1 fishy fishy

[cakesaretheenemy]

three guesses to who totally has a girlfriend now and the first two don't count!

[ ooc: Way before fairy guts. A day after this. ]

Comments

[TEXT]

[bethehugejerk]

JUST KEEP IT AWAY FROM ME IF IT EVER HAPPENS
ME AND DISGUSTING CRAWLY YOUNG CREATURES DO NOT GET ALONG.

[TEXT]

[cakesaretheenemy]

really?
i have always thought you would make a good mom.

[TEXT]

[bethehugejerk]

I'M A *GUY*, JOHN.
ALSO FUCK YOU, NO I WOULDN'T.
I HAD TO DEAL WITH TWENTY-FOUR SLIMY LITTLE WRIGGLERS CRAWLING ALL OVER ME AND I WAS HALF READY TO CULL MYSELF TRYING TO KEEP THEM ALL IN LINE BEFORE THEY WENT OFF TO THEIR METEORS.

[TEXT]

[cakesaretheenemy]

well yeah but you never really struck me as good dad material!
i don't know. they are not your babies. you know that thing people say that it is different when you are holding your baby in your arms and you just turn into a mom?
i think that will happen to you.

[TEXT]

[bethehugejerk]

I AM NOT GOING TO BE A FUCKING MOM!!!
I HELD MY OWN DAMN SELF
AND MY ANCESTOR
AND ALL MY FRIENDS
EVERYONE ON MY TEAM AND THEIR ANCESTORS
IF IT DIDN'T STICK THEN, IT'S NOT GOING TO STICK IN THE FUTURE.

[TEXT]

[cakesaretheenemy]

what if you suddenly have grubs with your quadrants though?

[TEXT]

[bethehugejerk]

JOHN
THAT CANNOT HAPPEN.
TROLLS CANNOT REPRODUCE AS COUPLES.
OUR BIOLOGY DOESN'T WORK THAT WAY!
IN FACT, WE'RE DOOMED TO EXTINCTION BECAUSE WE DON'T HAVE A MOTHER GRUB ANYMORE.

[TEXT]

[cakesaretheenemy]

ectobiology!!

[TEXT]

[bethehugejerk]

AND IF WE GOT ACCESS TO THAT HERE SOMEHOW, THAT STILL COULDN'T "JUST HAPPEN" ON ITS OWN.

[TEXT]

[cakesaretheenemy]

pfft.
what if though!

[TEXT]

[bethehugejerk]

THERE IS NO WHAT IF.
I'M NOT JUST GOING TO STROLL UP TO THE ECTOBIOLOGY STATION AND SMASH BUTTONS CARELESSLY UNTIL A BRAND NEW GRUB IS SITTING ON THE GROUND, ALL WITHOUT SELF-AWARENESS.

[TEXT]

[cakesaretheenemy]

what if it is suddenly a curse here?
like a permanent one?

[TEXT]

[bethehugejerk]

WHAT
OH GOD
NO WAY, MAN.
EVERY OTHER CURSE HAS LASTED NO LONGER THAN A WEEK, THERE'S NO WAY THEY'D DO THAT.

[TEXT]

[cakesaretheenemy]

but what if it happens!
are you going to ignore your babies karkat??
oops, i mean "grubs"!

[TEXT]

[bethehugejerk]

GRUBS?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN GRUBS??
THERE DOES NOT NEED TO BE MORE THAN ONE, ONE IS ENOUGH ON ITS OWN, AND I SURE AS HELL DO NOT NEED ONE FOR ME AND EQUIUS.
WHAT KIND OF INCOMPETENT MORON ACTUALLY WANTS A CALIGINOUS COUPLE TO RAISE A GRUB TOGETHER?

[TEXT]

[cakesaretheenemy]

maybe!
what about like a moorail grub?

[TEXT]

[bethehugejerk]

IT'S MOIRAIL, NOT MOORAIL, YOU INCOMPETENT IGNORAMUS.
DOES GAMZEE LOOK LIKE A MILKBEAST?
IS IT THE SPOTS? IS IT THE DUMB LOOK IN HIS EYES?
BECAUSE I ASSURE YOU HE IS A TROLL AND HAS NEVER MOOED AT ME IN ANY FORM.
BUT THERE SHOULD NOT BE ANY GRUBS OF THE MOO- OR MOIRAIL VARIETY.
PALE RELATIONSHIPS AREN'T CONCUPISCENT, MORON.
IT WOULD BE LIKE IF...
OKAY IT'S POINTEDLY DIFFERENT FROM A FRIENDSHIP, BUT SINCE YOU DON'T USUALLY HAVE MOIRALLEGIANCES, THINK OF IT LIKE
IF YOU AND YOUR BEST FRIEND HAD A DISGUSTING EARTH BABY TOGETHER.
IT WOULD BE *WEIRD*.

