caughtinanetwork | 043 ♋ [VIDEO]

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043 ♋ [VIDEO]

[Appearing on screen is a troll, grey-skinned and scowling, utterly unamused as he holds up a tan choker with a heart design. Guess who Sandy Claws visited?]

Thank you, Vatheon, for this pointless and utterly useless gift. This is definitely what I wanted, and you have outdone yourself in practice of earth holidays. I actually liked the stupid lobster until it went and left me this piece of crap.

But if other posts and personal discovery have told me anything, things have been lost and sent where they don't belong. So, I'll make the guess that this thing actually belongs to someone, which is the one saving grace to stop me from throwing it out with the trash. You're welcome.

... On that same subject, though.

[He shifts, coughs.]

If anyone has a--it should look like a crab monster, okay? This white crab thing, a completely badass one. If you have it, just contact me in private and I'll come get it, alright?

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Everything is quadrants with you trolls, isn't it? You really can't take any teasing at all.

It's shitty teasing, so if this is anyone's fault, it's yours for pushing things that way.

If it's so bad, you could have brushed it off instead of blowing up at me.

But I didn't, and it can't be changed now, so too damn bad. You could have not teased me too, but that idea is just too radical for this lifetime, isn't it?

It's simply never going to happen. Glad to know you've realized where things stand.

At this point I'm just going to rewrite your name as "Dick" in my memory. Clearly whatever force named you made a typo or stumbled over a consonant, because dick is your nature, unflagging and awful as that statement itself sounds.

This is the part where a gay joke is supposed to go here, but we can skip that. I'm glad you've finally discovered my true nature.

Gay joke?

Outdated terminology for humans who express sexual preference for one gender over the other. One of many such terms, actually. Two guys talking about dicks would inevitably need a reassurance of "no homo" to alleviate the supposed gayness of the situation.

Stupid human divisions about who likes what gender, got it. You should know full well if you were conquered by a troll that we don't give a shit about that kind of thing and don't even have the concept within our own species, so your gay joke reference isn't even ironic, just dumb and pointless.

Trolls also don't have a biological imperative leading to a theoretic importance of a majority of specific gender pairings. Not that I agree with it, but there's a reason it existed originally, underneath the bullshit.

And your species still makes a bigger fuss over it than it deserves. So there's a reason it's there, I get that, but where does that justify the big 'no homo' whining? I am like, half homo by human standards, and I was talking about dicks in the concept of insult, not slang reference to whatever awful analogue for bulges you've got hidden in your pants. And let's not even go there, alright? I will invent a way to punch you through the screen if you even try.

[Too late, he's already almost gone there with Sollux, Karkat.]

It became taboo, basically. It was unusual, and then it was suppressed, and because the majority of humans tend to react negatively to people who are different from them, it was a big deal for a while. Basically, it was something humans were persecuted for. At one point, it was even something they could be killed for.

That is the dumbest fucking thing, and so it will continue to be every time I hear it. You humans don't even cull each other over not having relationships or not being able to contribute to the continuation of the species, so why get so worked up over a genetically nonviable romantic match? Who cares if it's two dudes, or two chicks, or any of that?

Surprise surprise, humans are actually pretty talented at finding bullshit excuses to kill other groups of humans, despite most people having morals that claim killing others is wrong.

[Karkat hisses a frustrated breath through his teeth.]

See, that's why trolls are better than you. We might be ridiculously violent, and I know it screws us up, but at least we don't screw around about why we kill when we do.

You won't hear me arguing about how fucked up humans can be, but I must say I doubt that trolls are so superior. Call it a bias due to my species.

Okay, fair, we screwed you over. But we're still awesome and I will not be shaken of that conviction, now or ever. We're badass, end of story.

Humans are just as capable of being badass as trolls are, I'm not sorry to say.

Pssht. Give me reason to believe that one and maybe I will give it half a chance. Failing that, your claim is dismissed entirely on account of BS.

Well, I could tell you about human history, but a better way to prove it might be through a strife, I think.

[S...trife....]

I'm talking achievements as a species, idiot, not a glorified bulge measuring contest between individuals. One fight won or lost does not measure how great humans are versus trolls.

It proves we're not as weak as you think, but fine. Here's a bit of history for you.

This one happened during a time when Britain was in an Imperialist phase. The people in the colony of India wanted to gain their freedom, because they were being used for economic gain by the British. They didn't have enough people or materials to have a successful revolution, so they set about getting peace in a nonviolent way, using demonstrations.

One of these demonstrations happened between a group of people and some guards. The guards were instructed to not let anyone past them. The protestors came up to them. They didn't fight. They just kept walking closer until the guards were forced to hit them with their guns, and push them away. The protestors got up, and did it again, and again. Some of them were bleeding, and had broken bones, but they kept doing it anyway.

[Karkat rolls his eyes, but he listens all the same to what Dirk tells him.]

[It's strange to consider. Sure, the course of events in his time spent here have left Karkat with a distinct distaste for killing, something even he recognizes and admits as an untrollish sentiment. But developing that took time, and this near sweep spent with humans hasn't erased the six he lived on his planet, absorbing troll culture. Even as a mutant with reason to argue against many of his society's policies does not mean he rejected them all uniformly, or that they never affected his way of thinking.]

[In other words, to hear a tale of nonviolent resistance is a rather new experience. What's he supposed to think about it? Even setting that aside, he has another question:]

Why didn't the guards just kill them, then?

Mostly because it was illegal. The guards weren't in danger of being hurt, after all.

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