[Audio]

[thekidsare0kay]

Okay, weirdos. I'm fucking bored.

I've reprogrammed this stupid piece of shit alien communicator thingy with a text to speech program. By touch. In a foreign programming language. So now there are no excuses.

Someone entertain me.

Comments

[p2iioniicii2t]

[ He will never send another message to Sollux that doesn't require some sort of code cracking to get to.

Congratulations, welcome to nerd heaven. ]

IImmediiately me22age me when you are capable of readiing thii2.

[Encrypted]

[thekidsare0kay]

[Likewise. Nerd heaven has two occupants]

n0t bad.
did i pass?

forever increasingly encrypted;

[p2iioniicii2t]

We 2hall 2ee, 2ollux Captor.
The data avaiilable two even a 2iingle component of the Battle2hiip Conde2cen2iion wiill iineviitably out2triip your capabiiliitiie2.
And II am two of tho2e.

yup yup

[thekidsare0kay]

0h my g0d, what are y0u talking ab0ut?

and i can kick y0ur ass, 0ld man.

[p2iioniicii2t]

II am the Helm2man of the Battle
2
h
iip

II 2erved once a2 both naviigator and power 2ource.
IIt offer2 certaiin iincrea2ed capabiiliitiie2.

[thekidsare0kay]

0h.
what was it like?

[p2iioniicii2t]

2erviice two the Empiire ii2 fulfiillment
paiinful

Glory two the Empiire.
Glory two Her IImperiiou2 Conde2cen2iion.

Excu2e me.
II2 iit an iintere2t of your2?
IIt ii2 not a recommended vocatiion, 2ollux Captor.

[thekidsare0kay]

0h my g0d.

[p2iioniicii2t]

My apologiie2.
There are 2everal error2 iin my programmiing that have not been addre22ed.

[thekidsare0kay]

0h my g0d.
fuck.
i'm s0rry.

that was g0ing t0 happen t0 me, wasn't it?
i mean, if we hadn't destr0yed the w0rld.

[p2iioniicii2t]

2uch ii2 the fate of the powerful member2 of the 2lave ca2te2.
You may comfort your2elf wiith the concept of mortaliity.

You were not iinformed on the 2ubject?

[thekidsare0kay]

i think they gl0ssed 0ver h0w shitty it w0uld be.
i always th0ught it was this s0rt 0f r0mantic thing, being a helmsman, having this imp0rtant, cl0se relati0nship with a captain and expl0ring the universe t0gether.
n0t being pr0grammed and painful and stuff.

[p2iioniicii2t]

What a 2trange concept.

IIt proviide2 a 2y2tem fulfiillment of purpo2e.


II apologiize for dii2appoiintment.
The concept ii2 pre2ently null.
IIt matter2 liittle.

[thekidsare0kay]

n0, it matters.
i think it matters!
y0u're like me.

[p2iioniicii2t]

We are a genetiic match.
There ii2 liittle more two iit than that.
Your knowledge of my exii2tence ii2 an anomaly.
IIt 2hould affect nothiing.

2ollux Captor and the Helm2man of the Battle2hiip Conde2cen2iion do not have any other commonaliitiie2.
Thii2 2y2tem ii2 not liike you.

[thekidsare0kay]

0h.
well, if that's the way y0u feel ab0ut it, fine.
like i care.

y0u realize i've kept up with y0u this l0ng, right?
i kn0w i'm n0t that great, that i'm really pretty fucked up, and i'm 0nly a wiggler, but i've kept up with y0u, even th0ugh y0u're 0lder than me and n0t a helmsman 0r whatever h00fbeast shit.
but if i'm n0t g00d en0ugh f0r y0u, fine.

suddenly the encryptions go away

[withoutasign]

[There's a pause before Psii's next answer, and that's because there's a very gentle but determined scuffle going on at Hive Holy Bro.]

HELLO, SOL---OH, WAIT A MOMENT

THERE.
THAT'S BETTER.

HI, SOLLUX.

[thekidsare0kay]

what the fuck.
where did y0u c0me fr0m?

[withoutasign]

PSII AND I LIVE TOGETHER.
I SAW HIM GETTING AGITATED, SO I TOOK HIS SFC. HE'S FINE, DON'T WORRY ABOUT HIM, BUT SOMETIMES IT'S BETTER IF HE TAKES A STEP BACK FROM A CONVERSATION AND REGROUPS.

NOW, WITH YOUR PERMISSION... MAY I READ THE CONVERSATION THE TWO OF YOU HAD?

[thekidsare0kay]

n0!
why was he agitated?

[withoutasign]

VERY WELL.
BUT WITHOUT READING THAT LOG, I WON'T KNOW WHY HE WAS GETTING UPSET.

IF I HAD TO GUESS, THOUGH? IT PROBABLY HAD SOMETHING TO DO WITH HIS PROGRAMMING AND GETTING CONFLICTING MESSAGES.

[thekidsare0kay]

fine, y0u can read it.
i d0n't kn0w ab0ut his pr0gramming, he was saying s0me creepy shit and c0nflicting things.
and then he said i wasn't g00d en0ugh f0r him and c0uldn't measure up, and then y0u sh0wed up.

[withoutasign]

OH, SOLLUX, SWEETHEART, I KNOW HE DOESN'T THINK THAT WAY. SOMETIMES THINGS GET MUDDLED AND HE CAN'T HELP IT. BUT GIVE ME A MOMENT TO READ THROUGH THIS, ALL RIGHT?

[thekidsare0kay]

yeah, whatever.
i'm n0t g0ing anywhere.

gonna get all up erryones bzns

[0_0]

sollux