[Text]

[devwocean]

Attention citizens.

You havve made the stupendous mistake of kidnappin one Commander Orphaner Dualscar, destroyer a wworlds an' scourge a the stars.

In light a your obvvious ignorance, and the admittedly pleasant surroundins, I'll be generous. You havve half an hour to explain wwhere I am, howw I got here, and wwhy, and to showw me the exit. It's the ocean, I can make my owwn wway from there.

I'm wwaiting. Don't fuckin disappoint me.

One last wwarnin: I'm not a vvery patient troll.

[OOC: I'm happy to do action tags/prose in the comments, too. Anyone who wants to run into him in person can find him wandering the main thoroughfare around the Lamufao, using his starfish phone thingy to monitor the network]

Comments

[devwocean]

Because it's fuckin' polite.
And wwhen I meet you, I wwant to knoww wwhat to call you.

[bethehugejerk]

PROBLEM SOLVED!
I'M NOT MEETING YOU, SO YOU DON'T NEED TO KNOW IT.

not here, but lurking and...

[withoutasign]

[Oh god, son, be careful. Be so, so careful...]

[devwocean]

Wwe're both stuck in this small city, an you claim to be in the position a leadin the trolls here.
Wwhich wwould theoretically include me.
But you start wwith fuckin threats an wwon't do me the courtesy of bein in the least bit civvil.
This is a fuckin joke.

[bethehugejerk]

BECAUSE I DON'T FUCKING TRUST YOU.
WHAT KIND OF MORON GIVES OUT INFORMATION THAT COULD BE USED AGAINST THEM TO SOMEONE THEY CAN'T TRUST NOT TO USE IT?

[devwocean]

Your name is such a fuckin jealously guarded secret?
Sounds to me like it's your guards an followwers that you don't trust.

[bethehugejerk]

THEY ARE MY TEAM
AND I HAVE LED THEM THROUGH WORSE SHIT THAN THIS.
I TRUST THEM ENOUGH, I'M JUST NOT A FUCKING MORON.

[devwocean]

And you assume that I am no ally that you wwould wwant to cultivvate.
That tells me as much as I need to knoww about your team, I think.

[bethehugejerk]

[There's a small pause before he replies.]

WHAT DOES IT TELL YOU?

[devwocean]

That it's illegitimate, an you fear anyone wwith a true claim.
You stink a the Signless.
All ovver.

[bethehugejerk]

IT'S NOT FUCKING ILLEGITIMATE.
IT'S BETTER THAN WHATEVER SOME SELF-INVESTED SHITHEAD LIKE YOU WOULD EVER LEAD.

[Just not gonna answer the second part, nope.]

[devwocean]

I havve centuries of experience wwith leadership
And you havve wwhat, half a swweep, you said?
Ridiculous.
You're nothin but a puffed-up piece a flotsom compared to me, wwhatevver accomplishments you think you havve.
Your arrogance wwould be disgustin if it wweren't so pathetic.

[not here, but...]

[withoutasign]

[Must... not... expose Karkat... as his descendant. Must... not... interrupt...]

[bethehugejerk]

SO I'M NEW TO IT, AND YOU'RE AN OLD, WRINKLED, ARROGANT BASTARD.
THAT SURE PUT ME IN MY PLACE!
I'M LEARNING SHIT, I'LL ADMIT THAT
BUT I AM FAR FROM FUCKING WORTHLESS IN WHAT I DO.
IF SOMETHING EVER HAPPENED TO ME, I KNOW MY TEAM WOULD COME TOGETHER AND FUCKING AVENGE IT
NOT OUT OF FEAR
NOT OUT OF BLOOD
NOT OUT OF LAW OR OBLIGATION OR ANY RIDICULOUS SOCIAL EXPECTATION
BUT OUT OF GENUINE RESPECT AND REGARD FOR ME AS A LEADER AND AN INDIVIDUAL.
CAN YOU SAY THE SAME FOR WHOEVER THE FUCK YOU'VE LED IN ALL YOUR CENTURIES?

Deflect!

[devwocean]

You think so, and perhaps that's true.
But I wwonder.
People are not so selfless, in my experience. They'll avvenge you, an then squabble to take your place.
But maybe that's not a problem here, wwhere death is apparently impermanent.

[bethehugejerk]

THERE IS ONLY ONE TROLL FIT TO TAKE MY PLACE
AND I FIRMLY EXPECT THAT THEY WOULD DEFER TO THEM.
BEING AS I'M THE ONE WHO'S LED THEM, NOT YOU, DON'T YOU PRESUME TO TELL ME HOW MY OWN TEAM WOULD ACT, EITHER.

[devwocean]

I'll admit that I don't knoww your people wwell.
But I knoww troll nature.
If you wwant to be naivve, that's your prerogativve, of course.
I'll be there to take your place wwhen you learn otherwwise, wwhelp.
There are already those amongst your people wwho havve provven useful to me, wwho wwill followw me.
You don't wwant me for an enemy, Karkat Vvantas.

[bethehugejerk]

[Who the hell told him--]

NICE TRY, GUESS AGAIN.
TROLL NATURE IS NOT AS FUCKING SIMPLE AS YOU WANT TO MAKE IT OUT TO BE.
THEY CAN LEARN
THEY HAVE LEARNED
AND MY TEAM WILL STAY MY TEAM.

[He sure as fuck hopes some will, because fuck, is that a worrying prospect.]