[TEXT] chokes on spit

[cakesaretheenemy]

hehehehehe
chugga chugga moo moo!

hm.
yeah, having a baby with dave would be kind of weird.
we would be really bad parents!

what about eridan though??

[TEXT] see I am working on the too serious thing :>

[bethehugejerk]

JOHN, HALT YOUR FINGERS FROM TYPING ANY MORE STATEMENTS THAT IDIOTIC OR I WILL BE FORCED TO HUNT YOU DOWN AND CONFISCATE YOUR SFC FOR THE SAKE OF MY OWN CONTINUED SANITY.
IF THERE WERE EVER ANY GRUB TO BE BROUGHT INTO EXISTENCE AND RAISED, THOUGH, IT WOULD HAVE TO BE WITH HIM INSTEAD OF ANOTHER QUADRANT
BUT EVEN THEN CAN YOU REALLY IMAGINE HIM AND ME AS PARENTS?
HE WOULD LIKE
WANT TO DYE THE GRUB'S HAIR SOME WEIRD COLOR
AND INSIST ON BEDAZZLING ITS COCOON OR SOMETHING EQUALLY INANE AND POINTLESS.
DO YOU REALLY WANT A GRUB TO COME INTO THE WORLD ONLY TO HAVE TO PUPATE IN A BEDAZZLED COCOON??
OUR HYPOTHETICAL IMAGINARY OFFSPRING DOES NOT NEED PLASTIC RHINESTONES.
AND I STILL DON'T WANT TO RAISE ONE OF THEM ANYWAY.

[TEXT] Matesprit-jack

[unconchonable]

i wwould NOT bedazzle his cocoon nor dye his hair kar
i mean
not that there is anythin wwrong wwith either a those things in fact NOT doin either wwould be more wwrong than right
but dont just assumed id do that
you knoww
if somehoww wwe
had a grub or somethin
not that wwe wwould but goin on that wwhole hypothetical concept a you an me havvin a grub somehoww
|


uh yeah wwhatevver

[TEXT]

[bethehugejerk]

THAT'S IF IT'S A HIM
HOW DO YOU KNOW WHICH IT WOULD BE
HOW DOES IT EVEN WORK.
AND I WILL PERSONALLY GO TO STORES ACROSS TOWN AND TELL THE EMPLOYEES TO BAN YOU FROM BOTH THE ARTS & CRAFTS AND HAIR PRODUCT AISLES IF WE EVER DO GET A GRUB IF THAT'S WHAT IT TAKES TO STOP YOU FROM COMMITTING SUCH ATROCITIES AGAINST OUR POSSIBLE SON OR
WHATEVER THE OTHER TERM IS.
BUT WHAT ARE YOU EVEN BABBLING ABOUT THERE?

[TEXT]

[unconchonable]

i wwasnt sayin it wwas gonna be a HIM for sure ok i wwas just sayin
kar i wwould be so pissed if you did theres nothin wwrong wwith a accessorizin god wwouldnt you wwant our hypothetical grub to feel special
theres nothin atrocious about makin our grub or their cocoon look dowwnright impressivve and stylish
an im not babblin about NOTHIN

[TEXT] you are doing an awesome job i am cracking up

[cakesaretheenemy]

what was that, beep beep meow?
did you say something?

oh god, you are right, you guys would have the most fabulous baby.
that is so awfully cliche.

[TEXT]

[bethehugejerk]

I SAID KINDLY GO WEDGE YOUR SFC UP YOUR ASS UNTIL YOUR EXCREMENT CHUTE PERMANENTLY TAKES ON THE SHAPE OF A STAR.
I ALREADY SAID IT WOULD BE A GRUB, NOT A BABY
AND I FORBID IT FROM BEING FABULOUS
AND CLICHE
BECAUSE HOW COULD IT EVEN BE CLICHE WHEN TROLLS DON'T NORMALLY RAISE GRUBS IN THE FIRST PLACE
LET ALONE WITH INDUSTRIAL GRADE GLITTER CATASTROPHES.

[TEXT]

[cakesaretheenemy]

haha, gross.

oh, it is kind of cliche for homosexual dude couples to be fabulous and raise kids fabulously.
i don't know, i think your romcom thing is just going to make the problem worse.