First Pickup Line; Text

[justnevwerevwen]

vwell vwell vwell.
i bet none of you knewv i vwas here did you? thats because unlike most of you chumps, i decided to vwatch and learn before i came crying to the netvwork like a total lamer!
and because i figured this vwould givwe me the most dramatic entrance. i alvways did like havwing a little flair.
so nowv that thats out of the vway, i can introduce myself properly to all you cats and kittens.
the names cronus ampora. this place blowvs the dream bubbles out of the vwater by far.
hahahaha im such a car.
do you see vwhat i did there? blowvs it out of the vwater?
i slay myself.
so howv about coming and introducing yourselvwes? im itching to meet all of you avwesome people.

Comments

[justnevwerevwen]

[It's too late, Dave. Cronus already turned off the communicator and is looking for you. He will be there soon, he has looked up all of your information.

All of it.

He's almost there.]

[knightime]

[DAVE STILL ISN'T SURE WHAT JUST HAPPENED TO BE HONEST.

No. He doesn't want this. This is the exact opposite of what he wants. Holy shit.

[sniffdeceit]

[HOLD ON, DAVE. COMING TO INTERCEPT.]

[justnevwerevwen]

[He was nearly there! NEARLY THERE.

And then suddenly Terezi.]

Vwhoa! Pyrope's ancestor? Vwhat are you doing here? I'm afraid I don't havwe time to chat though, because I havwe a vwery important date that I havwe to get to! But if you vwant to hook up later...

[sniffdeceit]

I'm afraid that date won't be allowed!

[She shakes her head, pointing her cane at Cronus's chest.]

I have already claimed this human. The necessary dance of acceptance has been performed to the appropriate guardian and everything. [If you doubt her, just ask Bro.]

I would hate to have to face you in a trial-by-combat for dating rights.

[justnevwerevwen]

Dance of acceptance?

[What the hell is she talking about, he's never heard of any dances of acceptances! And he's the humankin here!],/small>

...Vwhat if vwe havwe a dance-off for his affection?

[sniffdeceit]

I don't think it works that way!

[Not that she's going to check and see if it does. She's pretty sure Bro makes up a lot of his rules anyway.]

Besides. [Here she taps her chest.] He prefers it if you have a pair of these.

[justnevwerevwen]

[When she says that last part, he just raises an eyebrow and folds his arms.]

Vwhat do those havwe to do vwith anything?

[...Though, he is staring at them now.]

[knightime]

What are you two doing?

[Cronus, those are the chest nubs of his girlfriend you're staring at.] I think you need to stop while you're ahead.

[sniffdeceit]

Hi, Dave!

[That's right. Dave should probably be a part of this discussion himself. It's only fair.]

I was simply maintaining my position in your flushed quadrant. Cronus doesn't understand human gender biases.

[justnevwerevwen]

[#vwhat if i stop vwhen i get head instead]

I understand it! I'm just... uh, human bisexual! That is totally a thing that I havwe become.

[knightime]

Hey, Terezi.

[W h y.]

I'm sorry, but I'm not human bisexual. I happen to be very human heterosexual. It's unfortunate, but true.

[sniffdeceit]

It doesn't work if it's only one way!

[Don't mind Terezi, Dave. She'll just be tossing an arm over your shoulder.]