[devwocean]

[Haha, the seed of doubt is planted. JUST AS PLANNED]

Yes, they can be twwisted an led, especially wwhen you offer them dreams an puffery that appeals to them.
You lowwbloods.
It's alwways the same.
You're jealous a our superiority, so you'll believve any desperate mutant or upstart wwho sells you a bill a goods an promises salvvation.
But it'll nevver wwork because that's not real.
And all it brings you in the end is pain.

[bethehugejerk]

DREAMS AND PUFFERY?
I COME UP WITH ACTUAL FUCKING PLANS TO KEEP THEIR HUSKS SAFE.
DOES IT ALWAYS WORK? NO.
HAVE I MESSED UP? HELL FUCKING YES, I HAVE.
BUT I ACKNOWLEDGE THAT
AND I KNOW I'M NOT PERFECT AT IT
AND I DO THAT AMAZING THING CALLED *LEARNING*.
I DON'T SELL A BILL OF GOODS OR EMPTY FUCKING PROMISES
I TELL THEM MY INTENT
AND I WORK TO PROVE I CAN CARRY IT OUT!
THAT MUCH IS REAL.
THAT MUCH IS WHAT HAS EARNED THE RESPECT THEY GIVE ME.
AND I AM SURE AS HELL NOT GOING TO GIVE UP AND BACK DOWN TO SOME SCARRED UP SALTBREATHER WHO THINKS HE'S HOT SHIT JUST BECAUSE HE HAS A PAIR OF FINS ON HIS FACE!

[devwocean]

Maybe you'vve done wwell, leadin a bunch a children an a couple a brainwwashed lowwblood pieces a filth around.
Sounds from wwhat I'vve learned like you'vve accomplished a feww things an I can acknowwledge that, Vvantas.
And maybe that means you'vve earned a little respect from your people.
By a bill a goods I'm talkin about the Signless' bullshit teachings, wwhich are nothin but hopes an dreams an not based on actual reality.
As to your leadership skills, I can't say.
But I havve personally observved that you're a fool to dismiss me an toss me aside because a the aforementioned fins on my face, an that's the attitude that wwe started out wwith.
You can be wwith me or against me.
Wwith me invvolvves showin me some modicum of respect not just for the fact that I wwas born royalty by the standards of our race but because of the centuries of actual experience that I bring to the table.
If you wwant to ignore that because of your fears an insecurities, that's fine wwith me.

[withoutasign]

[All right, that's it, getting involved now!]

AND THAT ATTITUDE RIGHT THERE IS WHAT I STOOD AGAINST.
WITH YOU OR AGAINST YOU, BORN ROYAL, DEMANDING RESPECT WITHOUT EARNING IT... DON'T YOU SEE HOW THAT WAS TEARING OUR WORLD APART?

YOU HAVE MILITARY EXPERIENCE THAT COULD BE USEFUL, THAT COULD BE VALUABLE, AND YET YOU WON'T SHARE IT UNLESS EVERYONE IS SUBSERVIENT AND FALLS TO THEIR KNEES BEFORE YOU.
YOU WOULD GAIN FAR MORE BY SHARING IT WILLINGLY, DUALSCAR, AND WORKING WITH US, THAN BE TRYING TO FORCE IT DOWN OUR THROATS.

[devwocean]

[Oho, he can't stay away. And Dualscar is growling]

I will not servve YOU, mutant.
You might be content to throww awway our entire culture, the foundation that evverything is built on, but I AM NOT.
In a situation like this, wwe should be pullin together an standin against our captors, and to do that wwe need ORDER AN DISCIPLINE.
NOT A BUNCH A FUCKIN WWIGGLERS AN FREAKS ALL SHOOSHIN EACH OTHER AN PAPPIN LIKE WWE DON'T HAVVE TEETH AN CLAWWS AN THE WWILL TO TAKE WWHAT WE NEED TO SURVVIVVE.
Wwhat the fuck is wwrong wwith all a you?

look at that, you made me use my Jawa icon!

[withoutasign]

DAMMIT, DUALSCAR, DON'T YOU SEE THAT WE WANT THE SAME THINGS?
WHY DO YOU INSIST ON EVERYTHING BEING ABSOLUTES?
WHY DOES EVERYTHING HAVE TO COME DOWN TO VIOLENCE AND HATRED AND MISERY WITH YOU? HAVEN'T YOU EVER THOUGHT, EVEN FOR A MOMENT, THAT THERE MIGHT BE ANOTHER WAY? THAT WE MIGHT NOT HAVE TO BE AT EACH OTHER'S THROATS ALL THE TIME, BACK-STABBING AND CONSTANTLY WITH ONE HAND ON THE CULLING FORK, AND THAT WE CAN USE OUR UNIQUE SKILLS TO ADVANCE ALL OF TROLLKIND?

AND BEFORE YOU DISMISS MY METHODS TOO QUICKLY, REMEMBER THAT THREE LOWBLOODS AND A MUTANT ALMOST BROUGHT THE ALTERNIAN EMPIRE TO ITS KNEES.

[devwocean]

You exaggerate about your accomplishments.
Wwe do wwant some a the same things, but you also wwant to bring down my Empire, swweep it awway an replace it wwith chaos.
I wwon't help you wwith that. I WWON'T.
An noww I hear from my descendent that Alternia has been destroyed, wwhat does that evven mean? Howw could that be true?