in which Karkat is treating him. You'd be surprised how quickly a bro'd get used to that.]

[video]

[fourleafed]

[She'll notice the messy hair and sand, but not so much the older part. It's hard for kids to notice a difference like one year.]

You're dirty, you need a bath. Mom won't like you being all smelly in the house.

no prob!

[onlyasign]

WHAT?

NO, I'M NOT KANKRI. IT'S SUFFE

SIGNLESS. IT'S SIGNLESS. YOU KNOW... DAD.