caughtinanetwork

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[ When the feed begins, it shows John (~~Aunt Nancy~~ Anansi) perched on a tree branch, legs crossed. His six, spider arms are idly juggling six, round objects -- apples, a crystal ball, etc. It was yours???? Well, it's John's now. What's holding his SFC? ....Webs. Well, okay then. ]

Hey guys! I am totally a gross spider now, haha. Anyway, does anyone here know why nothing grows in the winter? No?

Well, I do. Because I have aaaaaaaall the stories. All of them! I almost had all the wisdom too but, well, that is a story for another time.

Anyway, here I go.

Once upon a time, the Winter time used to be no different from Spring. Sure, snowflakes would still fall and the land would still be coated by miles of frost during this season, but the flowers and the trees still thrived and grew. Everybody still feasted during Winter, and all was well.

This was because Lady Harvest, dear Lady Harvest -- she's lovely you'll love her -- sang to the crops every night. She had such a magnificent voice that the plants would forget their chill and sleep under her guidance.

Now, as kind and benevolent as Lady Harvest was, she still made all creatures, human and animal, promise that they would only harvest enough to satisfy their hunger; she was, after all, just one deity and she couldn't possibly keep up with the demands of the whole world everyday if they were going to be greedy!

Everybody promised.

But some lied through their teeth.

One of the liars, surprise surprise, was me. Hey, she had a lot of delicious potatoes, could you blame me?

I did not want Lady Harvest to think ill of me though, so I devised a cunning plan!

During the late afternoon, before Lady Harvest sang and after everybody reclined back to their houses, I approached Brother Tiger. Brother Tiger and I have never been in the best terms, but the good favors I did him outweighed the malicious ones, so he did not pounce me. He asked me, "John, what is it that you want now?"

"I'm hurt, Brother Tiger. Why do you always assume I'm up to something?" I crawl up next to Brother Tiger and I ask him, "So why do you, proud king of the jungle, have the same rights as a common spider like me? Everyday during Winter, when I take one potato, you also take one potato! Excuse me, but shouldn't you be taking ten potatoes?"

Brother Tiger, with his mind clouded in fury that he even forgot his dislike of potatoes, ran to where Lady Harvest was singing. He roared and he roared at her that Lady Harvest was so shocked, she stopped singing to the crops. While the plants shivered and cried, I made myself a net from my spider webs and hurried them away. When Lady Harvest turned around, there were no more crops to sing to!

During these moments, Lady Harvest began to doubt herself. She wondered if she weren't strong enough for the plants, and since she had neither friends nor family, nobody was there to invalidate her insecurities -- so she ran away to the kingdom of God, never to be seen again.

That night, I feasted with my friends until we couldn't take another more bite. But there was TOO much food that we couldn't possibly eat them all, a world's worth of food, so they rotted away. From those days onward, Lady Harvest never returned, so all the plants shivered and died.

And now you know why nothing grows in Winter anymore!

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Is this a challenge?

If you want it to be.

But you're gonna lose this one Egderp. Crash and burn so hard, they'll smell the intense burns from kingdoms far, far away.

Challenge accepted, then.

Hey, have you ever heard of the story of the bird dude that made out with the cool spider dude?

Don't think I have.

Last I checked, there was this really fucking cool bird kid and his derpy spider friend trying to be cool. He felt kind of bad because his spider bro was trying real hard to reach his level of cool, but it just wasn't happening.

I'm assuming your story is totally different though. Please. Enlighten me. I must know. Can you hear the earnest deadpan in my voice? How did this sloppy makeout come to be?

Different cultures have different tales, that's probably an inferior civilization you're talking about.

How?

Well.

I don't have that story yet! But I think it's going to have a good ending. Want us to make that story now?

Huh. I'd be making it to easy for you if I just willingly let you have that story. Gotta work for it.

I'm not just going to come to you all wrapped up in a bow. I'm elusive as fuck you know. Gotta bring home the bread. Singing is hard and not everyone appreciates a good song, believe it or not.

Darn!

That's what I like about you. You're so complex! Do you want me to bring home the entire bakery? Because I can do that, you know.

I love a good song, though. Why don't you sing for me, pretty birdie?

Naw. I like to work for it myself. I ain't a house wife to no one.

[He considers saying no. But hey. The other wasn't asking to make out with him. Which reminds him. He wonders where John even is at the moment.

He puffs his chest out a little and lets out a familiar, yet foreign tune in a surprisingly gentle voice.]

My mother, she killed me,
My father, he ate me,
My sister Marlene,
Gathered all my bones,
Tied them in a silken scarf,
Laid them beneath the juniper tree,
Tweet, tweet, what a beautiful bird am I.

[ claps. ]

That is so beautifully tragic, Dave.

I think the most tragic part is I'm a bird. [He rolls his eyes.]

Where are you anyways?

Why do you want to know?

Can't a bird be curious? Last I checked, it wasn't just reserved to cats.

But fine. Don't tell me.

I'm on a tree behind the fruit shop, silly. Very secluded. Why, do you want some privacy with me?

What? Ugh. No way dude.

Maybe I'm trying to avoid you. Make this game of tag a little harder for you. Not that you're trying fairly hard, so why am I even bothering.

Dave, I am trying so hard because you are so beautiful and there are so many things I could do to you but you're just not interested! Do I need to start on a quest to woo you off your little bird feet?

[Pretty sure he hasn't ever been called beautiful before. It kind of throws him off for a second.]

I'm just hard to get. Need to make sure you're the one for me and all that jazz. Maybe you might have to. I'm not super convinced. [There's the sound of wings flapping. It seems Dave has gotten bored of his current spot and is finding himself a good ol' tree to perch himself upon.] I thought you wanted a story about some bird boy macking with a cool spider dude.

I do. Duh.

You seem to be getting tired. Why don't you drop by here? I have fruit and beverages.

Not used to the chicken feet.

What would happen if I said, sure? I don't know. Seems like an awful lot of work to get myself there if I'm tired.

[ Did John's tone drop? Yep. ]

I bet it's not that far away.

Fuck. Fine. Since we're bros and you're obviously not moving.

[Somehow he gets the feed to end.

And John will probably hear the sounds of large wings and hear the rustle of a tree as Dave lands.]

[ He smiles at him when he lands and gestures Dave to sit next to him. ]

Hey, gorgeous.

[He raises an eyebrow. You can actually see that. He couldn't get his shades on. Which might explain his avoidance to give John eye contact.

He hops over to the tree John is in.]

I get it Egbert. You think I'm really hot. Most people do.

[ He doesn't say anything. He just wordlessly hands Dave an apple. ]

[And Dave has to grab it with one of his feet(now talons). He's surprisingly not as weirded out doing this after opening doors and other things. That, and dear god having badass balance was fucking amazing.]

[ John iiiinches closer so he could take a closer peek at Dave's eyes. ]

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